Monday, August 1, 2011

Dear Bill Condon: I Love You... But Only If You Deliver the Goods!

**Spoilers ahead. Don't be a sissy! Just shimmy out of those iron-clad panties and jump in. Come it...all the cool kids are!**

Bill Condon wasn't really a director I was too familiar with before I heard he was going to be directing Breaking Dawn: Before the Spawn. The only other movie I had seen of his was Dreamgirls and I really had no interest in seeing Edward and Bella break out into song at their wedding. No thank you. Ok, maybe Edward... but not Bella.

I've been so fucking out of it lately -- fuck you work and hot weather and well, real life in general -- that I had no idea that my favorite MTV interviewer-guy did an MTV Rough Cut with Bill. Ooooh, how exciting! I love to see inside the noggin of the head dude in charge of this shit. And we all know that BD is going to be a perfect storm of absolute shit. Should Bill do his job right, that perfect storm of shit will work so amazingly, we'll all be lining up on his doorstep offering ourselves up as his sex slaves.

If he delivers on the sex scene alone, I will pitch a tent on his front lawn and greet him every day after work with sexual favors not even legal on this planet. I need that sex scene to be everything I've been imagining it to be since I finished the book over two fucking years ago. I honestly don't care about anything else but the feather flying, headboard breaking, body bruising sex.

Please Bill... for the love of all that is holy... I'm begging you!

So sit back and enjoy the 37 part 10 part interview with Mr. Condon. I know I did! I really can't wait for November. Every time I see something like this, it makes me all warm and tingly inside.

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

Part 4

Part 5

Part 6

Part 7

Part 8

Part 9

Part 10


  1. Hmm... curveballs, eh? Hopefully he changed the spawn's name to Claire, and after it tears out of her uterus it puts on a top hat and tap dances off singing "hello my baby, hello my hunny..." like on Spaceballs.

    Looks like MTV Guy and Bill Condon both need to work on their handshake. That shit was limper than a gay man at a Victoria's Secret fashion show.

  2. Forget about what Bill has to say! I want to hear about these not legal sexual favors! Will there be a Q & A in Forks?

    @Fragile Little Human - I would SO love it if we had a Spaceballs homage in BD.

  3. curveballs??? so maybe Bella really DOES become a biker chick and then runs off with Jacksper??? Hmmm...

  4. Yeah, great....curveballs. You know I loooooove it when they depart from the books cause really, who liked those books anyway? (that is sarcasm).

    Nothing short of a visit from Rob himself would get me looking forward to November (I hate cold *blink* wet *shudder* things *blink*)

    BTW who the heck are you, Stacy?

    Does this mean the Jerkface's have hit Michigan? I better get to the liquor store today, before there is a run.

  5. Hahaha! I was fiddling around with my blogger account and changed it to my real name! Now I must kill all who have seen my real identity!! LOL!

    I hope by "curveballs" he means I'm going to see Edward's thrusting nekkid ass!!

  6. @likeitlemony - I noticed it said "posted by Stacy" first thing also. LOL! Isn't Stacy LKW?? I seem to recall that. Huh. Oh well. I can't really comment on anything much here today since I am at work & can't watch the videos. :-) I agree about the sex scene. If they can just deliver a NC-17 performance in a PG-13 movie that would be fantastic.

  7. @Fragile Little Human - totally died laughing at your comment.

    @Ilikeitlemony - I'm not in Michigan yet so your liquor stores are safe now...

    Maybe he cut the whole Renesmee out of the movie??? I'd be okay with that.

  8. This makes me SO EXCITED to see the movie! The "curveball" thing scares me, TBH, but other than that it seems like he does respect the books and really tried to portray the same feelings the reader would share with Bella while reading. Don't eff this up, Bill.

    Also... Josh Horowitz is adorable.

  9. Thanks LKW. I am totally excited by his comment that BD will be a reference to...the first Twilight movie.

    I seem to be in a club of one that loved the weird Carter Burwell music. And I am in an even tinier club that thinks Catherine Hardwicke did a kickass job. She and that movie are what created, carved out the world in which the Twilight we all know exists, and who made that world strange and unique.

    I even liked the palette.
    It made the thing look like nothing else. While stylistically the later movies (and NM has grown on me) look about as unique as "Charlie St. Cloud."

    She also used closeups in a crazed but great way. And those spooky Edward eyes after the almost accident crash. SHE did that. SHE did that!

    Of course she siounds like a total deranged harpie in real life. And if Condon is something different this will be a good thing, I think. Ye Olde Twilight but better? Just so Robward is a beauty again and not the constipated ghoul of the past two flicks...
    O, Lord, pleeeeze make him so beautiful again.....

  10. I think I don't mind the lond and I.m looking at Rob for two hours....I just don't care. They could play him breaking the headboard on a loop and I would be okay with that.

  11. At this point, I am thinking "wicked curveball" it better be wicked. With all the spoilers, I'm thinking Holy Hell!! Can they use some of this stuff in the movie?? I pray yes..
    Nice post LKW?.

  12. Watching these is getting me so psyched for November - SQUEEE!!! Please don't let this movie be a huge clusterfuck! : )


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