Wednesday, February 9, 2011

Vanity Fair Wants My Money

I know LatchkeyWife made RPattz appear not that long ago, but I need another fix. That was like a cruel tease. I can't even say that Bill Condon gave us just the tip. That was like a picture of the tip. Or a crude hand drawing of the tip. Maybe a shadow puppet of the tip even. The point is, I haven't had an RPattz photo hit in a while and it is fucking with my mojo. I think it's no coincidence that we are having the shittiest weather during this Precious drought. Even Mother Nature is saying "Send out the boy and no one gets hurt." I can't take it anymore.

I was on the verge of Hulking out yesterday when I read a rumor about a new Vanity Fair photo shoot. Someone e-mailed the news to me. I can't remember who because I blacked out and came to just a few minutes ago. Needless to say, my panties are on red alert and have lowered the flood doors. Do you remember the last Vanity Fair photo Pattinson spread? (That sounds like something that should go on toast. Mmmm. Pattinson spread.) Let's take a refresher course.

Take it off!!!! Shit. Sorry. The drought is getting to me.

Don't. Move. An. Inch. I'm not even creeped out by the hospital bed.

Change of venue, but still horizontal. Me likey.

Fuck. Me. Dead. How does the pinky ring make this pic a thousand times hotter? I don't know, but I'm willing to investigate.

Holy mother of phallic symbols. This pic is also the reason I spontaneously orgasm in front of the lobster tank in the grocery store. Damn you, Pavlov! Damn you to Hell!

Um...what? I blacked out again.

Rob, you're not wearing socks. You could get a fungal infection. Let's get you out of all of those clothes as a precaution. (My CDO knows no bounds.)

I know, Rob. I can't handle much more of your sexiness either.

I'm going to tape this to my front window and pretend he's leaving my house in the morning. Don't judge. You know you just thought about doing the same thing.

What is the only thing that could make another VF photo shoot better? Having Annie Leibovitz as the photographer. Good-bye forever, dry panties. I know about thismuch in regards to the photography world. What I do know is that Annie Leibovitz is mother trucking talented and I am a huge fan. The last several years her she's been on a fairy tale kick. I don't know how she does it, but her photographs look like ethereal paintings. It's really breathtaking.

One of her more famous pictures from years back is of John Lennon naked. Annie, I will be your personal slave if you get another Brit (whose name rhymes with Lobert Rattinson) out of his clothes on film. Please help a sister out during this drought. Not familiar with Ms. Leibovitz's work? Here's a sample.

Nicole Kidman on a horse. How the fuck did Annie get a horse to stare at the camera? I bow to her greatness.

I don't know who this model is, but I could stare at this picture all day. I also need this dress.

The first time I saw this photo I thought, "Holy shit! I would tap both their asses!" When I read the caption I realized it was those kids from that Disney high school movie. Annie Leibovitz made me lust after some Disney kids with her unbridled talent. And I think she also made me a pedophile with that thought. Thanks a heap, Annie.

What do you think the odds are of the Earth combusting (or should we say 'cumbusting') if Robert Pattinson's sexiness meets Annie Leibovitz's magic camera lens? I personally think only cockroaches in iron chastity belts will survive. It's a risk I'm willing to take. You better not be teasing us, Vanity Fair. I expect you to put out like a teen girl on prom night.


  1. Ha! I. Can. Not. Wait!

    Imma go order the shamwow now!

  2. Geez the Disney kids look amazing (who knew that was them?!) I don't know how Annie can make Rob look any hotter than the first VF, but I'm all for her trying! I think the film might melt though!

    And, re: the "sneaking out of MY house" photo...anybody ever hear that shoe size correlates with, well, um, the size of a certain precious body part? Oh the fantasies, the fantasies....SIGH

  3. YES, the VF shoot is probably one of my FAVORITES of Rob. Every single stinkin photo. And here here! I hope it's Annie that does it too!

  4. I literally laughed out loud at "cumbusting." I can't wait to see the new photos!

  5. hi tk - i didn't even notice the pinky ring from the VF shoot!!!

    bruce weber is a god.

    i hope this new VF shoot is true - can't wait to see what annie leibovitz comes out with.

  6. Annie Leibovitz + Rob could change the global economic outlook. Please let it be true....

    On anyone else a pinky ring would look pretentious and ridiculous...on him...totally fucking hot. Why is this? I feel like I could write a whole Dr. Seuss-like thesis on the mysteries of this man. **sigh**

  7. The VF shoot is definitely my fave ever. I think the only way to make something hotter than that would be to include Kellan & JBone. Ok, I think I need a moment now...

