Sunday, July 24, 2011

Snow White Will Kick Your Ass!

I haven't really been paying much attention to this whole Kristen Stewart as Snow White deal lately since it hasn't even started filming. But they've been chatting it up at Comic Con, [which I totally wish I had gone to because everyone's been tweeting about the amazing time and all the stars they've been seeing/meeting/photographing! Totally jealous!] so I had to take a looksee.

It's been years and years since I've seen the Disney version of Snow White but somehow in the back of my mind, all I can remember is a bunch of happy little men dancing around with a pretty, fairly pale skinned girl. And a wicked bitch of a queen that wants her dead. Awwww... Disney movies are so cunnin'. So of course, I had to revisit the whole plot of the original story and mutherfucker, that shit's just downright evil.

So not what this new movie is going to look like... at all.

This little snippet of the plot -- kinda made me shiver a bit:
The queen becomes jealous, and orders a huntsman to take Snow White into the woods to kill her and return with her lungs and liver as proof she's dead. The huntsman tries, but finds himself unable to kill her, instead he lets her go, telling her to hide from the Queen. He then brings the queen the lungs and liver of a boar, which is prepared by the cook and eaten by the queen.

What a happy little tale the Brothers Grimm spin! Makes me all fucking warm and fuzzy inside. Somehow I don't think there will be many singing animals in this movie.

I guess this explains why KStew looks more like Joan of Arc than my image of Disney Snow White. Makes sense though -- I don't really see her wearing a frilly dress and prancing around in the forest with those dwarfs. I bet she's going to turn those little fuckers into her own personal army.

She is going to kick some evil Queen ass!

And Charlize Theron is one scary bitch as the evil Queen. I'm going to have nightmares. Evidently, she's ready to throw it down and said "I'm ready for it, bitch. Let's go!" at the start of the CC panel. She really does scare me.

Fuck, I think I just pissed my pants. Scary bitch.

I'm not really familiar with the dude playing the Prince -- I guess he was in the newest Pirates movie (which I haven't seen yet *tsk tsk*) but I'm looking forward to seeing him naked take on this role.

You're looking a little pale, Prince... are you sure you're not a vampire?

But I want the Huntsman to do dirty, dirty things to me....and I also feel the need to see Thor now. Is he shirtless in Thor? Naked? I need him to be both of those things.

Oh YES! I will let you chop me up and put me in my own freezer!

I actually think I'm kind of excited to see this movie -- much more so than that ridiculous version of Red Riding Hood (which I will see eventually) -- and I'm going to need to see it on the big screen. And yes, probably just so I can see the Huntsman in all his giant movie screen hotness... but please don't judge me. You know you're nodding your head right now!

Are you all excited for this one? How do you think KStew will pull off "the fairest of them all"? Think she's going to kick ass?

28 comments:

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  2. Seriously, Kristen in the armour looks so awesomely BADASS!! I wasn't really excited about Snow White and the Huntsman but just this tiny bit from Comic Con has got me way intrigued and interested.

    Saw both Thor and Pirates 4 this past summer. Sam Clafin as Prince Charming was a very nice surprise in Pirates, very hunky and interesting. But Chris Hemsworth as Thor - my God, there are no words as to how gorgeous he was even with a hairstyle that did not do him justice and a beard (I am not a fan of them). He was shirtless in Thor and let me be totally honest, I drooled when that scene happened, no lie. Can't wait!

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  3. We were jealous of the Stew for kissing Rob and now we get to add onto our jealousy for her being in between these two hot hunks of men beef.

    I say the Twitards strom next years Comic Con and ask really raunchy questions for the final BD panel.

    Lets see who can get kicked out the fastest! My money's on JJ..or TK...hell both

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  4. Have you watched the SWATH panel at Comic Con? Our lady Kstew has definitely been studying her own DVD "Twilight Actress Kristen Stewarts Teaches You How to Speak More Good".
    To be fair, it's the hottest she's ever looked.
    And OH YES, CHRIS HEMSWORTH! WHO ARE YOU?! I WANT YOU! 3-WAY WITH ROB, NOW!

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  5. Oh, PS., and I quote my boyfriend: "'Snow White and The Huntsman'? That sounds like a porno flick. Why didn't they just name it Snow White and The Woodsman? Can we call it 'Snow White and The Woodsman' instead?"
    Yes, sweetie, we most certainly can. :D

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  6. Kristen probably has a dress on under the armor, come on. Otherwise, she'd be chaffing or rusting. XD

    Chris Hemsworth, yum! "Your ax looks like it could use some sharpening" Wink-wink.;)
    And he has a brother who acts too.

    This is suppose to be a trilogy someone said. And the producer, Palak Patel, he said everyone will be speaking in a English accent. Hmm.

    They are already showing pics of Kristen practicing her horse riding skills.

    We will have to check it out.

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  7. I was Snow White for 2 years at Disneyland and I SO WISH I'd had armor and a fucking shield.

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  8. I have apparently been living under a rock...never heard of this movie. However, I have seen Thor and yes Latchkey Wife you do get to see him shirtless. I was with my husband and had to hide the drool. Just knowing that Chris Hemsworth is in this movie will have me watching it! Yummy!

