Tuesday, March 2, 2010

Random Recommendations by Jenny Jerkface

It's time. For a big steaming pile of randomness, that is.

While most of you have been swept up in the Robapalooza frenzy of Remember Me, my mind has decided it was going to fuck with me at a most inopportune time by making random thoughts pop up while I'm trying to drink in all the luscious pictures of RPattz that are out there.

Oh mah gahd. He is SO hot, I can't believe how fuck... I wonder if I could set this glass of wine on fire... wha? shut up, brain, I'm trying to eyefuck RPattz!!!

Now, I know most of you have these kind of fluky ruminations every once in awhile but there I was, attempting to drool over a picture of Robert Pattinson when all of a sudden I was thinking, "I wonder if most people arrange their recycling garbage so the booze containers are hidden at the bottom so the neighbors don't judge," or, "Which coworker is responsible for the ridiculously long pubic hairs I find in the bathroom from time to time? Doesn't she know 70's bush is waaaay out of style?"

So yeah, I was having difficulty focusing last night. Normally I would run these musings past ML but he's on a business trip so I was left all alone with my brain spinning like a fucking coked up hamster on a wheel.

At one point I was lying in bed with my new Macbook, waiting for some psycho killer to break in, hack my body to bits and defile my corpse when something else came to mind.

What the hell was the last book I read that wasn't Twilight related?

I pondered this with only a slight amount of alarm before I finally gave up and headed downstairs to check out my bookcases. That's right, multiple. Like most of you, there was a time in my life when I read books that did not involve sparkly brooding teenage vampires with questionable control issues.

Antigone? No. The Fountainhead? Nah. Junky? Nope. Ooooh, New Moon!! Perfect...

As I sat there, perusing my shelves, another brilliant thought came to mind (and it was probably only pure genius because I was half-asleep and had to get up in five hours): maybe you guys are in the same boat. Maybe you need a little sumpthin' sumpthin' to shake up your Twi-routine.

Because SnarkierThanYou and I love to share goodies with you guys, I figured maybe it was time to do another recommendation post. Unlike the last one I did, this one won't contain too much smut..

Hey! Get back here! Okay, okay, there will be smut!

The first one on my list is actually one that I recommended back in the infancy of Twitarded, when it was me, STY and a few other folks who stumbled onto the blog (some who even decided to stay! Yay!) and I'm bringing this up again because Kelley Armstrong is a really, really kick-ass author and it's kind-of-sort-of Twi-lated, if only because it involves vampires and the like.


She writes a series called Women of the Otherworld and you will not be disappointed if you check this out. There are hot (and potentially dangerous) dudes who are werewolves, demons, vampires, sorcerers, etc. Her female characters are strong but also incredibly realistic. As an added bonus there is even sex! It's not gratuitous lemons (okay, I really did lie about the smut) but it's still fuck-awesome.

Now that I've eased you into this clusterfuck of a post, I'll move on to my next literary endorsement - Severance Package by Duane Swierczynski. This guy is an amazing author. I found this little beast in a small bookstore in Portsmouth, New Hampshire and the only reason I bought it was because the hand written recommendation next to it said something along the lines of, "If you want three hours of murder and mayhem this is the book for you."

Between you and me, I'm a HUGE fan of mayhem, fictional or otherwise. You've been warned, all of you who are going to Foooooorks.


That rec was spot-on, bitches. The tagline on the front of the book reads, "Ever want to kill your boss? Well guess what, THE FEELING IS MUTUAL." The writing is unabashed and unashamed as the author weaves a tale of an office grunt worker who must outsmart his coworkers to stay alive. It's a quick read that keeps you turning the pages in anticipation for more.

Not in the mood for crimespree fuckery? Fear not! I have one last book for you.

My third and final book I encourage you to check out is Me Talk Pretty One Day by David Sedaris. His writing style, quick wit and insane sense of humor puts anything I could ever write to shame. This was the first book that I ever read where I was literally screaming with laughter and possibly even tinkled myself a little. [Note from STY: my tattered autographed copy of this book is one of my most prized non-Twilighty possessions.]


Not convinced? Watch this.



So, there you have it. I hope that, when your Twilight book has disintegrated in your hands from multiple readings and your S/O has finally put his/her foot down on getting your eleventh copy that you check out the books I've suggested above.

