Sunday, October 16, 2011

Random Things You Should Probably Know.

So this is going to be kinda like one of those wrap-up "shit you missed this week" dealies like The Bloggess does on Sundays (usually) only more random and less funny. Also, it's not really about stuff you missed last week. Ok it's nothing like The Bloggess's posts. Whatever.

Continuing my fake homage (fauxmage?) to The Bloggess, I present "Shit You Missed Recently Because I Forgot to Tell You."

First and foremost, I want to share this fantastaballs group photo that our fave photographer Gus took while we were in Forks. We wanted to do a group photo last year but we sort of forgot and really, getting a hundred and some-odd women (and a handful of men) do something like this is like herding kittens. Wonderful, exuberant, beautiful kittens.

Clicky for SUPER BIG! [twss]

You can view all of Gus's Forks photos HERE! And if anyone wants to leave a link in the comments to the other Twitards photos being gathered online, I'd appreciate it!

One...attendee conspicuously missing from the group shot is BlowWard [ok I was informed by LKW that BlowWard IS indeed present in this photo. It's like a pornographic "Where's Waldo" - can you find him???], everyone's favorite well-endowed Edward Cullen blow-up doll (or maybe it was Ron Jeremy with a picture of Edward taped to his face - who can tell, really?). Luckily, we have secret footage of BlowWard in the Hoh with his...lady friends, ToeFunny, Billi, and Forks Pimp -

Say it. Out loud. Bacon whore!!!

We ran out of the "FOOORRRKKS!!! 2011" black rubber bracelets that we brought to Forks (I'm hoping some extras ultimately made it to people who could not be there), but My After Car is an XKR has lots of her cool, purple "TWITARDED 2011" bracelets due to the fact that she kinda forgot to give them out while we were there (oops - sounds like something I would do!). She has graciously offered to mail them to people who would like one - while supplies last! You can contact her on Twitter HERE.

Speaking of things we brought to Forks (and omissions from my "Things I Learned In Forks" post), I shipped every single Twilight-themed napkin and paper plate that I had in my collection (which was quite a few) and learned - the hard way - that the napkins are apparently for display use only. If you make the mistake of using them to wipe, say, cupcake schmutz off your face, all the ink will rub off all over your hands and mouth and you will look like you have a cheap newspaper fetish. Disappointed! But at least we didn't buy tons...

Next, I wanted to let everyone know that Red Bella now has the pillowcases (both standard and insert your husband in them full-body size!) similar to those she donated for us to raffle off in Forks available for sale on her Etsy site (and a portion of the proceeds will be donated to the charity that raises money for impoverished local and native children - 'cause like the rest of you, Red Bella is a twat waffle with a heart of gold). So your fantasy of dry-humping Rome Rob or CannesWard just got that much closer to becoming a reality. I would also like to note that of all the drool-worthy pillowcases Red Bella brought to Forks, when my ticket was drawn for one, I chose THIS one (over all the red carpet Robs, sexy Edwards, Scruffy Robs, and Breaking Dawn hands-on-the-bed designs):

WTF was I thinking?! I mean...I love you bitches SO much. Also, I drool in my sleep. 

While we were preparing for Forks (read: as I began throwing shit in boxes and suitcases a week before we were leaving), I accidentally mailed out the personalized (to me) Creative Cussin' book by Sarah Royal (it's the the "Redneck Edition" of our beloved "Creative Cursing") and not the one that she had signed specifically for a blog reader to win. Because I am a good sport and also wasn't able to carry one more ounce of anything back to NJ in my luggage, I gave away that copy when we did the raffle Saturday night. I don't remember who won it, but if it was you and you are game, I'd like to offer an exchange. The one dedicated to a Twitarded reader says:

CC on my laptop (aka "where the magic happens" and "the only not-cluttered surface in my house")

Moving on... As I have been reading the comments you've left on our prior Forks-related posts, it's been made abundantly clear to me that we all might have missed some real gems, conversation wise. And antics-wise. And honestly, I want to know what we missed. Because this little blurb left in the comments by libbybelle last week had me in stitches (and cleaning up my monitor after I snorteled all over it) -
@muffintop i'll never forget when you sat at our table and the first thing out of your mouth was "if i was going down on a lady she would have to be bare" ....and that's when i fell in love with you! 
So share your Forksy anecdotes in the comments! I imagine it'll be like a cross between Reader's Digest "Life in These United States" and the letters in Penthouse Forum.


