Um, all I can say is the past two days have been very stimulating for STY and me (in more ways than one!). Not only did we get a gazillion hits and some seriously hysterical comments, but we also got to read some awesome fan fiction (get your motors runnin'...). And we have been absolutely floored by your responses. The first thing I did this morning when I got into the office was check our stats. I shrieked 'HOLY FUCKING SHIT!!!' (to which my boss yelled back, 'WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON OVER THERE?!). All I'm saying is it's a good thing swearing isn't uncommon in my office and the nice folks over in IT are used to the fact that I spray coffee at my computer monitor and keyboard on a regular basis (I am pretty sure they think I have some sort of a medical condition at this point...).
From Etsy.
We also learned something about all of you, my lovely Twi friends. Being that this is a Twilight blog we figured we'd have to keep the naughtiness to a minimum because - let's face it - the series is pretty tame. As in I'm-kinda-virginal-wait-'til-you're-married-to-poke-her-with-your-vampsicle kinda tame. Therefore, we had no idea you guys would turn out to be total sluts. I mean that in the good way, of course. Really. If we had known about all of you sooner, we would have titled this blog TwiSlutty (I figured 'I Want to Bang Robward, Jacksper AND Kemmett' was a little long), not Twitarded, because it's clear that we all have a lot more in common than just being ga-ga overTwilight. I think it's pretty obvious now that STY and I have minds that are generally hovering (ok, ok, completely submerged) in the gutter 24/7. It's equally obvious that we're clearly in excellent company. Hell, even Top Twilight Blogs agrees with us - we're now #69! Boo-yah!Last night, after I was finished squealing with glee at some of the comments you folks left (dirty, dirty, the whole lot of ya!), STY and I began to chat and eureka! we came up with a fucking fantastic, orgasmic idea.
We're going to call it "TwiSlut Day" (um, or something like that... we have almost a month to think about it), and someday you can tell your grandkids the story of how you helped create it! Once a month, STY and I are going to compile some of the raciest fan fiction we can get our saucy little paws on. It will be a free-for-all smutfest here at Twitarded. Have a topic? A link you want to share? Something you wrote that you think will make our toes curl? Well don't just sit there! Email us and maybe we'll post it, along with our two cents, natch.
Also, STY has been
We haven't quite decided exactly when the next TwiSlut day will be, but we figure once a month sounds good. Poor STY almost had a nervous breakdown last night due to the pressure to get the goods to everyone, and it will take her some time to recover. We'll try to do it every third Thursday or something. Hopefully we can keep this going before ML and DH discover our mass collections of naughtiness on our computers. Cuz' if that happens, you might not be hearing from us for awhile... we might be busy doin' other stuff.
We are hoping this will satisfy our urges for smut. And yours, too! Plus, we figure this actually counts as some sort of quasi-philanthropic contribution to society on our part, as more than a few of you commented on how this was benefiting not just you, but your whole family (and family-in-the-making). We're really just a bunch of humanitarians over here at Twitarded! You can thank us later. Or name the little tyke born nine months from now after us. Either one will do.
"I'm-kinda-virginal-wait-'til-you're-married-to-poke-her-with-your-vampsicle" VAMPSICLE!!?? OMG I about died when I read that!! hahahaha!!
ReplyDelete"#69! Boo-yah!" i snorted with laughter...yea...snorted!!
STY came up with 'vampsicle' and I nearly pissed my pants. The #69 occurred to me, as they often do, at the most inappropriate time - at work. I couldn't stop chuckling.
ReplyDeleteOk- so I have read your entire archive today. I have nearly pissed myself all afternoon!!! I had tears rolling several times. Love me some smut! I agree that it benefits the hubby handsomely when I read it! Especially if I read it while sipping on some wine! :) Loved, loved, loved the blog!!!
ReplyDeleteBecky
Maybe you can request to stay at #69? Ha! Ha!
ReplyDeleteAfter being pulled into the Twilight addiction nearly 19 months ago (and having been mostly closeted this whole time--talk about painful) it is soooo nice to have found this snarky saracastic place.
Yes, you should most definitely give the writing a go! Yes, to TwiSlut day--TwiSlut Tuesday has a nice ring to it. I am completely overwhelmed with all the reading I need to do...but so looking forward to it. My DH doesn't know it yet, but he is looking forward too.