And on that note, I'm finally going to watch Robert Pattinson hot and is bothered...

63 comments:

  1. I LOVE David Sedaris!

    I'm gonna throw in one of my favorite recommendations. "Lamb; The Gospel According to Biff, Christ's Childhood Pal" by Christopher Moore. He's a total smartass (just like I like um) and he says "Fucktard" a lot. Can't wait to meet him at his book signing in three weeks. SQUEE!

    JJ, I will definitely put your recs on my list!

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  2. Thanks for the suggestions. I have a few non-Twi books collecting dust on my night stand right now.

    Between Twi-blogs, Twi-twitter and writing my own book that's in heavy progress, regular reading has gone out the window.

    I have a serious TweetDeck problem. That stupid tweet/hoot sound haunts me across my house!

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  3. Are you guys glad to here Rob explain the whole allergic to vaginas thing. I think it's funny that in pretty much every interview he does now, he has to explain it. I wonder if that bothers him......

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  5. Ahaha! That's so funny about the pubes...I am a teacher and all 40 of us have 2(!) factulty bathrooms to share, which can be really fucking disgusting at times, and YES--I have had to toilet paper-wipe pubes off of the seat many times...sick.
    I don't know why, but I have walked past this book (Me Talk Pretty One Day) without a second thought so many times without a second thought. You've talked me into it...I think I'll buy it this weekend.
    Have you seen Little Ashes?

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  6. Oh Muh Gawd. He is so fawking ADORABLE! I set my alarm last night so that I could watch Rob on JF, and I spent my whole lunch hour watching this clip on YouTube. I give a little SQUEEE everytime he fondles his hair. Love it! And who is the singer or band that Jimmy Fallon mentions at the end when Rob says Kristen stole all his answers? I've been Googling all day w/ no success.

    So many things to say and they all relate to the clip of Robert...Thank you for the recommendations Jenny-Once I stop drooling I'll focus on that too.

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  8. Check out any of Sherrilyn Kenyon's Dark Hunter series...there are like 19 of them read them in order, and before you know it, it will be time for Eclipse!

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  9. Great post!! I have had BOTH your random thoughts! I pray every time I bring my large garbage bag of beer and wine bottles to the recycling bin in our apt complex that no one sees me... it's shameful. AND.. who IS that gal with the long pubes??? I saw it again today! Gah!!

    I'm going to try your book recs. Thanks!!

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  10. Well JJ - you've given me an excuse to finally go and pay my library fines. I think Severance Package looks like it might me my kinda book.

    Also, I noticed that the fuckhawt picture of Rob is called earlyshow_069 -tee hee 69.

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  11. Wow. Twiworld and real world collide. Duane date one of my best friends in high school and college. Note, I did not say we were friends, Duane is very much like his books and comics, I never felt cool enough around him. Excellent book rec!

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  12. I saw David Sedaris here in San Diego. I had never read any of his books, but had heard lots of things about him via a creative writing teacher that knew him personally.
    Anyhoo, my friend who happens to be a huge DS fan, invited me along. He is hysterical! Have you ever read "Holidays on Ice?"...it's a bunch of his typical short stories involving the holiday season. One involving a job he took as one of Santa's Elves in Times Square. Just picture it....FUNNY SHIT.

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  13. I'm with ya. "Should I read one of my college books again? Things Fall Apart? Beloved? Hamlet? Ulysses? Mrs Dalloway? (I still keep them in my bookshelves because they make me look smart) No, I think I'll re-re-reread the Twilight saga for the sixth time." Sigh. I'll have a look at your recs, they look kinda interesting.

    If anyone's looking for a light read, try PC Cast's Goddess of Partholon series. She's got a great sense of humour and I really like the heroine. No explicit smut, but there's a very hot and um....unusual hero.

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  14. @JJ - ok see, this is exactly why i come here to your little den of debauchery.

    sure, there's all this robfuckery going on. moanin' & groanin'. wet panties and the like. shit loads.

    but just when i'm tuning in for my evening debasement, ready to sport girl wood - again -reveling in my 24 hour stimulus overload of The Pretty <+ his junk. teeth. hair. voice. tongue.>, you totes cock block me with the ultimate fuckworthy literary commentary.

    let me be clear on my point:

    YOU FUCKING ROCK sista girl.

    so now i'm thinking...omg. is it normy for me to now be sportin' girl wood for david sedaris?

    me thinks so...cause david sedaris is a whole 'nother kind of mind fuck.

    in summation:

    thank you.

    ps. so buying the book tomrows.

