Thursday, June 9, 2011

There's a Poop Joke In Here Somewhere... A Twitarded Give-Away!

In a testament to how disorganized I have become since I started blogging, I recently pulled a bag out of the depths of my closet that was filled with things I brought home from BlogHer last year, with the intention of giving them away. Despite the fact that neither Jenny Jerkface nor myself have taken the time to book our flights to the 2011 BlogHer conference, we ARE going, so I figured it's high time to purge last year's goodies.

Several authors came to BlogHer to promote their books to the masses... To be honest, we were most excited about meeting up with the "What's Your Poo Telling You" author, but he was running late when we stopped by (he must have been attending to some sort of poo-related emergency). His freebie books were also running late, and although we we promised copies would be mailed to us, it never happened. We DID, however, meet the very charming Dr. Raj, who was there promoting a book called "What the Yuck?!" Did I mention that the very first chapter is called "In the Loo"? Yup, she's our people.


Our up-for-grabs copy is signed by the author!
She was kinda thrown by the whole "Twitarded" thing but I get that...

A [paraphrased] sampling of the thought-provoking questions asked in this book:

Why does my belly button have gunk in it and why does it smell so bad?


Is semen [aka "love custard"] fattening?


Is there something I can eat to make my lady-bits taste yummy?


Will I live longer if I only eat every other day?


How can I cure my swamp butt/crotch rot?

The answers to these question--and more--are contained in this book! You can probably also find most of the answers here at Dr. Raj's page on the Health.com website - I don't want to leave anyone hanging! You can ask your own question here as well, so go nuts.

This story would not be complete without my sharing an extremely random assortment of the disturbing things I found while googling "What the Yuck" that have absolutely, positively, nothing to do with the book but will make you say "what the yuck?!" nevertheless (and if I had to see it, you gotta see it, too - we're all in this together, people):

 Bacon-flavored baby formula (it's never too early for bacon!).

 The worst public bathroom in St. Tropez (please note pull-down "seat" - ugh!).

 Someone REALLY likes vampires. Probably not a Twilight fan...

 A chick who made cheese from her own breast milk.
 
 THIS fucking douche.

Kesha's WTY worst bikini EVER. 


I have nothing to add here, but if I ever go to Ghana, I'll stick to Diet Coke.

Also, people REALLY don't like Scarlett Johansson and Sean Penn dating and think that he's slowly fucking all the hotness out of her. 

...aaaand lots of other really atrocious and cringe-worthy stuff that I don't ever want to have to look at ever again.

Anyhoo, do you want the book so you don't have to actually ask your doctor about that strange thing on your you-know-what? Just leave a comment on this post plus your email (if I don't already have it) by midnight Eastern time on Sunday 6/12 and I'll draw a winner on Monday 6/13-ish. Share something yucky if the mood strikes you - I'm totally game but my brain is boiling from the couple of days of 100+-degree weather and I'm not feeling all demand-y. Winner will be chosen at random and not on merits of yuck-related comments, but have at it, people.

35 comments:

  1. Hi. I'm Jaymes805. Some people call me Sparky (dicks) Not sure if you know me. I like poop jokes and long walks on the beach. At the same time. I once fell in someone else's throw up when walking to a bar. I have more gross stories but I can't think of them at the moment.

    If you don't have my email address, you're fired.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Who are you?

    I kid!

    I am going to have to submit my embarrassing story anonymously...

    ReplyDelete
  3. Thanks for the heads up. Now we'll all know it was you. :)

    ReplyDelete
  4. Hey Snarkier Than You & Jenny Jerkface, you had me pmls when I read this. "What the Yuck" that's bloody brilliant. And I could so use that! 1st I'm awake @ 1:40 in the am because my wonderful 19 yr old thought it would be smart to wake me up to let me know that he ATE, as in already did it, ate my Magnum double chocolate ice cream bar that I have straight orders Not to Touch. Nothing to do w/ book but a major WTY moment.
    2nd my gyno is tired of me calling it my VaJayJay, Hoohah, Inner Goddess & her fave Eddy Jr's Slip &Slide.

    Ambien + Fricken Sexy pics of Robward & a stop @ Twitarded = crazy arse comments. So if you ban me or kick me out, my email is Anacksunamoun@yahoo.com & Twitt is TwilightMomGA

    ReplyDelete
  5. Can I play? Or is it forbidden to gold club members? I actually really want to know about that belly button gunk...or maybe I don't. I guess I have a 1 in 3 chance so far....that is if I qualify.

    W/V: meatem: I would not only like to snog with Rob I would like to meatem.

    ReplyDelete
  6. This'll teach me to read Twitarded over breakfast. I knew it wasn't a good idea from the get go, but I still couldn't resist the temptation, and then I almost threw up my eggs.
    Btw, I'm not commenting to get the book - not that it's not a good giveaway.

