Sunday, June 27, 2010

Eclipse. Robert Pattinson. Fart Jokes. EW Has It All!

[Very minor spoiler alert... like microscopic but those of you who are pure as the driven snow may want to not read the interview parts - the tent scene is mentioned!]

If you're anything like me and you subscribe to Entertainment Weekly, Saturday is a very big day. The day you nearly tackle the mailman to get your grubby paws on the latest entertainment news. Some weeks it even arrives in my mailbox on Friday (which totally makes me think that my mail carrier is stealing it for a quick read before depositing it in the box on Saturday...hmmm...)

Hey, that's it? Where the FUCK is my Entertainment Weekly, you asstard??

My husband is such a good boy... he always tells me if someone good is on the cover. A few issues ago he said "your vampires are on your magazine." I squealed just a bit, but then realized it was the True Blood crew... *sigh*. Not that I don't love a nice True Blood cover but since I'm only a few episodes into Season 2, I try to stay away from Season 3 spoilers. Which is hard.

So imagine how massively disappointed I was when Mr. Latchkey Wife failed to tell me exactly who was on the cover this week! I located the fucking magazine under a pile of mail and lost my shit when I see Robward and Taycob getting all snuggly, snuggly on the cover. It makes me think someone out there is looking out for me because I got the boys on my cover!

But duuuuuude, who the fuck set up this photo shoot? Come ON!

KStew's cover was pretty hot too... I'm glad to see that gawd awful mullet has grown out. I had a mullet once... in 19-fucking-86 and seriously, that shit should just be outlawed.

Um, hi... I wish my hair looked all blowy 24-7!

I thought it was a very funny interview. I fucking laughed right out loud at a few parts - mostly shit Rob said because damn, that cat is funny! Here are some of my favorite highlights of the interview.

The interviewer asked Rob and Taylor about "some pretty serious confrontations in this movie."
Pattinson: Every single time we had to do a threatening thing to each other - for one thing, you always have your shirt off, and so in the tent scene I literally grabbed your breast. And it's very difficult to remain in the moment. Also, in that tent scene, I can't really get over the fact that the word thought sounds like fart.

Stewart: The word thought does not sound like fart.

Pattinson: It does.

Stewart: Maybe because you are an English person. [I love this, btw!]

Pattinson: The opening line of that scene is "Can you at least keep your farts to yourself?" I couldn't quite get over that.
And this is the sole reason I think RPattz is a huge closet Twitarded fan and actually may frequent Jenny Jerkface's infamous "poop in RPattz's trailer" post. And it makes me love him even more, if that's even humanly possible. I want to hear him say fart. You realize I'm going to bust the fuck out laughing during the movie when he says this, right? I hope no one minds...

A few questions later, the interviewer asks "Rob, what's the secret to not having to take your shirt off?"
Pattinson: Don't work out. I just kept telling everyone why I needed to take my shirt off in a scene, and everyone else had to think of reasons why I shouldn't. "No, I don't think so - Edward is much more chaste than that."
Stewart: "He is modest. He is much more modest."

Pattinson: Then I'd say, "No, seriously - I would like to wear a really tight tank top and have my belly come out of the bottom. And have some sweat on it, too."
Jeezus Mother Fucking Hamster Fucker [thanks Myg]!! Why isn't this guy doing some comedy?? He's fucking funny as all get out and funny gets you laid in my book. Yes Rob, that's an offer. A standing offer. It never expires. He seems to do a lot more joking around in recent interviews, which just goes to show that the more comfortable RPattz seems to get with these shindigs, the funnier he is...

While Kristen might have her arm around Taylor's neck, she's grabbing RPattz's ass which would explain the smile...

I won't ruin the rest of the interview for you, but trust me, it's very entertaining! I know it makes me barely able to focus on anything right now because I'm so fucking excited to see this movie I can't contain myself. So. Fucking. Excited! Even EW cover headline says it's "The Best Twilight Movie So Far! (Seriously)" and as far as I'm concerned, EW is my bible. I have very high hopes! With all the buzz out there, what are your feelings on Eclipse?

38 comments:

  1. OK so I've never been first before...

    I fucking CAN NOT WAIT to see this movie. 57 and a half hours away. Yes, I'm counting hours.

    Totally agree with LKW about the comedy - he's a bloody funny wee brit isn't he! And I for one will totally be thinking about 'farts' in the tent scene. Brilliant.

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  2. LKW, I'm thrilled to know that you love EW just as much as I do. :-D This interview was AMAZINGly funny - and I too will be guffawing out loud at the "Can you at least keep your farts to yourself" line!!!

    IT'S ALMOST HEEEEEEEEEEEEEERE

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  3. Can't. Fucking. Wait!!!!

    And I loved the interview too, and couldn't wait to read about it on Twitarded...cuz I knew someone would post about it cuz it was that good! Thanks LKW!!!