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  15. and now back to robfuckery w/jonjon in

    3

    2

    1

    motherfucking squeeeee!!!!!

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  16. Scarlet CharlotteMarch 2, 2010 at 11:23 PM

    JJ You rock! I effing love me some David Sedaris. Also, I am reading Delta of Venus per your previous reccs and just finished The Story of O last night- what did you/anyone think of this book? I am a bit "bovered" by it to be honest, can;t tell if it was steamy or tragic.
    AND I finally decided to finish Taming of SLeeping Beauty or the third book in the series, was inspired to read outside of the Twi genre, and I'm glad I did- it was a much happier ending than I thought it would be.

    I give Jimmy Falon 200 points!

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  17. best part of daily show...the sex hair. ok, that laugh. erm, ok the hands. oh who am i kidding.

    i'm gonna peel my wet self off this couch and go down to my bunker for a ciggy & a dirty martini with 3 fucking olives.

    gah.

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  18. I'm currently reading the Vampire academy series. Someone recommended it and guess what, they we're right, it's good. It's funny and they swear alot. Theres this hot Russian instructor who makes your girly bits tingle a little and the heroin is Rose who mouths off and kicks ass... literaly. Read it. It's great.

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  19. I know I will regret it but I have to send your post to my hubby as he will want to read the last 2 books you recommended. The reason I will regret it is because we have too many books. While some may think that is not possible, I can tell you it is possible when you have a very small house. There is no more room at the inn. But these books sound great and I think we should read them. I love the bookcases and the room you have for them - I am so jealous!

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  20. The first time I saw the lasers shooting from his eyes I peed a little, I was laughing so hard. What the hell is up with his hair though? It's starting to just look insane.

    Love Kelley Armstrong!! Bitten is one of my favorite books.

    I'll add two other recommendations.

    1. Laurell K. Hamilton: Anita Blake Vampire Executioner series is rip roaring good fun with Vampires, Were-animals & zombies oh my. And as a bonus, full of hot, HOT OMG Sex.

    2. Kim Harrison: Hallows Series is a lot of fun as well. Cool characters, funny and of course, the obligatory Vampires.

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  22. p.s. Thanks for the new reccs...

    JJ- If you have not tackled this one, A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius A.H.W.O.S.G) by Dave Eggers is tragically hilarious. I love his writing style as much as I like David Sedaris- and I think the humor is in the same vein.

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  23. Just thought of another great book. "You Suck" by Christopher Moore. I laughed through the whole thing. It too is about Vampires...shocker I know.

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  24. @dangrdafne: Having too many books is possible in a fairly large house too, when three of the four people who live there are avid readers and the fourth is an artist with friggin huge Anatomy for the Artist and the Works of Salvador Dali etc lying around the fuckin place. Also two of the four people are messy buggers.

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  25. Thanks for the recs JJ...maybe I can convince my book club to read "Personal Demon" and "Severance Package"--we need to lighten up a little bit on our reading.

    I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE David Sedaris!!!!! "Me Talk Pretty One Day" is a classic. He is fucking hysterical (and so is his sister Amy). I actually was just listening to "Barrel Fever and Other Stories" on the train back from Vancouver a week and a half ago...I kept laughing out loud...I think I was annoying some people...imagine that.

    The Rob sketch with Jimmy Fallon was the best. This gives me so much hope that he could do SNL and do it well. So great. I might just have to go watch it again.

    I love the random posts...who am I kidding? I love them all.

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  26. @Toefunny - Have you read the first book in Christopher Moore's vampire series called "Blood Sucking Fiends"? It's also genius. The third called "Bite Me" comes out this month. I've read every single one of his books and they're all amazing!

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  27. @mmMoxie: A third one!!! You've made my day!!

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  28. I totally recommend anything by Jenn Lancaster! She is absolutely hilarious, any one of her memoirs make me crack up (Bitter is the New Black, Such A Pretty Fat, Bright Lights Big Ass) Oh and she is a Twilight fan too
    Oh and where the hell is 15 Step? I don't like to pester authors but it has been so long that I have forgotten what was happening. Love you gals anyway!