  1. Love this! So bummed I missed out on it, but I was indisposed with "other" things ;)

    The group pic kicks ass and I'm heading over to RedBella's etsy shop stat. I need a pillowcase, bad.

    xoxo J

  2. LMFAO!!! Oh man, I miss you guys SFM. FOOOOOOOOOOOOORKS[or wherever]2012!!!!!!

    Yes, I have like 100+ wristbands left because I'm a total fail and didn't bring them with me on Saturday night. Email or DM me if you want one or ten. Those who have already sent me your addresses, my goal is to get to the post office this week!

    Lastly, thank you h00rs so much for putting together another awesome trip! I had so much fun! Can't wait to delve into Gus's pictures - and, am totally impressed at how quickly they're ready :)

  3. *Sigh* Forks. We will miss you, but damn you treated us right! Finding BlowWard wasn't a problem. I helped him find a spot to stand :) What a fucking blast...I am totally getting this pic framed.

    I think Mill Creek Tavern was a great place for shenanigans. Plywood stage, sticky floor, cheap drinks, and about 90% of the staff from Dazzled, The Lounge, and The Lodge who we met last year. It was fun to talk to them! They recognized me and a few others, and it was truly like seeing old friends again! I mean for fuck's sake...I hadn't seen any of YOU in a year, so it wasn't too different!

    I think taking BlowWard around town was a serious awesomefest. His shwang popping out all over the place was instant hilarity. Poor guy couldn't keep his pants up around us. Big surprise. Playing on the swing at the Treaty Line and doing some Spider Monkey re-enactments was a personal highlight...

    Hm...I just had so much fun, I'm not sure what was missed. Pretty sure I PMSL a few times (Thank god I brought extra panties). I wish I had more time to talk to everyone, but I think everyone wishes that there was more time. For everything.

  4. I know somebody had a real special time on Saturday night, because when we went to breakfast on Sunday morning, we spotted a blue thong on the sidewalk across from The Forks Motel!

  5. Sounds Rawr-some.

    I love how Papa Cougar and Mr AllTwiedUp have MASSIVE smiles as they are surrounded by kerrazy women.

    Shameless plug... again:

    Come say Aloha on this blog and follow it for updates about HAWAII 2013 xxxx

  6. Awwww that group pic is amazing!!! Aw, STY, thanks for posting all this. :) I have to say, I"m delighted that Blowward was such a huge hit - dragging him everywhere around Forks was, as my darling Lindsay Rae said, a serious awesomefest. Despite his rapidly deflating legs, the uh, important parts were ready to go! I have found myself totally teary eyed several times since the end of Forks, missing all my favorite hoors - it's just hard to let go once you've found your people.

    Additionally, I think my performance as Bella leaves a bit of twitchy-ness to be desired, but ladies, it is hard with Blowward staring you in the face.

  7. Bloward is in the back row kinda boob level with the back row. LOL
    I dont have any stories from Foooorrrkkkssss as since it was my fist time, I was taking it all in.
    Though, to hear the local bouncer tell stories from LAST Year was pretty funny and Ricky_DD's adventures with Zane at the Tavern. Who tries to hit on women, while your mom in the same bar?

    There's one bar in Forks and if you want fast food (Tacobell, McDs, BK or Safeway) you have to go to 40 miles away.

    Im glad you got the group shot this year. =)

  8. Oooh I miss Forks. Here is something you missed in Forks:

    There was a skipping Twitard and we have no idea who it was. This skipping Twitard was seen skipping from the bar to the hotel in the wee hours of the night by the taxi driver. We are still trying to solve this case.

    If you have any information, please contact because we will be doing a post on this breaking news story shortly (aka eventually) complete with a video dramatization.

  9. Aaahh, Zane. I miss my 12 year old Forks boyfriend. I blame that whole experience on Libbybelle! She just needed some cigarettes so bad..

    I learned while in Forks, that Forks police don't hug while on duty, you can make your drunk roomie throw up by talking about Edward stealing used tampons and mud butt, and crows can't digest pretzels according to tree living granola munchers

  10. It was Donnawhodoesnottweet who won the curse book. I'm sure she will be happy to pass onto you. I'll let her know!


  11. I learned that everything about Twilight seems more real--more easy to get lost in--when you have seen Forks. Not at first. I almost wept on the approach to the town(heading south from Port Angeles) because its street(s) was not as narrow and it didn't look anywhere near as dusky and shady as the movie. But now, when I reread the books, or Osa Bella, what I picture is the real Forks and area, not the movie one.

    What else to discover? That when you are up on the Res and a car full of Quileute boys comes bombing down a dirt road, they will all yelp and yelp at you like the wolf pack in the movies. And (vide both Taylors) they really do have tan skin. Mmmmm.

