Monday, October 31, 2011

It's Halloween!! Now Give Me Candy.

Happy Halloween, mother fuckers. I'm currently writing this in the pitch darkness of my living room because I'm an asshole and forgot to get candy for the trick or treaters. I figured it would deter the kids from pounding on my front door if it looked like no one was home.

 I was wrong.

Those kids are persistent little fuckers. They pound on the door and I freeze, because I'm afraid if I make the tiniest little sound I'll end up with a mob of small super heroes and Justin Biebers banging on my door in a greedy sugar-induced rage.

 Awww, aren't you guys cute. Now get the fuck off my porch.

Actually, I wouldn't give any kid dressed up like Justin Bieber candy anyway. Even if I had a truckload of it. You're a Belieber, kid? Get the fuck off my porch or I'm gonna pelt you with all the Smarties I'm not giving you (from my personal stash. Which I'm not sharing. MINE).

They can come back next year when they have better taste in music or I'm less hungover.

Ah yes, that's really the crux of my current Halloween-scroogeness. I'm massively hungover. I'm so hungover my hair hurts and it feels like someone took sandpaper to my eyeballs. A kick in the vagina would be preferable to this massive, epic hangover of hangovers.

Yeah. That. 

I did have a good time last night, though. Snarkier Than You and I (along with the menfolk) went to an awesome masquerade wedding. I think it was the most fun I ever had at a wedding. ML and I dressed up as Steampunk people and STY and Mr. STY were looking super dapper in fancy masks and evening wear. There was lots of dancing and eating and drinking, ohmygodsomuchdrinking!!!

An amazing picture by photographer extraordinaire, GusGus.

ML and I being romantical, as usual. (Photo by GusGus, natch)

A friend, STY and Mr. STY. 

The bride and groom. Don't the drawings on the black pumpkin look familiar??? Mr. STY's handiwork!

Even I danced, which is a testament to how much vodka I actually drank because I never dance. I'm an awful dancer. I think it's more like flailing than dancing. I do remember dancing with one friend and he kept spinning me around and I told him if he didn't stop I was going to barf all over his purple velour suit jacket.

Like I said, I'm fucking hungover. It took every last ounce of effort I had to climb into the shower and wash last night's makeup off my face. Hot. Fucking. Mess. I pretty much spent the rest of the day laying on the couch with my Edward blanket and whimpering softly to myself.

But damn, that was the greatest wedding EVER.

 This is why I don't let her play with guns. Also, she wore glitter. What a sucker. Have fun cleaning that off your face for the next three weeks, STY.

Anyway, I hope everyone has an awesome and safe Halloween!! Let us know if you went to a great costume party or what you dressed your kids up as or even that you're as uselessly hungover as I am. It'll be like a virtual costume party in the comments!!

P.S. - DON'T FORGET - Twilight Tuesdays start tomorrow!!! SQUEEEEE!!!


  1. I miss your faces! What a fun idea for a wedding. I spent all of halloween weekend comatose from meds the doctor gave me for a concussion I gave myself last week. So fun huh?

  2. I also went to a wedding this weekend, but we didn't get to dress up like that. Phooey! Still, a good time & mass quantities of adult beverages were had by all.

    Work sucked donkey weenie today & I didn't get home in time to hand out candy. Oh well . . . I guess I'll have to eat it myself!

    The real kicker is this: We've all been massively TRICKED by Bill Condon. THRUSTWARD has been left on the cutting room floor! Nooooooo!

    We should all pool our money and other resources to fund the making of LolaShoes' "Let Your Light Shine " into a movie we can sink our teeth into!

    Vampire buttsecks! That's what I'm talkin' 'bout!

  3. That wedding looked like such fun! I gave candy out for like 2 1/2 hours tonight; noticed alot of little vampires, lol! I'm going to Twilight Tuesday WOOT WOOT!! Can't wait!

  4. AHHHMAZING! Loved your costumes (steampunk ftmfW!), loved the masques, jealous! PS, ML lookin FINE! Dayum!

    Sorry you're hungover, but it looks like it was fucking worth it. And your reward is to cower in fear of your neighborhood hoodlums. We haven't had a single kiddo, but I didn't buy candy anyway. Well...None to share. :)

    Twilight Tuesdays! SQUEE!!!

  5. Now that is a wedding! And you & ML looked so good! STY looked so good too and made me think of Fifty Shades Darker.

    Hope everyone is feeling better today!

    So looking forward to seeing Twilight on the big screen tonight (for the first time)!

  6. I agree from it, We should all pool our money and other resources to fund the making of LolaShoes' "Let Your Light Shine " into a movie we can sink our teeth into!

  7. I am never, ever, EVER going to get the glitter off of my face. Or out of my hair. Or off of my clothes (to say nothing of poor Mr. Snarky's clothes and skin and hair)! I have washed my face half a dozen times and showered twice and I am STILL sparkling.

  8. Oh and @TheRugbyMom - if Thrustward doesn't make it on to the DVD, some people at Scummit had better consider going into the witness relocation program...

  9. You ladies look incredible. WOW!!

    Sounds like a great wedding - maybe just a tad too great ;)

    I also hid in a dark house - got home just a little too late so we decided not to hand out candy. I miss seeing the kids though.

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  11. Ha! JJ, my little Floyd knocked & knocked, but you never answered. NOW I know why!
    Don't you twatwaffles judge me!

  12. I missed this post.*sad pout* Halloween WITCH happens to be my birthday was awesome, but not as awesome as you guys seemed to have had. You two looked amazing and looked like you had a blast -the hangover. I was a marauder..or what looked more like a lady pirate. I went to my brothers house for his anual halloween party the weekend before. Glad you had looked fantastic. XOXO

  13. @Te of Bieber - Okay, okay, I'm a jerk. Your little Bieber is adorable. Plus, I probably wouldn't know if a kid was dressed up as Bieber unless he had a nametag on, lol.

  14. Its really good post. Thanks for your post.


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