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  29. Great! A couple more to add to the pile next to the bed collecting dust. I've never read David Sedaris but I'm totally going to start. He's fucking funny.

    Oh and JJ, did you somehow gain access to my blog post drafts? Just wondering because I started a post about how it might be time to read a book not related to Twilight... sooooo I guess that will have to wait a while to get posted! LOL!

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  30. I love this post! I am always looking for new reads. Thanks JJ.

    I recommend:
    For Chick Lit: Buenos Aires Broken Hearts Club by Jessica Morrison

    For a classic: This Side of Paradise by F. Scott Fitzgerald.

    Smut: Mr. Perfect by Linda Howard

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  31. thanks for the recs!!! that guy was HIGHlarious btw... LOVE IT!

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  32. Hmmm, more books to add to my to read pile. I really love Kelley Armstrong - Bitten, Stolen, Broken, and Frostbitten are my absolute favourites. Its about a Canadian (hence the Canuck spelling) werewolf, Elena and her pack. She's tough, intelligent, sexy, strong, a really great female character....

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  33. @ Latchkey Wife - I am not surprised that you and JJ had the same blog post idea - slowly we are all mind melding together I think - and that is not a bad thing! I find that we are all on the same kind of wavelength about lots of things anymore and I find that fascinating :)

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  34. Urrggg...I have purchased a few books now with hopes of reading them however fanfiction and re-reads have kept me quite busy. I keep looking at the slowly growing stack of books and just can't find the will to pick them up. So sad.

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  35. Too funny - I wrote a similar post last week, although half of that was dedicated to fan fic (of course)! Great Twi-hive minds think alike!

    Thanks for the recs, JJ! I will have to come back to watch the vids - work beckons... boo...

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  36. aw- he's so adorkable. the skit was really cute.

    sci-fi post apocalyptic fiction recommendation: Lilith's Brood by octavia butler. it's actually a collection of 3 books - fabulous!

    i'm going on vacation & was wondering if i should drag twilight with me ... thanks for the suggestions.

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  37. @Sarah - I am SO happy I'm not the only one who wonders who the fuck is living their curlies on the bathroom seat!

    I read Christopher Moore's Blood Sucking Fiends and I thought it was great!! I'll have to read his other ones.

    @Phyllis - I'm pretty sure Duane (too lazy to look up the spelling of his last name) would be totally horrified if he finds out he's linked to a lame Twilight blog. Oh well! :)

    @Scarlet Charlotte - I have to admit that The Story of O is... brutal. Definitely not for the faint of heart but I do think that it's an interesting read. Try reading Carrie's Story - it's a more modern look at the master/slave dynamic and the main character, Carrie is a really interesting figure.

    I sort of figured that most of you would already be David Sedaris fans! I've read a bunch of his books and his sister, Amy Sedaris, is fucking hysterical!!

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  38. I love David Sedaris. MY fav is "Dress Your Family in Corduroy and Denim." I just started reading the Sookie Stackhouse series. And it's entertaining. Nick Hornby is my fav author. You can never go wrong with anything by him. Recently I read "The Lovely Bones" and "Into the Wild" -- both really good reads.

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    ReplyDelete
  40. After re-watching the JF interview *motherfucking squee*, am I the only one who wanted to lick his underthigh when he crossed his legs? I couldn't stop thinking about it and had to comment. Gah.

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  41. I'm wearing my Twitarted t-shirt at PittCon today - just to represent all you h00rs!

    JJ - I read The Claiming of Sleeping Beauty and it was pretty disgusting! I prefer the BSDM we get from Ms. Kathy or Tara Sue Me. If the third book actually has a positive ending, I'll give the other two a shot. But wait -- you never read the 2nd and 3rd books in the trilogy did you?

    I don't think I'll ever catch up on all the fanfic on my list to-be-read. Especially after all the updates/outtakes/new posts from last Sunday's Reader Appreciation Day.

    It's so hard to decide the best use of my time . . . watch all the new videos of the pretty, vs. download all the new pictures of HHH, vs. keep up with all my stories! I'm hooked on FFN like my grandmother was hooked on The Guiding Light! I need to give up my job so I have more time to look at pictures of Rob and read smutty stories about Edward Cullen.