  12. Ricky_DD The crows in the Hoh were chowing down on a box of cereal that was left on top of a Black SUV. Im sure it was something healthly for them.

  13. Forks...

    I don't even know what to say about it!!! It's been 3 weeks now (right?), and I still miss everyone SO MUCH. It was unreal. The best time ever.

    Suddenly I have a shit ton of new Facebook friends (don't out me!), and it's great to see what is going on with everyone's lives.

    I'm dying over @muffintop's comment. And the black napkins! I'll never forget that! Everyone had black around their mouths. I thought we were having some kind of oxygenation problem. Everyone looked kinda... dead.

    Oh, and I'm still wearing my purple Twitarded bracelet!!! I must've got one on Friday night. :)

    I'm totally down for Forks (or wherever) 2012. Bring it on. I'm there. Love all you ladies SO much!

  14. Oohh!! Muffintop licked red velvet frosting off my boobs! I have photographic evidence of this! Sadly, don't think that anyone got a photo of double_dippin finishing it off! She sucked that frosting off like a champ

  15. Ugh! I'm TOTALLY snotsobbing at the group photo, and while running through Gusflix's pics...

    I just need to say this: THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU to every single Twitard out there who made me feel welcome, accepted, loved, cherished and - Goddammit - just a PART of this whole shebang! This was more than a life-changing experience for me - it's changed my utter existence!

    I have. No. Words. *nods head in total acceptance* You know, Twitards? YOU ROCK MY SOX! (And yes, shouty caps are totally required...)

    CC xx

  16. Forgot to mention I was among those with an Edward napkin 'stache Saturday night. Damn napkins! I'm glad I found out though. I have a drawer full of them at work and now I have a good reason to save [hoard] them for posterity!

  17. Reading all these comments is getting me all choked up!

    Looking forward to the dramatic re-enactment of "The Skipping Twitard" (sounds like she may have skipped herself right out of her undies lol).

  18. One of my favorite stories was me meeting SuzsPetals. Hubby and I were walking into to the diner to get dinner the first night and a woman runs to the door, slides it open and says "SuzsPetals" in a way I thought it was a question. Thank goodness hubby was a little more awake than me and says "I think SHE is SuzsPetals." I had never seen a picture of her before so I had no idea that SuzsPetals was running up to greet me, I thought she was the diner hostess or something. LOL!!! Needless to say huge hugs ensued and I will never forget that meeting.

    My other favorite story: I went into the ladies room at the Hoh Forest and when I came out my hubby was talking to two woman - not uncommon when Twitards are in town - but I did not recognize them. And neither did my hubby, he just assumed he met them the night before because they said "Are you Brian?" and he answered yes but the next thing said was the best part: "I recognized Mocha, your monkey." LOL!!! It was Gemma/Edbrella and her sister Hayley and they recognized our little traveling monkey, Mocha and guessed it was Brian. LOL!! Again huge hugs ensued!!

    Oh wait, one more... PurpleWhipped and I never got to meet last year so it was on the list to make sure we met. During the first party I walked up to her during the announcements and was totally not prepared for her to jump on me!!! And then climb on me to hug me. I would have to say it was the most enthusiastic greeting I have ever had and I wouldn't trade it for anything. I am just glad she is tiny and I didn't drop her :)

    I love all of you and I miss you all more than you can know. Thank you for everything!

  19. I'm kinda bummed I never got to go to the Mill Creek Inn. I really wanted to. It sounds like everyone there had a blast and the locals weren't super creepy.

    Ladies - this was a great trip and thank you ALL so much for coming!! It warms my cold, angry heart to hear all these awesome, funny and well, plain weird stories. You are the greatest group of women in the fucking world. xoxo.

  20. OMG, I love that pic. And I wonder what I'm yelling. (?) I need to go check out Gus's pics.

    Ont hat note, there IS a place where everyone can post/share pics - I made a group Photobucket account:

    User ID: Twitards
    password: forks2011
    folder passwords: sparklepeen

    Go now and upload your pics!! There are a bunch there already - feel free to save them or order prints or whatever. Share and share alike, Twitardia. :)

    SOOOO much fun this year. Between planking, hiking, and the tree-of-good-mojo, I have so many great memories from this year. I'm with everyone else who has said (maybe not in these comments, but elsewhere): it's not the place, it's the people. Where are we meeting up in 2012? :)

  21. Oh snap!
    For the record, I had been drinking...
    Of course, I probably would've said it regardless :)


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