I've made no secret about the fact that I think Breaking Dawn is going to be approximately two hours of complete and total mind-fuckingly ridiculous suckage. I don't want it to be - don't get me wrong. If I had my way, in some whimsical world where Summit spent their energy focusing on the movie rather than racing around the interwebs attempting to sue the pants off of their fans, then Breaking Dawn would be Awesome. The costumes would look great, the cinematography breath-taking. And the sex scenes! Actually, if I had my way, there would be full frontal nudity of all the Cullen men. For two hours.
Hey Summit - stop worrying about those pictures you leaked and use the money that you're paying your lawyers to find a wig-maker that won't make Jasper look like he's got a fucking Shih Tsu glued to his head, m'kay?
I have to admit I got a little excited when I saw the leaked pictures. Headboards, feathers, moles and naked bodies... I dusted the dirt off my bar and raised it up about an inch. Then the thought occurred to me that maybe those leaked pictures were of scenes that were cut from the film. The bar was lowered. Again.
I wonder if they realize there will be fucking riots if they cut the fade-to-black. Is that even possible? If it is, Summit will accomplish it. I think they might even be handing out chastity belts at the premiere or something.
Anyway, I know that a few of you share my skepticism about Breaking Dawn. You're worried that they're going to fuck up and ruin the magic that is the Twilight Saga.
I have a feeling you're right.
Does that look eggs to you??? Yeah, me neither.
Because I've heard some mutterings of discontent among the twi-masses regarding this upcoming movie, we've decided that Twitarded is going to be a refuge center of sorts come November 19th**. We want your disgruntled masses! Hated that they dressed Alice like a douchebag again? Appalled by the stark contrast between Rosalie's black brows and blonde hair? Come here and spill in the comments!
In the meantime, let's keep trying to convince Summit that they should hire some of us as counsel. I have a feeling they're going to need it.
Regardless, I'll be there on opening night, decked out in my twi-gear with my flask safely hidden in my purse, ready to watch the first half of Breaking Dawn. I think the full title is actually Breaking Dawn: Before the Spawn. But I'm not sure.
** - The first person who calls us out on completely forgetting about this by the time November rolls around will win a prize. It's called an upper decker. We'll just need your home address in order to send it to you...