Friday, September 25, 2009

The Sweet, Sweet Music of Robert Pattinson

Oh, Jenny how COULD you!?

Originally I had some kind of witty little prologue/beginning/what-have-you to this post but fuck it. Let's just cut to the chase. I will admit that maybe I'm doing this because I have something to say that some of you might not like and I figure if I confess this quickly enough you won't put a bounty on my head. I call it the Band-Aid Theory. You know, rip that bitch off quick and it doesn't hurt as much. Er, something like that. Fuck, this is taking longer than I wanted.

Anyway. Here it is...

I was wrong about something. Shocking! I know!

I used to think Robert Pattinson was a terrible musician.

Oooh, Jenny Jerkface, she broke my heart... she thought my music was no better than a fart...

There. I said it. Hello? Helloooooo? Where did everyone go? Did Snarkier Than You's biggest fear that I will drive all of our readers away just come true? [note from STY: "I fucking knew it!!! You testicle wanker! Snot munch! 'Gina chunk!!!" this rant brought to you by "Creative Cursing"]

And my confession gets worse. I condemned poor, sexy, sultry RPattz's music after listening to only one song, that song being Never Think from the Twilight soundtrack. That's right, RPattz was written off my 'good musician' list after just one song [this has not stopped me from lusting after him like a fucking hound to a steak, just for the record]. Hey, I don't call myself Jerkface because I'm reasonable, ya know?

One of my first posts was a rant about the Twilight soundtrack and I expressed my views on his music there:
Rob Pattinson - Is this song gonna do something? Let's put it this way, if RPatt was strumming this song on a subway platform I might give him a quarter. But probably not.

Rob - Listen, you did an acceptable job as Edward. And you're good looking, even though I feel kind of dirty admitting that since I'm, oh, ten years older than you, give or take a few years. But with age comes wisdom and I'd like to impart some on you - focus on one career or the other because you're not good enough at acting or singing to do both.

Yup. I'm a jerk. A big flaming pile of poo. Oh well. I yam what I yam.

When I draw a conclusion about someone or something I am like judge, jury and executioner all wrapped up in one and if you're condemned, you're fucking straight up screwed. There is no mistrial or parole hearing. If I think you suck, you suck and that's that.

Until today, that is.

I was sitting in my dreadful little cube at work, drudging away at spreadsheets and budgets and idly listening to my iPod when Robert Pattinson's Never Think song comes on. Out of habit, I reach over to skip it but... something stops me. I keep listening.

And holy shit, I like it. It's so haunting and sad and lovely all at the same time. It's so emotional and raw that I actually start to feel sappy and that's definitely NOT me. I don't do sappy.

I shoot STY an email:

To: SnarkierThanYou
From: Jenny Jerkface
Subject: Huh

Dude, just listened to RPattz song. I think it's really good. Crap.

I hate when I prove myself wrong. It's like punching myself in the tit. Sucks.

Naturally, when I finally shuffle up to Planet Earth every once in awhile and discover something a gazillion years after you all have, I feel the urge to share. Just in case there is some other Twitard out there, wandering lost and alone, without the haunting melodies of Robert Pattinson.

This just makes me want to hump his leg even more, by the way. A lot more. I don't think he's human anymore - I keep waiting for John Connor to show up at my doorstep and tell me he has a message from me. From the future.


  1. I have a confession... when I first saw the movie and "Never Think" came on during that scene... I thought it was John Mayer!
    I wonder if he could rock a bass - there's strumming and then there's plucking - you know what I'm talking about, ladies ;)
    - Lorabell

  2. He can strum that there gi'tar. I just wish he would enunciate at least just a tiny bit more. What's fun about trying to decipher mumbles?

    Yea, I know he's British but there are a lot of British artists who completely loose their accents when singing... so yea

  3. Oh Jenny Jerkface...I'll just fucking admit it...I love you. And you too Snarkier than You... you fucking too!

    Once take the words right out of my demented thirty-something year old mind.

    How do you do it????

  4. Aw JJ...I don't know nuthin bout what does or does not make good music, so I really didn't pay much attention to the naysayers (there were a lot of you) who thought RP was a bad musician. All I know is there's something about his music that reaches down deep and touches every part of me. It's completely intoxicating. Of course I listened to it in the first place only because it was Twilight, but I was immediately smitten. It's so ridiculous. I'm with you on the whole 'he can't be human' thing.