    Anywhore, just wanted to say that I am actually having quite a bit of fun imagining Scarlett and Sean fucking. This may have something to do with the fact that a friend of mine from University once told me that the best sex she'd ever had was with a middle-aged man (and she had already had over 50 guys by that time, so the gal quite knew what she was talking about). Good rebound choice for both, Scarlett and Sean.

    Ok, maybe I should also instill a rule to not comment before coffee either. JFC, I'm a rambling idiot today.

    ReplyDelete
  7. I love me some what the yuck questions and answers. I read books like this all the time.

    I love you guys, but have been just a lurker so...

    Heres my email: knoxville891@gmail.com

    Pick me! Pick me!

    ReplyDelete
  8. Gross! Your post has made me begin to contemplate all kinds of yucky stuff. Probably heat-related stuff, too. Imma go gag now.

    Have a nice day!

    ReplyDelete
  9. Picture number 5? That is the grossest thing of the "douche" that has a tatoo of a Vajayjay by his belly button? Blergh.

    I almost threw up looking at that photo. I guess we should give him credit for finding a solution to the lack of dates. Not sure any girl in her right mind would want to climb up on that.

    Somthings this blog is very educational. The things I have learned while being here....

    Im sure you have my email but just in case, and ot get me into the running of winning that book. I will post it here. T3lyv@aol.com.

    Now, will you autograph it?

    ReplyDelete
  10. Put my name in the hat. My e-mail is twitardedmom@gmail.com.

    My story is peeing all over the doctor who was delivering my last baby. I'm told she said "don't push" because my catheter wasn't in place yet. All I heard was "push". For those of you that haven't had kids, the baby's head pushes out everything in it's way.

    ReplyDelete
  11. OMG! I have ALWAYS wondered if cheese can be made out of breast milk and now I know!! I will never do it (maybe)

    I think @Myaftercar will kick my ass in Forks if I hand her a cup and say "Fill it up".

    My yuck story deals with poop and a newborn baby (I'm sensing a theme with us Twitards) and it was NASTY!

    Son was a little over a week old when I was in the bedroom changing him with the father. I don't know what happened, but the moment I pulled that diaper off, this kid rocketed out a yellow stream of shit so hard, it hit the wall about 7 feet away.

    Sons' father ducked behind me when this happened, so my sweats took the brunt of it. While Dad is on the floor laughing, I'm yelling (and laughing) for him to help me clean the kid, bed, wall, floor.

    I don't think we ever got it all out of the cracks in the wall, but that's for someone else to deal with now.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Ok – nothing really gross or yucky here but maybe worth a laugh or two.

    I have a can in my cabinet that is labeled “Spotted Dick”. It is a sponge pudding that is made in England (they eat the strangest things over there!).

    While I bought it for the laugh factor what I really wanted to do is cover up the word “Spotted” with a label saying “Rob’s”…yeah – hubby didn’t see the humor in that one.

    I do have a post-it-note on the top that says Edward in a Can though.

    It does say it is microwaveable. Makes me wonder – didn’t someone once ask on this blob about microwaving the sparkle peen?

    ReplyDelete
  13. ha - I hadn't considered that this might be an early-morning gross-out - lol! sorry for all the churny stomachs, people!

    I think I need some "Spotted Dick in a Can" - but I would keep the sparklepeen out of the microwave (and the freezer for that matter - brrrr!).

    These stories are cracking me up (and squicking me out a little too - lol)!

    ReplyDelete
  14. K, I have an interesting- and a little humiliating- story to tell. When I gave birth to my second child, my daughter, I had a sneaking little suspicion that I had poo'd on the delivery table. lol I wasn't completely sure of this because after an hour of pushing I was quite out of it. I had asked a couple of people, including my husband, who claimed he "didn't know." Uh huh. The nurse came in the next day and for some reason asked me if I had passed gas yet (I guess to make sure things were working properly). My mother chimes in and says "She sure did A LOT more than pass gas on the delivery table!!" Facepalm. That is all. lmao

    jjcbrbergstrand@yahoo.com

    ReplyDelete
  15. Wow! I kinda knew about the delivery room stuff but I never had it confirmed by any of my friends. Holy crap! EEEEEWWWWW!! No offense!

    That picture of the bathroom in St. Tropez looks like some of the ones we saw in India. Only better. There was no option of a seat just hunker down & go. LOL!

    Breastmilk cheese??!! Really??!! What the crap made that lady (or her husband?) decide to do that? SO strange.

    Is that really Kesha? Oh man that is a TERRIBLE swimsuit choice. I'd hate to have that pic floating around for the rest of eternity.