    I can't say it enough... I love that this blog exists. It feeds my sick soul.

    Love you twatwaffles TONS!

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  5. bahaha! I can't wait to get my dirty hands on this mag finally. I've been to 4 stores already and nothin!
    Rob and farts. You can't go wrong.

    btw, did you kick Mr.Latchkeys ass yet? what the hale was he thinking?!

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  6. Ok...so this is OFFICIALLY how closet Twitards will be ousted in public...
    If you are in the theater Tuesday night and someone besides yourself Laughs, Snickers or Guffaws at the first line of the tent seen...just scream TWITARD to find each other!! Give each other a bewbie grab, ass slap or what ever seems appropriate and get back to the movie!

    That silly Brit is one funny dude. His brain works so fast it's a riot!

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  8. LOVE Toefunny's point about outing Twitards in the cinema!

    Also echoing C.a.C's comments about this blog in general, feeding our sick souls.. yes indeedy. My heart leaps when I see a new post, cos I know the ladies of the castle are so in tune with my twisted little twitard brain.

    I'll be thinking of you all on Wednesday night.

    @HypoVag - so jealous that you already have the Remember Me DVD - doesn't come out here until mid-July and I am itching for some Rob commentary already.

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  9. motherfucking SQUEEEEE!!
    tent scene is my fave - so now it'll be even better with the fart-thought part. Cuz farts are always funny.

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  10. Aww he's so cute! We don't get EW here. Know what else we don't get? Eclipse!! Not till July 9th!!! WTF!!!! I think I just broke my exclamation key...

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  11. I'm always jealous of those lucky ducks who get to go to advanced screenings, so this time I don't have to be the jealous bitch, but I get to be the one whose seen it, LOVED IT, and I'm here to tell you it's fuckawesome AMAZING! I cannot wait to see it again. Thanks to Twilove1 we already have our Imax tix. And we're doing it up right with a triple twilight feature ending with Eclipse in Imax. I love the idea of sending out the coded signal to find other Twitards. Lol.

    Fkat

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  13. LKW, I really think your DH and my BF need to have a man-date/vamp-bash while you and I sit in the theater with our panties around our ankles and a couple flasks.

    I read the article and loved it. It showed us so much about how our lovely has grown, and how comfortable the trio has become. And so funny! I will be laughing my drunk ass off at "The Fart Scene." Can't wait for the dvd commentary and all of a sudden we hear "Pllbbbtt!! Excuse me."

    I am so over the moon for this flick!! And if I listen to the soundtrack one more time w/o headphones while The Bentist is home, I might be homeless. But I can always curl up with one of y'all, right?

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  14. I don't know if he's more comfortable, or just really, severely sleep deprived and lacking any mental filter whatsoever, either way I LOVE IT! Please Rob, never change. Thinking before you speak is highly overrated. Did anyone catch the "red" carpet interview gem when he was asked to explain Rpattz fever and he joked that people just needed to sleep with him to understand what all the fuss was about and implied that he'd slept with everyone at the premiere and that's why they got it?

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  15. @LKW - I agree with it all. It is a great interview indeed. I so love Rob's sense of humor.

    My copy of EW is stacked neatly next to my bed with all my other Twi/Rob related porn/mags. I, too, am a subscriber to EW...it is a fucking brilliant magazine in my opinion. Me, Mr. VitR, and my eldest daughter fight over it when it arrives every Friday...even though MY freaking name is on it. This time, however, I was sneaky and they haven't even gotten their paws on it yet. Oh and by the way, EW's review of 'Twilight' the book, back in 2007 is why I ended up jumping down this rabbit hole. True story.

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  16. @LKW - I agree with it all. It is a great interview indeed. I so love Rob's sense of humor.

    My copy of EW is stacked neatly next to my bed with all my other Twi/Rob related porn/mags. I, too, am a subscriber to EW...it is a fucking brilliant magazine in my opinion. Me, Mr. VitR, and my eldest daughter fight over it when it arrives every Friday...even though MY freaking name is on it. This time, however, I was sneaky and they haven't even gotten their paws on it yet. Oh and by the way, EW's review of 'Twilight' the book, back in 2007 is why I ended up jumping down this rabbit hole. True story.

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  17. Damn it, now I have to make a walmart run and by entertainment weekly.

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  18. Serious time just snorted coffee out of my nose laughing! And I have no doubt the Pattz frequents the poo post often. *thinks of excuse to leave work and pick up a copy of EW*

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  19. I loved the interview! They all seemed so relaxed and comfortable. I thought it was sweet that Kristen brought a homemade baked good, and I loved all the joking around (esp the fart joke, LMAO). I can't wait for this movie - I'm way more excited for this one than I was for the other two!

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  20. I really hope I find another Twitard at midnight Eclipse. If not I'll try again at the 7:30 showing Wednesday night. I am such a tard I already have tickets for twice on opening day.