Thanks JJ and STY and congrats again on all the new followers. When you are rich and famous please remember us little people from your humble beginnings. Hee! Hee! :)
Completely entertaining. A Twilight site with a snarky attitude like me! I love it. being 26, I feel a bit too "old" for most of the sites that are being run or run-over by teens; plus I am new to this whole twilight thing, and saw the movie for the first time like a month and a half ago- and then read the books. So I am still virginal. Thus; I have found only a select few sites that don't make me feel so old and/or out of the loop! and I LOVE the humor, crudeness and off hand remarks here. Totally up my alley. Have not yet read any fanfic of the slutty kind- But I might try it! Sure the hubby wouldn't mind! Did read one that was a parody (It's Not Twilight) and almost peed myself laughing. Which is another plus here- people can take themselves with a grain of salt and actually have a laugh! some twilight people are WAY too into it, and loose themselves somewhere between reality and fantasy.. :) Thanks for the laughs- You rock!
ReplyDelete"Or name the little tyke born nine months from now after us. Either one will do."
ReplyDeleteDidn't y'all say you didn't like Reneesme and now you want us to name our first born JJSTY?! That sounds a little too Brangelina for my taste, lol.
Seriously! Funniest post yet! Hey, count me in on TwiSlut day. I JUST found the joys of fan fiction and quickly went from the "Ahhh, that was sweet" to "Edward is the dirtiest mo-fo banging everything he can get his glittery hands on" very quickly. Yep, turns out...I'm a slut.
ReplyDeleteLove your blogs, I was looking for some grown up Twitalk
ReplyDeleteHoly shit, nearly pissed my pants at the "vampsicle" comment! That is brilliant. Mostly I find the need to keep my "ride him till he begs for mercy" attitude in check for fear of sounding like a total dirty old lady (is 38 old?) - but here... it's so free and slutty, I love it!! And hello?! The fanfic fucking rocks dude. Sign me up for TwiSlut day.... please! Ooooh, what I wouldn't do with that vampsicle!!
ReplyDeleteI just read all of your blogs yesterday....literally, while the kids were sleeping. I almost died when I read your "vampsicle" comment. So. Funny. Bring on the TwiSlut day. I want to be in on the smut! You gals are effin' hilarious! Keep it up!
ReplyDelete@VitaminR70- That thought did occur to me, I have to be honest. I STY and I need to learn some photoshop... :)
ReplyDeleteAnd you guys are the best! And I have a better chance of bedding Robward then getting rich and famous... lol!
@Jayme - Glad you like! There is lots of snarkiness to be had on thi site. And many others! Definitely check out our blogroll.
@Koolio - Actually, we were thinking more along the lines of Jenny Snarkface. Or maybe Snarky Jerkface. ;P
@Amcas -Welcome to slutland. It's fun around here. In many, many different ways... lol.
@Stacy - fuck no, 38 is NOT old. And thanks to your comment, I now have coffee all over my keyboard. Again. lol!
@Kat - We'll definitely keep y'all posted! I'm so glad you liked our post.
When STY through out vampsicle I damn near peed myself.
I didn't think it was possible to love you two more than I already do! (in a very non-lesbian-ish way........maybe.)
ReplyDeleteaaahh...bring on the smutty TwiPorn please!
=]
I predict with this new focus on your website, you will rocket to the top of the site charts. I made a reference to you guys on the FB twimom pages. No one "bit" to my posting but I know they are probably coming over here for a view :)
ReplyDelete@Becky - welcome! And we're all for a little vino or the like - I agree that somehow it all just goes together very nicely! Not sure what this says about the blog, or us - lol! - but I think it's a good thing!
ReplyDelete@VitaminR70 - thanks! and yeah, I wish that we could stay at #69 until we hit the top 10, but since we're never going to make it to top 10, I guess we'll just have to take what they give us... : )
@Jayme - if you're a fan of all things crude and snarky, you've come to the right place! We will have to check out the parody - I have found some good ones, too! The one I mention in the fanfic recommendation post is hysterical imho (it could be the same thing - I forget what it was called, but take a look!).