    It's too early to think of a gross story. Sorry. Love you!

    amyo@charliesproduce.com

    ReplyDelete
  16. Actually, you can find out about moving your bowels in the delivery room AND MORE in this book - lol! btw, Dr. Raj says nobody cares when this happens. Except you. 'Cause that's gross. ; )

    ReplyDelete
  17. oh and YES that is Kesha... AND she knew that people were snapping her pic - girl doesn't give a shit - she was running on the beach and frolicking in the water in that hot mess like she was the B-O-M-B-diggity. Oh, to have that kind of confidence - lol!

    ReplyDelete
  18. Meh. I'm an RN, have 4 boys and a husband. I dare someone to gross me out. muf_in@msn.com

    ReplyDelete
  19. Hell yeah I wan this book...you girls have been cracking me up since I found you a couple of years ago...I too, "secretly" want to fuck Rob on a daily basis and I am gonna be 50!!! How sick is that? I basically stay under the radar because if I get involved with this shit I would never ever get anything else done!!!! Thanks for making me laugh and sharing my lust and love for Rob ;) jogoaway@comcast.net xoxo

    ReplyDelete
  20. As long as this book doesn't iclude flemmy things in it, I think I can deal. I can handle most anything gross..except for flemmy *pukes* things..Poop? Not a problem. Some interesting questions,the bacon flavord formula,that's just..wrong..bacon flavor should never be a substitute for the real thing....ever. I'm down with the yuck.

    ReplyDelete
  21. Even at my age (I got you beat anonymous at 1pm!) I'm still finding things out about myself......just realized I like being squicked out! Send me the damn book (please) so I can see how far my tolerance goes!
    Game on!

    imh22@comcast.net

    ReplyDelete
  22. Re: the gunk in one's bellybutton

    My dearly-departed pet mouse, Rosebud, used to try her damnedest to get at that stuff if I wasn't paying attention while I had her out of her cage.

    N.B. #1
    Yes, I did let my pet mouse crawl around inside my shirt. I raised her and she thought I was her mother...and so wanted to be close.

    N.B. #2
    I have a very deep bellybutton, as in, deeper than the first knuckle of my little finger. It is next to impossible to thoroughly clean that fucker.

    N.B. #3
    Having a mouse try stick her cold nose and whiskers into one's bellybutton while simultaneously trying to dig with tiny paws is always alarming, though likely not something very many people experience. Or admit to experiencing. Ever.

    mus.muris@gmail.com

    ReplyDelete
  23. In reply to jelena.
    Older men are so much more likely to have an interest in making sure you are happy in bed.
    The best sex I have ever had was with a 59 year man, I could not believe what I had been missing!!!

    ReplyDelete
  24. I went to mortuary school, so Im pretty sure Ive seen the grossest of the gross. And the smells are always way worse.

    mortuary.girl86@gmail.com

    ReplyDelete
  25. Addicted2TwilightJune 10, 2011 at 5:10 PM

    Oh me me me! I am always so embarrassed to ask the doctor anything!

    lovemark182@gmail.com

    My word verification is backsi which reminds me of elementary school.

    ReplyDelete
  26. Loved the pics! The magic of google reigns supreme!

    You know I'm down for yuck. If you don't have my email...I is sad. But here ya go.

    lindsayrae114@gmail.com

    ReplyDelete
  27. I luff the yuck!

    cathypodd at yahoo dot com

    ReplyDelete
  28. I have always wondered why my belly button smells funny!!!! I NEED this book!!!!!!!! I am one of your many faithful followers in the land of Twitardia...so please pick me! mzack16@hotmail.com

    ReplyDelete
  29. Hehe, this book looks great.

    ezzierae@gmail.com

    ReplyDelete
  30. I needs it!!!

    @Eden, I have an abnormally deep bellybutton, too. My husband thinks it is hilarious to stick his finger in it when I am not paying attention, but then complains if it smells bad? Men.

    ithinkpink@rocketmail.com

    ReplyDelete
  31. I sooooo want this book! I love to be yucked out! Pick me, pick me!

    Haven't commented in a really long time, but still read every day. I couldn't pass this up. (jensegrest10@gmail.com)

    ReplyDelete
  32. I'm so in for that book! It'll probably explain a lot about my co-workers!!

    josiefrost@aol.com

    ReplyDelete
  33. There is a restaurant somewhere in Cali I think that sells breast milk cheese. True story. Or at least that's the rumor I heard.

    ReplyDelete
  34. picking a winner as soon as JJ gets to my house!

    and @Eden - nope, not many people will experience THAT lol! sounds...tickle-y?? and definitely alarming.

    ReplyDelete
  35. Congrats to Jaymes805 - she's out winner! Check's in the mail, bb...

    : )

    ReplyDelete

Comments are our life now. Leave one!