  5. I actually heard his music before I even had a clue who/what Edward Cullen/Twilght was.
    I was on some music blog last Nov, someone mentioned -the guy who plays Edward Cullen covered a Van Morrison song. Go check out this myspace page- Being the Van fan that I am/I love I'll Be Your Lover Too like it's my child, I went to heckle and scoff..well that didn't happen. I swooned and my cold little heart melted just a wee bit.
    This little story is what led me to watch "Twilight" (which I thought was kinda dumb) To which my sister said "Oh No! READ THE BOOKS" (then it all made sense) And here I'm today, super Twitarded with Never Think as one of the most played songs in my itunes.

    Did you see his Celebrity iTunes playlist? Umm yeah it's kinda hot... in the iwannahumpyourleg after I listen to it way

  6. Lol- he said something about the mumbling once. He was talking about writing Stray Dog and said something like he writes a few lines and just mumbles the rest so you can interpret it how you want. Something like that. I like knowing what the words are. (had to look them up) so I can get the sentiment of the lyrics, but I also like hearing him moan through his songs. It's downright sexy!

    W/V: Redlep. I got red lips from kissin all night long.

  7. have you seeeeeeeeen the 'i was broken' vid? i feel like a skeeze watching it b/c it's totally non-consensual video-ing. but jesus it gets me hot. he gets all into it. and then i get all into him. and...ahhhhhh.

  8. I don't hate Rob's music. I actually think he's quite talented but I have to be in the mood to listen to it. I have to admit, I'm often not and skip it if I'm listening to the soundtrack. And, um. I couldn't even begin to fucking know what he's singing about. Can't understand. My husband actually likes his music. I think because it sometimes sounds like the blues.

  9. @green goldfish - haven't seen it but we're intrigued! will def check it out!

    @track 10 - haven't seen that either put it's on the list! curious now...

    @lorabell/his crooked smiles - um, i thought it was eddie vedder the first time i heard it - lol!!

  10. @SharonMacross - what IS that, anyway? where people have no accents when then sing but then have MAJOR accents when they speak??? I've never understood that. AT ALL.

  11. Personally, I agree with Jenny's original rant. Rob did a decent job at playing Edward, but I'm not a fan of his acting or his signing really. I've listened to a few of his songs because, hey. Robert Pattinson. Singing. I was heavily disappointed. =@ But were I in the mood to listen to something ridiculously slow and depressing sounding, sure I'd pull up some Robby and be sad and confused at the same time.

  12. Well "Never Think" took some ime to grow on me, and now I agree JJ, it's sad and a little haunting but in a good way. The only songs of his that I know are the two on the soundtrack. But here's my beef, neither of them follow the classic song writing format- verse, chorus, verse,chorus, bridge, chorus. So, to me they are more like poems set to music. And really, "Let me sign" is only kinda half a song. DH was like "where is the rest of it?" LOL.
    I liked watching those vidoes though, I was all like "oh, that's what he says?!"

  13. JJ i think you were hittin the crazy pills before ........ cuz RPattz singing voice is sexy as fuck... i melt when i hear lie i got like 6 or 7 of his songs downloaded, and play them LOUDLY cuz i just love his voice.....

    ..... ::sighs:: just another reason to love him.....

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  15. Jenny Jenny Jenny - I simply cannot believe it took you so long to succumb to the ovary tingling goodness that is RPatts voice.

    But I AM glad you have sen the light..

    John Connor - PMSL - Lets hope he never comes a knocking..

    I will admit that while watching Twilight or the first time (yes, I saw the movie first - and strangely, was still compelled to pick up the book..) I LOVED both tracks instantly. Of course finding out that his Britishness sung them only cemented my feelings..and they remain high on my 'recently played' playlist on my iPod..oh Rob....*sigh*

    Abigail - Let me Sign (personal fav BTW) - is actually much much longer in its original form (can be found on You Tube) but who knows why the hell they only recorded such a short part of it for the s/t?? Asshats.

  16. As I have posted here before, Rob's music is what pushed me over the edge into Robsession. Green goldfish, "I Was Broken" is my favorite, too. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't find myself singing it or humming it. Well, at least the parts I can understand :)

    JJ, I listen to Rob Radio at every single day! She's done an awesome job with that site. You have to listen to all of the tracks she has on the site. In Adorkable Rob fashion, you can hear him start over, laugh at a missed note, etc. It's so beautiful and raw.