@Koolio - what?! OK, fine - I'm willing to compromise: I think "Justy" has a nice ring to it, don't you??? ; )
@amcas - right? who knew?! and here we all probably thought those trollop-y days we're behind us, when in reality our inner bad girls were just waiting for the right time to make a comeback!
@Stacy - absolutely check your "prim & proper" at the door when you're here - lol! And no, you are not a dirty old lady. OK, maybe the dirty part is on target, but 38 is not old (take it from one who knows!).
@kat - thanks for all the comments & glad you are enjoying our blog!! I have a feeling TwiSlut day is going to be a roaring success...
: )
I am in on TwiSmutDay. I love Twilight smut. Love it!
ReplyDeleteReally I don't need, my mind is dirty enough as it is, but I like being corrupted with images of what others thinks the Cullens should be doing when they have never ending time on their hands, I know for sure, I would not be playing chess.....I would be breaking houses down!
OK I'm reading so many damn fanfics I can't fucking keep all the story lines right. Although my 2 faves are Red Line where Edward is a stripper http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4819806/1/The_Red_Line
ReplyDeleteand Wide Awake where Edward is messed up in the head but in a totally hot bad boy kinda way.
http://angstgoddess003.livejournal.com/
Sign me up for TwiSlut Tuesday, Thursday, could be every freakin' day as far as I'm concerned. JJ and STY, bust out the PhotoShop skills and give us an 'I Haz TwiPorn' logo to go with our slutty day. Hell, I'll pimp out my PS skills if needed. Branding is everything, you know ;)
ReplyDelete@Special K - sadly we have no photoshop skills ourselves but we have friends who are willing to help us out & we're definitely working on it!
ReplyDeletewon't be smutty but i think it'll be great anyway (as far as non-smutty things go, anyway).
: )
@Tiffany - I have no idea how I am going to find time to red all the fanfic that I HAVE to read now but somehow I am going to make it happen. Maybe give up sleeping or something?? Start taking 1/2 days at work?? Something's gotta give!
@Cullen Hiney Tingles - ditto - the chess board would not be in heavy rotation, activity-wise - lol!
I've been reading this for awhile - love it! But I had to post my favorite dirty fic for you guys ^_^
ReplyDeleteIt's called "The List" and it's all the things that Bella wants to do to Edward. Very smutty - I'm a huge fan.
http://www.twilighted.net/viewstory.php?sid=2026
You've got to be a registered user on Twilighted to read it though, since it's NC-17.... Hope you enjoy it!
you two are twigoddesses!
ReplyDeleteyou've officially reeled me in. sarcasm and smut are two of my favorite things...next to robward, of course, ha! so let's combine all three, shall we? YES.
there IS a place for us non-tween twifans. i'm relieved and elated!
keep up the excellent work :)
-jane
@Tasha - We heart you in a non-lesbian way, too! LOL.
ReplyDelete@Jenny - great name, lol. Thanks for the link!
@Jane - THANK YOU!! We hope to meld all three into a trinity of lusciousness.
Does anyone else feel like if you didn't have a job you had to be at, a husband at home, and unlimited funds... you'd be stalking the SHIT out of Robward?? I know I would - and at my age, I ain't talking about asking him for an autograph if you know what I mean!! (Have I mentioned I have stalking experience... yep, minor league baseball players used to be my game - now it's teenage vampires! (OK, so THAT makes me sound like a pedophyle a little bit!) Let me rephrase - now it's hot, young rising stars!! And hopefully it's not just his star that's rising!! Alrighty then...
ReplyDelete@JJ--You will become rich and famous WHEN you bed Robward. Ha!
ReplyDeleteI came clean to my husband last night that I was reading Twiporn. Well, he actually came home earlier than I expected and caught me reading Frenemies. I think somehow he thinks this is time better spent than simply drooling over Rob and talking about Twilight all the time (and making videos starring Pocket Edward). At least (Twi)porn is something he can relate to (and benefit from). Who knew Twiporn fanfic would be the bridge between me and the husband for all things Twilight? :)This is like free freakin' marriage counseling right here! Thanks fellow Twitards.