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  9. I'm so in love with Chris Hemsworth after seeing "Thor"! He was DEFINITELY a GOD in that movie! And now playing the Huntsman?????? Yeah............*THUD* I thought I originally heard that Viggo Mortensen was playing the part but I guess I was wrong. Can't wait to see it........love Charlize, too. Great casting!

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  10. I can totally see KStew in this role. Should be interesting...

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  11. I was excited for this movie when I first heard about it. I actually think that if KStew can outgrow her stutter and blink she will be a good actress. She was actually pretty decent in The Runaways and I actually LOVED her in Adventureland - the stutter and blink worked for her in that movie - then she took it to Bella and then the Stew and I fell out for awhile.

    I am rooting for the Stew. I want her to make it post Twilight.

    Plus, between the Huntsman, the Prince, the Queen and KStew as Snow White - I am having trouble deciding who to crush on - they are all so freaking awesome!!!!!!!!!

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  12. MyHeartGoesPitterPattinsonJuly 25, 2011 at 10:16 AM

    Good thing they're going in more of a badass direction on this one.

    We've seen what Kristen can do with prancing around in a frilly dress in the woods and it is not pretty. Not in the least.

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  13. Have any of you ever seen 'Snow White A Tale of Terror'?? Sigourney Weaver was the evil queen in it. It was the first scary version of Snow white I had ever seen & I LOVED it!! I am glad they are doing this Snow White in the same way. Those children's stories back then were so scary! No wonder Disney niced them all up. I'm not sure how I feel about Kristen Stewart in this yet. At least I know everyone else will be great though.

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  14. I really hope Kristen can kick ass at this role. I've heard she'll be doing a British accent *bites nails* I'm a bit worried about that. Once I heard the Huntsman was being played by Chris Hemsworth I literally thought "fuck yeah" I can't wait for this movie. And as for the prince, he was a hottie in Pirates and took his shirt off ;)

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  15. I'm way excited to see her play a badass - I mean, sure, Joan Jett was a badass, but she wielded a microphone. Apparently Snow White wields a sword. Hot.

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  16. In my head, I have TOTALLY been seeing the Disney-version when I've heard this movie mentioned, so I'm pretty damn relieved - lol... (Although Kristen should consider being "Disney Snow White" for Halloween one year and RPatts could be...um...an over-sized dwarf? Adorky? Hmmmm...

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  17. I was at the panel. The movie should be good, but only because Charlize Theron was way into it (and did talk smack to Kristen more than once).

    The picture you missed was of the 8 dwarfs. They looked like they would kick anyone's asses. They asked "why not seven" and someone joked that this way they had great jokes when one dies, but then confessed it was because of copyright, bla, bla, bla.

    Anyway, should be tons of fun!

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  18. Oh yes, I will definitely see this movie for the sole reason of getting to see Chris Hemsworth again!! Hope he's tough and rough in this. ;) You must see Thor. Not for how awesome the plot is but because there is a rain scene where he's all wet and clothes are all tight and clinging and he's all angsty. And then the whole getting dressed scene where he pulls those jeans up over his perfect (how is that possible, for an ass to be that perfect) ass. Do it, go on....

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  19. you haven't seen thor?!

    i needed a change of panties for pretty much every time chris hemsworth was on screen....which was basically the whole movie.

    i hope he takes his shirt off in this. it would be a disgrace if he didnt...

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  20. I had no idea about this movie until I saw the tweets about it over the weekend, and I am not ashamed to say, I CANNOT WAIT. I really love Kristen Stewart and I am a bit of a closet fairy tale fanatic. Red Riding Hood was So. Fucking. Bad. But I have high hopes for this film. I'm not sure why, but I just do.

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  21. This is going to be kick ass. I haven't seen snow white since I accidentally came across a porno of the same title...so my memories are a little skewed. Unless the huntsman refuses to kill her and instead they have smokin hot forest sex up against an old oak....Then you're talkin' my language!


    I'll wait for that version. Cuz I'd totally watch Chris fuck someone up against a tree.

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  22. @rottymama - isn't his brother in the hunger games?

    @flutter - if you had a shield and sword, you would've made the poor kiddos cry! LOL!

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  23. Okay, I admit it - when I first saw these pics I kind of scoffed. But then I looked at them again and thought that this just might end up being a really good movie. After all, Snow White was pretty brutal. Maybe it's time to bring it back to its roots.

    And I'm putting Thor on my to-watch list. I meant to watch it in the theater but... no. I just couldn't do it.

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  24. @LKW, Liam, yes & he is lip locked with Miley Cyrus (Last Song). Had to Google all this, & another bro, actor too, Luke. All mouth watering.

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  25. One more thing, "Anyone wanna see Face Punch?" haha just had to add that. GO KSTEW!

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  26. I LOVE those promotional photos. Charlize Theron looks AMAZING as the queen in that picture. I am very curious how this whole story will work and I hope it does.

    I did not go to this panel but I did see Kristen at the Breaking Dawn panel. Both movies should be interesting :)

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