  8. I don't know how, but that last pic of Rob causes spontaneous orgasms & should come with a warning label & a shamwow. Doesnt matter how mant times I see it...*ded*

  9. NO. WAY. The different shots of him by the mirror are my faves & they've all been my background on/off, yet I've NEVER noticed the pinky ring till now!!! WTF is wrong with me!?

    *crossing my fingers* I hope this rumor is true. I'm afraid to say anything else or dwell on it and jinx it. I have major bad luck.

  10. I love it when Annie Leibovitz's photoshoots end up in VF or Vogue. I always clip them out and post them on my bedroom walls. Without a doubt I'm going to have to buy multiple copies of whatever issue Rob will be in just to plaster my dreary dorm room walls.

    Hey, don't hate on Vanessa Hudgens. I hate HSM as much as the next person, but the trailer for Sucker Punch is showing that she can play Little Miss Badass.

  11. Christ, I'm ready to line up for a copy NOW! Wait, make that 2 copies. Please, please be true!!!!!

  12. Annie Leibowitz didn't shoot those VF photos of Rob, Bruce Weber did so I bow down to his powers of photographing the pretty. I love natural he kept all those photographs...the light his face the wardrobe it's not over done or over photoshoped. And you know how we would all prefer Rob au natural ;)

  13. Oh gawd, that last picture of him does naughty things to me... it's a real go-to pic when you're feeling down.

    I really hope this is true and it happens soon... I can't wait to dry hump that issue.

    This is the worst Rob dry spell ever.... I need these photos to happen immediately!

  14. I never noticed the pinky ring before either. I think this is a testament to just how hot Robert Pattinson is. I can't even focus on anything else but his lusciousness.

  15. The pinky ring almost excites me as much as the glimpses of the wedding band we've gotten...

    I'd like to see if he's wearing a cock ring. I need to investigate.

  16. WOW!! I didn't even recognize those High School Musical Kids...FYI they are no longer kids. Zach Efron is fair game now. He's 23! MWUAH AH AH AH AH!! Just sayin'. I hope this Annie L does the photos. Her others all look beautiful. Two words of advice for her...Naked. Rob. 'Nuff said true?

  17. glablablabla... *incapable of coherent thought.* @red_bella, I hope you're going to have those new, er, products ready before these pictures are released. Twitardia is going to need them. Possibly double-layered.

    @TK... freaking hilarious post! The captions killed me. Please do a post like this with Robpics and captions once a week!

  18. Those pics melt me every time! I love the pinky ring. I noticed the 1st go round but I did not see the no socks.

    Anne & VF need to put a RUSH on those pics! And the extras too.

    I'm sure Rob made Anne a believer!

  19. One reason I loved the VF shoot was that Rob looked older, sexy and worldly - not a teen idol by a long shot. Maybe no 24-year-old wants to hear that, but this 'mature' woman feels better. Speaking of teen idols, Justin-fucking-Beiber is on the cover of Vanity Fair this month so they need to regain some cred in my book. Liebovitz is legendary - this will be amazing.

  20. Wow I had not heard of the possibility of Annie taking Rob's photos. I think that would be a match made in heaven. I hope it is true and I hope we get to see it all soon - I like you TK and I don't want you wasting away waiting through the drought.

  21. Um... am I allowed to say this here... (I'll whisper.. zac ephron uhngf!!! But minus that little disney girl). Anyhoo thanks for the Rob pics and you have another vote for Annie Leibowitz + Rob!!!

  22. Love this post TK!! We r in a major Rob drought and u made my day so much better by posting these hot VF pics!! The one of him by the mirror is my fave!! I'm with Latchkey Wife, can't wait to dry hump this issue!!! Whose leg do we need to hump to get Rob to stop all this ninja hiding? Love u twitarted girls!!

  23. Umm, Rob is a hot mess in that last photo, and I think he needs me to lick, er, clean him up. Repeatedly. My Gawd, he is fuck-hot. And the mirror/pinky ring-photo caused me to drool on myself and stutter uncontrollably until my husband started giving me strange looks. He's already touchy about my obsession with The Pretty, so I mustn't call attention to myself when undressing said Pretty with my eyes.
    Annie Liebovitz + Sex God=Hot Photo Shoot. Please , Annie Liebovitz, throw some desperate women a boner....I mean a bone...whatever.

  24. Fuckity fuck. I saw that there was gonna be another VF shoot, and I just Because I did exactly what y'all did. I fucking STARED at the last round until my insides couldn't take it anymore and I had to have something...inside me.

  25. Yeah, they want my money and they're sure as fuck gonna get it. *ded*

  26. Robert Pattinson is in it? *takes out wallet and hands it to the person holding the Robporn*

    I'll buy 3 copies and order a subscription, and that's just on my first shopping trip to the local drug store.

    You are hilarious TK. The end.


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