Okay, this is more like 5th grade but whatever... Can I get an F! Can I get a U! Can I get a C! Can I get a... ah, fuck this shit. (Psst, see the tall girl way in the back? See the scowling little goblin-child right in front of her? Yeah, that's me.)
It's really weird for me to go through stuff like this because a) I apparently kept every scribbled note, picture, 'zine... what-have-you and b) I really don't have a clear memory of what high school exactly was like. Like most people, I was a seething mess of hormonal rage and insecurity as a teenager so it's only natural that I would hate my high school years like a hooker hates a herpes outbreak.
Let's face it - I'm a maladjusted adult. Of course I was a total fucking shitshow as a teenager. And all the letters I found from 15-17 year old me confirm that yes, indeed, I thought high school was located somewhere on the inner circles of hell.
Reading those notes was a mixture of chagrin, hilarity and sheer mortification, along with quite a few what-the-fucks?!? I was so emo back then that reading them made me want to punch myself in the twat. And the rage! As Snarkier Than You can testify (countless times) I have a bit of a temper and have been known to go a little beserk every once in awhile. My high school career was more or less a non-stop rage-fest.
I even kept a few detention slips. What teenager keeps their fucking detention slips??? I'm sure I would have needed a whole other box if I had kept all of them. I was an awful kid.
Looking back, I honestly don't know how my parents didn't send me to military camp or pay someone to murder me and make it look like an accident. I wouldn't have blamed them.
The best part of going through the chaos and fuckery of my teen years was finding the pictures. Like most teenagers, we weren't smart enough NOT to photograph ourselves doing stupid shit but those snapshots are hidden away for now.
Instead, I present to you (more or less) - Jenny Jerkface: The High School Years. For the record, I'm not the one with the dark curly hair or missing a face. Just in case you needed clarification.
Me and JBJ (yeah, I'm original and witty, fuck you). Ahh yes, Hang Ten t-shirt and oversized corduroys. That grunge/hardcore/I-have-body-issues look was just fabulous. And comfortable. I have no idea where this was taken but clearly - given the fact that the couple dancing next to us are both wearing mom jeans with their shirts tucked - it was nowhere cool.
Freshman and/or Sophomore Year
JBJ had a hard on for all things The Cure, in case you were curious. I had a phobia of hairbrushes, apparently. And I'm wearing jorts and my Dad's sweater. Hawt. And a fucking crystal around my neck, which is a throwback to an even more embarrassing moment in life, which is my pre-teens.
I'm straight up hardcore now. All I need is a Shelter or Avail t-shirt and I'm good to go, what with my Carhart overalls and Vans that I had to order out of a skate magazine and wait 6-8 weeks to actually get. Think about that. I had to physically go buy a fucking magazine, cut the coupon out of it, beg my parents for a check, put all this shit in an envelope and mail it out. By postal service. Do kids these days even know what postal service is (and I don't mean the band)??? Fuck, I'm old.
This is my prom outfit, bitches. How do you like them clunky fucking shoes? Oh, and let's not forget to point out that I'm hanging out by the ashtray, which is pretty much what I did the entire night until I got drunk off those Jack Daniels Wine Coolers and threw up somewhere.
End of Senior Year? I think? Look at those red eyes - how am I supposed to know???
I don't have much to say about this picture except that if I had known I was this skinny during my teenage years I would have totally dressed like a fucking slut.
At the end of the day, I don't think my high school years were all that bad. We had good music, a lot of fun (and a ridiculous amount of drama, according to a couple of little notes all folded up into perfect squares with bubbly fucking handwriting from someone telling me they hated me, which actually made me laugh HARD because really? Did teenage girls actually send hate letters?) and I've been lucky enough to carry a few of those friendships over into my adult years.
That being said, no fucking way in hell would I ever want to repeat it. Just sayin'.
I love hearing about other peoples' high school experience because they are so wildly different than what I expected. I mean Latchkey Wife was a goody-two-shoes in high school. Can you believe it?
Yeah, me neither.
Feel free to share your experience in the comments!