OMG I love it!!!! TwiSlut Day! I've slowly converted my sis in law to a Twitard now to TwiSlut. Ohhh, as I put my pinky on my lower lip, how fun! I read some of the fanfic yesterday and wow. Where have I been? I have to admit, I skimmed through the longer ones just to get down to business, which makes me a bigger TwiSlut :) I swear, if we all lived near each other, we could have the biggest Twiparty. I love you guys in a non lesbian way and I look forward to my TwiSlut day!! Oh and the part about the Vampsicle is classsssiiiccc! It took my slow ass a minute to get it, but then I was cracking up when I finally got it. Lovez it.
ReplyDeleteABSO-FUCKING-LUTLY!!!!!! A monthly Twi-sult day is a definte. Im even considering writing something, just to try it, no gartentuees on the quality though.......... ::spaced out look in my eyes and drools::....... o sorry, i was rehearsing my ideas with my halucinatory Edward. lol.
ReplyDeleteThese racey fanfics give new meaning to the term twi-hard!! lol!!!
Top 5 reasons I heart you...
ReplyDelete1. You're Twitarded (DUH!)
2. You say things like vampsicle, love custard & fuck juice that cause diet cherry coke to shoot out of my nose.
3. You snicker just hearing the #69.
4. You say "shits and giggles" (thought I was the only one that said that!)
5. You ♥ Twiporn ;)
VAMPSICLE???????????????????????????
ReplyDeletebahhahahahaahaa
Found this blog yesterday and I can't stop resding and laughing. I just think it's so wrong and twisted and fucking wonderful. Love it. I had no idea about twiporn until I read this blog thank you. Looking forward to Twislut. You rock.
ReplyDelete@VitaminR70 - your post was LITERALLY my night last night! I finally fessed up to my husband (he knew about Wide Awake, but I jsut said it was an online book that I had found, written by a fan of Twilight). But he's been reaping the benefits from all this fanfic/twiporn lately, and now he's ALL FOR IT. Like you said, better than marriage counseling (or in our case, no better way to get back on the bandwagon post-baby!)
ReplyDelete@Jane & Stacy - I think you both read my mind!!!
STY & JJ and all the rest of you ladies, you are fan-fucking-tastic. I am looking (lusting?) forward to TwiSlut day, and will send any good links i can find your way. Ok, I had better go tend to the kids now...
Oh, and the Vampsicle?? Bloody brilliant. This blog has made my week!
@Anne-Yes, I definitely wish I had all this to rev me back after having my two kids. That said, thanks to Twilight (even pre-Twi-porn), now the Twi-porn, and also the Sookie Stackhouse books which I am now devouring (which are slightly naughty) my husband has NOTHING to complain about. My husband knows it is a result of all this and he has now learned to stop flipping me so much crap about it......he doesn't want his good fortune to run out.....neither do I.
ReplyDelete@ajtoo--I second your list all the way. Both my husband still make jokes about #69 all the time. Hee!
I too am loving "vampsicle". My Team Jacob friend and I often have had this argument. Why would you want a frozen willy when you could have a hot, steamy dog?
you two rock!!!!
ReplyDeleteI cant think of what else to say-funny as fuck!
-Corr
Holy Hell I missed the boat on this one!
ReplyDeleteBut in my defense, I've been greedily reading The Submissive & The Dom and every other smutastic fanfic story you both suggested. And let me just say, I am tingling in ALL the right places. LOL Wow you guys are making me one dirty girl. And I LOVE IT! GOD BLESS TwiSlut days! I will greedily read ANYTHING you two put out. :) And hope Twitarded sky rockets to number 1!
As always it's not just the article I adore but the comments after and I have no clue where to even begin. Twitarded followers are for the WIN!
So I started on TCA's blog which eventually led me here and thank God for that!! I will claim TwiSlut status for sure! I'm glad to see there were other women who were yelling "Tell us more damn it!!" when Bella and Edward went into the water....and then that was it. it is a beautiful story and all, but damn for all the hours I put into those books, I felt like I was totally getting the female version of "blue balls". You guys are awesome!
ReplyDeleteLove, Katie (a married 23 year old with no kids)
Hey.
ReplyDeleteI just stumbled across this blog a couple days ago. I absolutely love it. You have me nearly pissing my pants, how intense my giggles were!!!
And.... I love the twilight smut. Stephanie Meyer totally skimped over the naughty bits in Breaking Dawn... and I was sadly disappointed... UNTIL... I found fanfiction. My god, my husband is so happy of that discovery.