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  42. @ JJ-Thank you for the book recommendations!

    I read your recommendation for the Women of the Otherworld by Kelly Armstrong and fell totally and completely in love with the series and now I have read all the books. I NEED MORE!

    I love David Sedaris and my favorite of his books is definitely Me talk pretty one day. You are 3/3 on great book recommendations so I will go get Severance Package this week.

    Thanks for the recommendations! Keep 'em coming!

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  43. Great recs! Kelley Armstrong and David Sedaris are kick ass authors! I know someone already mentioned Laurell K. Hamilton's Anita Black series but she has another series called the Meredith Gentry series. It's about a modern day faerie princess and it's FULL of very steamy events lol. It can get a little bit weird sometimes but overall it's a good series!

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  44. @all and JJ - Thanks for the recs! I'm just about finished with the Sherilyn Kenyon Dark Hunter series (highly recommended) and before that I loved all of JR Ward's books, especially the Black Dagger Brotherhood. I also read fanfic like a fiend, but sometimes I just have to read a story in which the main characters aren't named Edward and Bella.

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  45. Great rec's JJ, just wanted to say that I absolutely love Kelley Armstrong, I've been reading her for years. I've also heard great things about David Sedaris, so I'm looking forward to checking his book out. A few others that I'd recommend that are also paranormal in nature are Karen Chance's Cassie Palmer and Dorina Basarab series', as well as Rachel Caine's Weather Warden and Outcast Season books.

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  46. David Sedaris is awesome!! Thanks for the other recs, too. I recommend people give Sherman Alexie's "Flight" a read. It's short and a fast read, but awesome. I have been reading "Outlander" by Diana Gabaldon, and now that I'm into the book I'm loving it. It's sort of time traveling fantasy with hot sex scenes. I'm really enjoying that the main character is older and more experienced than her lover so she essentially teaches him what to do. :P

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  47. @FreakyBella--Nick Hornby is one of my all-time favorite authors too! 'High Fidelity' being one of my absolute favorite books EVER. The movie was good but if any of you haven't read the book you must. I love all these recs. I feel like I am ready to step out to the Twi-universe a little and start reading something other than fanfic for a while. I think I need to or my family is going to have me committed.

    Oh and I second @Kitty_Elvis 's rec on Sherman Alexie...I haven't read the one she mentioned but "The Absolutely True Diary of a Part Time Indian" is great! No sexiness...just a great and funny read. His kids go to my kid's school. Every time I see him in the hallway at the school I get all fangirly. If I am like that with an author imagine what I would be like around Rob...yep, it ain't EVER going to happen.

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  48. @VitaminR. Yeah, before Twilight, basically all I read was Nick Hornby. "High Fidelity" is still probably my favorite book of all time. And "A Long Way Down" makes me laugh and cry every single time I read it. I met him once and got his autograph and turned all fan-girl on him. But it was worth it.

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  49. @Kitty Elvis - I can't believe I forgot to mention the Outlander series! Those are my very favorite books ever, aside from Twilight :)

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  50. @Twilove1 - Yay! I don't know anyone who has read the entire Outlander series, so I'm glad to know that I shouldn't be disappointed in the next books!

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  51. @ Kitty Elvis: ME, ME ME!!!! I've read the entire Outlander Series!! I'm a total hoser for those books!! Jamie is my other literary crush! I've got it bad for that big red Scot! There is a really active online community called Ladies of Lallybroch.

    http://www.voy.com/9270/

    Not nearly as much fun as our Twitarted brethren, but a neat group of people none the less.

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  52. @RugbyMom- The third Sleeping Beauty, AKA the last in the series ends on a very sweet note. Very. Sweet. I was so phallused out by the second book that I put the series down for YEARS only to be recently inspired by JJ to pick it back up...mostly because I wondered how it ended. You could read the recap and ten read the last 100 pages.

    Has anyone else read Dave Eggers- AHWOSG? I think it's funny but maybe I'm morbid....

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  53. @lindsey rae - um. yeah. you are not the only one who wanted to lick his underthigh.
    or his jaw.
    or his luscious pouty mouth.
    or suck his fingers.
    or or or OR OR ORRRR ARRRRGH...ungh.
    oops.
    now i need a cigarette. gah.