    Did someone say "fart?"

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  21. my daughter & i are so fucking excited about eclipse that we can't fucking stand it!!! and i shall piss my pants laughing when he says the fart line. sweet baby jebus, i fucking love rob.

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  22. Thanks to you, I'll now be lauging my ass off during the "keep your farts to yourself" line during the movie. I'm beside myself with excitement about this movie!

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  23. HOLY CRAP I JUST WON TICKETS TO SEE ECLIPSE ~~TONIGHT~~, I fangirled out in my office and let out an unhumanly squee!

    AHHHHHHHH!!!

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  24. @ athena- I just fangirled out for you while reading that. Totally awesome!

    I also love that fact that Pattzy is a bit on the dorky side. He's is way to cute sometimes.

    I'm so freaggin excited about eclipse. My hubby actually bought us tickets to go see the entire saga in the theaters. Twilight, then New Moon and Eclipse at midnight. He's never seem them on the big screen and is actually fairly excited about it.

    I can't wait until tomorrow!

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  25. Agreed! I can't wait until Vitamin R and I are at the theater on Tuesday night laughing together at all of the inappropriate times. "Can you keep your farts to yourself!" LMAO!

    I got the Kristen cover in the mail. I didn't even know there was a Rob/Tay cover.

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  26. @lkw - I just KNEW I was going to get the KStew cover - and sure enough, there it was. On Friday which is when mine always arrives. (gloat)

    @Kitty Elvis - Since you got Kstew also, you think it is a West Coast thing? Or are they just depriving Seattle?

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  27. Testing, testing, is this thing on? Oh hai. I've been lurking here a long-ass time, and I mean loooong. And I've finally worked up the nerve to pop my comment cherry. I'm not even gonna try to bedazzle you with my witlessness. You guys are so hilarious, any attempt on my part would just be lame. Just wanted to say, I fucking love this blog. You're like, the cool kids. See? lame already (stop gushing, you fool)So, um, yeah. Fuck, I got nothing. Later bitches. See ya on the flip side (WTF?) Oh god, just kill me now. I guess it's true what they say, the first time always hurts. I'll try again tomorrow.

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  28. Eclipse is my fuckin fav book of the series and I hold out far greater hope for the movie than I did the first two.

    If the 5-star bullshit Summit promos on their TV spots bears any resemblance to the truth, it otta be at least very good if not 5-star.

    Can't wait to see Edward kick some serious butt and finally the dog gets his tail docked.

    Polly
    Boston

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  29. HaHaHa! I love reading/watching Rob interviews-He really is hilarious! I got some major eye-rolls from my husband whenever I read the EW interview. I totally cracked up in the two places you mentioned. I bet "farts" never sounded so good ;)

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  30. @ Refined Hoor...welcome & very nice first blog. You cracked my shit up!

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  31. Is it wrong that the cover automatically made me think about how hot it would be if Rob and Taylor kissed?

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  32. @LindsayRae, you know if the Bentist kicks you out you totes have a place on the Pimpy couch.

    And also, I totally forgot to mention that I puffy heart the Rob/Taylor cover. CUDDLE! CUDDLE, DAMN YOU!

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  33. Great! Now when he says that line in the tent scene Im gonna have to fight back a laugh. I wanna hear Rob say fart. Im lovin that cover. Seriously, it's sooooo hot!

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  34. Hi everyone! I absolutely love you guys and think you are pants peein hilarious! I think I have only commented on here once but Im on here all the time. Anywho, I am soooo freakin excited about Eclips tonight! Does anyone remember the Christmas Aunt Sue skit on SNL when Taylor was on? Well ya, Im Aunt Sue excited! "IM SO FREAKIN EXCITED"!!!

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  35. my daughter & i are so fucking excited about eclipse that we can't fucking stand it!!! and i shall piss my pants laughing when he says the fart line. sweet baby jebus, i fucking love rob.

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  36. Agreed! I can't wait until Vitamin R and I are at the theater on Tuesday night laughing together at all of the inappropriate times. "Can you keep your farts to yourself!" LMAO!

    I got the Kristen cover in the mail. I didn't even know there was a Rob/Tay cover.

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  37. I just listened to his commentary to Remember Me and thought he was really funny in that too. But he also says something pretty profound, especially for his age, about fictionalizing your suffering to keep from having to move on, and it was like, how strange, that this boy would say something in a way that slapped me upside the head with a message I'm expert at dodging. I could listen to him talk and sing and philosophize and joke all the live long day.

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  38. Ok...so this is OFFICIALLY how closet Twitards will be ousted in public...
    If you are in the theater Tuesday night and someone besides yourself Laughs, Snickers or Guffaws at the first line of the tent seen...just scream TWITARD to find each other!! Give each other a bewbie grab, ass slap or what ever seems appropriate and get back to the movie!

    That silly Brit is one funny dude. His brain works so fast it's a riot!

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