:P
And Katie, I'm also a married 23 year old with no kids :)
Take care,
Dom
Can I just say right now that this is the best blogspot ever! I stumbled across this at work while feeding my Edward crack addiction and HOLY SHIT! I nearly peed myself laughing! Girls, keep rockin it out with your pocket Edwards- effing LOVE IT!~
ReplyDeleteHaha Anon,- we both "stumbled across and peed ourselves"!!!
ReplyDeleteAs my BFF says when I send her my "afternoon delight" pics Of Edward- "Dry up and get back to work :)
My twibud Stacy alerted me to this particluar thread..cause i sent her her first M rated twiporn from fanfiction! Love to get all squishy over twiporn. Bring it! Love it! Can't get enough!
ReplyDeleteOk, when I posted earlier, I had just read the first two links. I'm current reading Submissive and let me just say. WTF!! That is some Twi-Porn. I felt so weird because I started to look at it while on break at work and let me say it's fucking creepy being all hot and bothered and having your boss walk in and ask why you're smiling, I wanted to say "God, get the F*** out of my office, I'm reading Twi-Porn" :) Oh how funny. Keep the Twi-Porn coming.
ReplyDelete@ Honolulu Girl - I just read both the Dom and the Sub plus everything else by tara in just shy of 24 hours. My poor kids and husband... well maybe not my poor husband. ;)
ReplyDeleteIt is totally a WTF read and so very very hot. But I LOVED that it was so much more then simply Twi-porn. Like Wide Awake, I thought the story was pretty decent... or am I just justifying??? Oh heaven help me I'm lost in a world of smut. Please NO ONE save me!
@ cuteangiek ~ save you, nah i dont think one has any life perservers to throw. im pretty sure we are all happily sumersed in a world of twi-smut
ReplyDeleteCan't... keep... up..., lol. Well, I could keep up with the comments if I wasn't trying to read smut. I nearly shoved ML off the computer chair when I finally got home today.
ReplyDeleteI swear I'm going to frame some of these comments. You guys are killing me!
I cant get enough of this stuff, you guys are awsome, thank you, thank you, thank you
ReplyDelete@I Punch Werewolves 4 Fun - At least we're all drowning together.;) Safety in numbers right? Or is it more like mob mentality??
ReplyDeleteRandomly: Is anyone else giggling over that thought of ALL of us, eyes glued to our computers screens reading smut? Cause that's just a great visual. Read Twitards Read!
@ cuteangiek ~~ im guessing a quiet twi-smut reading riot??? imagine if we all got together at an internet cafe or somiething. all the giggles and blushes. lol
ReplyDeletei think its awsome knowing im not at all a twisted and sick individual. That WE ALL are sitting glued to a comp screen and possibly drooling over this!!!
@ajtoo - don't know how I missed this! I love saying shits and giggles. And ducky. And I'm glad you heart us. I am also amazed that you managed to put a real 'heart' in your comment. Your html skills are impressive. :)
ReplyDeletesafety in numbers, ladies. safety in numbers :) Every one of us GLUED to our computers (or glued to printer paper like me, who buys cheap paper & prints chapters out so that I can lie in bed or rock the baby & have something to read) our husbands/sig others should not only love Twilight, but now TwiPorn, and esp. Twitarded! Even my 4 year old benefits because if I am really involved in a story, then the answer to "Momma can I watch another Imagination Movers" is a resounding YES!!! (please don't call DFS) Really, they should all be thanking you JJ & STY!
ReplyDeleteQuick question to pose to yall: When you guys read fanfic, who do you picture as the characters?? Do you visualize Rpatz & Kstew & the rest of the cast? Or just whatever your brain comes up with. I'm curious because thru Wide Awake, all I could picture was RP & KS. But in some of the others, it's not real specific. Anyway...
Lastly, I was reading Frenemies today (not my fav, but still a fun read) and my new favorite term to rival Vampsicle has to be...SPARKLE STICK. As a former dance team member, this term is near & dear to my heart :) Don't stay up too late tonight, ladies!!! :)
Hey Anne.
ReplyDeleteI agree, for Wide Awake I picture Rob and Kristen. But for something like The Red Line, I don't picture them. My mind does make up different people... I mean, not even Jasper, Alice or Emmett look the same as they do in the movies. Their characters change as well...