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  54. @Kitty Elvis and Toefunny - I've read the Outlander books several times & it was the Twilight books that broke the cycle for me. Yeah, I'm not obsessive at all. Kitty Elvis, you're going to love them! Jamie was my first literary crush :)

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  55. You could always read the Evernight trilogy (by Claudia Gray) about teen vampires who go to a boarding school and when you got to the second book, you could go into a frenzy while writing a blog post how the author plagarizes, stealing a line from Twilight.

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  56. "The Host" is always a good choice since it's not part of the Twilight saga, but still kinda reminds you of it. Also, it invovles no high school which is always a huge plus in my opinion.

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  57. Sadly I have no desire to go outside my Twi-realm. I did break to read Sookie Stackhouse but only because I watched True Blood S1/S2 back to back and got hooked. I can't believe how fucking obsessed I am with the Precious..it's hardcore ridiculous! I didn't crush as hard on Shaun Cassidy or Andy Gibb when I was in the thrush of oncoming hormones..WTF RPATTZ?! What Magical bullshit are you pulling?? It just occurred to me when the video finished that I was grinning at my screen like a complete moron..Like I haven't seen 5K other interviews of him..Gawd it's disturbing sometimes lol..and I agree that Eclipse better be fucktastic or I'll scream right in the theater when the credit roll. And I'm jealous of you bitches goin to Forks!! I was in Oregon last summer & coulda gone to Portland to troll all the spots from Twilight-but did I? No like the lazy bitch I was, I slept in everyday & did a whole lotta nothin. Forks was like a 7 hr drive so that wasn't really feasible..but I coulda seen Bella's house!! The Alley!! The dress shop!! Fuck Me I'm Twitarded :-(

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  58. @vampireswelove - no honey, that is NORMAL !!!

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  59. Sadly I have no desire to go outside my Twi-realm. I did break to read Sookie Stackhouse but only because I watched True Blood S1/S2 back to back and got hooked. I can't believe how fucking obsessed I am with the Precious..it's hardcore ridiculous! I didn't crush as hard on Shaun Cassidy or Andy Gibb when I was in the thrush of oncoming hormones..WTF RPATTZ?! What Magical bullshit are you pulling?? It just occurred to me when the video finished that I was grinning at my screen like a complete moron..Like I haven't seen 5K other interviews of him..Gawd it's disturbing sometimes lol..and I agree that Eclipse better be fucktastic or I'll scream right in the theater when the credit roll. And I'm jealous of you bitches goin to Forks!! I was in Oregon last summer & coulda gone to Portland to troll all the spots from Twilight-but did I? No like the lazy bitch I was, I slept in everyday & did a whole lotta nothin. Forks was like a 7 hr drive so that wasn't really feasible..but I coulda seen Bella's house!! The Alley!! The dress shop!! Fuck Me I'm Twitarded :-(

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  60. You could always read the Evernight trilogy (by Claudia Gray) about teen vampires who go to a boarding school and when you got to the second book, you could go into a frenzy while writing a blog post how the author plagarizes, stealing a line from Twilight.

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  61. David Sedaris is awesome!! Thanks for the other recs, too. I recommend people give Sherman Alexie's "Flight" a read. It's short and a fast read, but awesome. I have been reading "Outlander" by Diana Gabaldon, and now that I'm into the book I'm loving it. It's sort of time traveling fantasy with hot sex scenes. I'm really enjoying that the main character is older and more experienced than her lover so she essentially teaches him what to do. :P

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  62. I love David Sedaris. MY fav is "Dress Your Family in Corduroy and Denim." I just started reading the Sookie Stackhouse series. And it's entertaining. Nick Hornby is my fav author. You can never go wrong with anything by him. Recently I read "The Lovely Bones" and "Into the Wild" -- both really good reads.

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  63. I saw David Sedaris here in San Diego. I had never read any of his books, but had heard lots of things about him via a creative writing teacher that knew him personally.
    Anyhoo, my friend who happens to be a huge DS fan, invited me along. He is hysterical! Have you ever read "Holidays on Ice?"...it's a bunch of his typical short stories involving the holiday season. One involving a job he took as one of Santa's Elves in Times Square. Just picture it....FUNNY SHIT.

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