Carlise usually stays the same in my head.... hmmmm I love me some Peter :)
-Dom
i know we are all looking at our lusty smut stories right now, but if any one needs a good chuckle, i found one about the cullens being on the show wife swap, so far just hallarious
ReplyDeletehttp://www.fanfiction.net/s/5011089/1/Cullen_Wife_Swap
do I need to read this "wide awake"?? EVERYONE is talking about it! I don't really read the mature fanfic...i just try to stay away from that stuff....(i have an addictive personality) but i keep hearing good things about it.
ReplyDeleteps...katie and dom I am 23, married with no kids too! crazy! hehe
Er, I'm not sure about Wide Awake, but I'm reading Submissive right now and... ahem. It ain't bad. As long as you like that kind of thing. Frankly, it's pretty freaking good.
ReplyDelete@jj i didnt think i was really into that kind of thing till i read that one. now .... lol. j/p but how do u like it? i loved it! i read it last nite, started at 2am and went to bed at 6am
ReplyDeletekdgrimmer & JJ-
ReplyDeleteMust.read.Wide.Awake!! Very hawt & angsty. I'm totally addicted to this story. So sad that it's cumming to an end.
Just started reading The Office on FanFiction.net. Holy shit is all I'm saying!!
Read The List and Let Your Light Shine over at Twilighted.net... I gotta say....I need a ciggy (they are NC17) after those. They were the best I've come (heh, heh, come) across in the fanfic universe.
ReplyDelete<3 your blog...
Just started reading you guys the day of the "Controversy ..." piece and I feel like I've come home. I posted as Anon. that day - OME - I'm a 40 something mom & school teacher with a secret life as a Twislut now! I was the one who wanted Venomous Vampire Love Custard to be a band name and was distracted from my term paper by the Twirotica! Well, gotta say I love you guys and the travels of pocket Edward too. I'm exhausted from staying up to late reading Twismut (hiding it under the covers like an adolescent dork with porn when my hubby came in - though he may like the results of such reading, he's super jealous of a fictional vampire!). So, now I'm exhausted, but happy to know at least I'm not nuts - or, if I am, that it's a good thing and I'm not alone. Thanks Twitard women!
ReplyDeleteI read "Cullen Wife Swap" last night and I could NOT stop laughing! I'm sad that its not finished! GAH! srsly! its a must read! there's some HILARIOUS stuff where Jasper uses his ability to torment Emmett...i about peed my pants!
ReplyDeleteso where can I find WIDE AWAKE????
ReplyDeletemust find it...please provide link...
twisluts unite!
I just Googled it - it's hysterical. I'll look for the link though - have to take care of kids & hub first. What's the Red Line? Is it tender, character-true Twirotica or bizarre stuff like Wide Awake? (Not that there's anything wrong with bizarre!)
ReplyDeleteYay! #69 what a coinkidink!
ReplyDelete"Clits Up" should be the official "Twislut Day" motto!
I don't know about you but through each book I was waiting for some vampsicle action and to no avail I was left dry and wanting. Now through the extraordinary revelation that is fanfic, so graciously bestowed on us, we get the hot and juicy... in more ways than one... wink wink
And I have disagree about husbands being offended by our twiporn addictions. Mine has welcomed my twitardedness/twihorniness with open arms as well as other... well let me just stop there...
luv ya twisluts not so anonymous *mwah*
JUst read the first couple chapters of Red Line - love it. But, now my life won't be complete without a leather clad vampire boy toy!
ReplyDeleteI cant get enough of this stuff, you guys are awsome, thank you, thank you, thank you
ReplyDeleteHaha Anon,- we both "stumbled across and peed ourselves"!!!
ReplyDeleteAs my BFF says when I send her my "afternoon delight" pics Of Edward- "Dry up and get back to work :)
"Or name the little tyke born nine months from now after us. Either one will do."
ReplyDeleteDidn't y'all say you didn't like Reneesme and now you want us to name our first born JJSTY?! That sounds a little too Brangelina for my taste, lol.
Oh Thank God I found you guys. I need more more and more and I have been looking for something like this. Thank you Thank you. I shall read and make friends.
ReplyDelete