    Maybe now you can understand why I'm so bummed that he won't have a contribution on the New Moon soundtrack :(

    What I wouldn't give for him to record an album!!!

    At any rate, welcome to the club :)


  17. Admittedly, I wasn't sure I liked his voice when I first heard him either but then one day, a while back, I listened to all his songs on a playlist over and over on some website while alone in my house (very rare opportunity) and he grew on me....grew on me to the point where I was singing along. Perhaps there was a wee bit of me really WANTING to like his voice because I heart him so but it really did grow on me. I think it was the "I Was Broken" song that really won me over--love it!

    I think also reading so much about what his taste in music is and his musical influences has also made me love him all the more. I freaking bought his friend Johnny Flynn's album "A Larum" because he told me to in some Amazon interview...and I like actually stayed in my car CD player for months. I also felt a little better about it when my trusty local alternative radio station started playing Johnny Flynn as well. I wasn't sure how I was going to explain to the husband that I bought a CD because RPattz told me to.

    Like I have said--he is the full package deal hence why we love him so I think. Glad he won you over JJ--it doesn't make the lust any easier now does it?

  18. Have loved that voice since the first time I heard him. I'll be your lover can soak my panties faster than the most recent update of CW&IA!!! Glad you have finally come around! Now you can appreciate all things Rob!!! :)

  19. When I saw Twilight I wondered who was the guy singing those two songs at the restaurant scene and the almost death scene, and when I found out it was him, I looked for more of his music, found "I was broken" vid on youtube and for some strange reason he made me remember one of my favorite musicians, Jeff Buckley; it was because of the feeling he puts into it, just like Jeff did, and that is rare, not many musicians can do that.

    Not everything in singing and music is about the right enunciation or hitting the right note with the voice, and he is not so off anyway; but he gets carried away with the feeling and I think that is a very artistic quality.

    To me he is not the perfect actor or musician, but he puts full passion into it, something that can be sensed by the viewer and prefer that compared to the best technique.

  20. Eh, not a huge fan of his songs in Twilight - I just don't really like that whole mumbly Rob Thomas thing (I usually like sweet clear male voices like Matt Bellamy). The ONE song where I changed my mind about Rob though was the I was Broken vid on youtube. That song goes round and round in my head, and when you've got the visual to go with it - oh my god. rob singing with such raw passion, like his heart is breaking, and he's got his full cum-face on, shaking his fringe about, and strumming that guitar.... it gives you the same feelings you might have if Rob was to grab you by the hips and screw you ferociously up against a wall (I can only imagine).

    One song I can imagine him covering really well would be Song to the Siren (Tim Buckley, covered in the 80s by This Mortal Coil).

  21. @ Boxergirl Sydney, pmsl at the 'ovary tingling goodness' description, fab!

    I agree, I got the soundtrack when I had already succumbed to the unconditionally & irrevocably stuff and was gutted when I heard Never Think because I hated the mumbling so much, have to say now it's one of my faves, I've even put it on my phone as my ringtone, which is a bummer for anyone who rings me because they have to wait forever for me to answer while I listen to it muhahahahaa! I also discovered (by accident of course ;o)) that if I play it and hold the phone up to just one ear and close my eyes, that it sounds like he's singing right in my ear, I tell you, that does all kind of weird things to me and if I were ever to find myself alone with Rob I think that song's all the foreplay I would ever need!

    Oh, and I think those Never Think lyrics are wrong, the first lines quite blatantly say 'Never Think, What's in your horn', not heart, I swear that man does it on purpose *fans self all flustered*

  22. JJ, I think all that cold medicine you took this week has done something to your brain!! Did you just refer to yourself as sappy? OK, now I'm scared.

    I agree, hearing him sing and play... makes me hate him for making me want him so much!

  23. I listen to music all the time - I've worn out multiple sets of earbuds and I think my iPod is now an official appendage - but I have a bad habit of actually LISTENING listening, you know? I've been all about Rob's songs because of the sexy voice, but never tried to decipher the lyrics. Never Think is so heartbreaking! I hurt a little listening to it. But then I heard him laugh a minute or so in to I'll Be You Lover Too and now I'm not so sad.

    Off to check out and you tube!

  24. I discovered Rob's singing voice by accident after watching the movie and then being told he sang the track I loved. ..."let me sign". It haunted me when I first watched the movie, despite the mumbling. I WISH they had recorded the whole BLOODY song!!
    I prefer Sam's version of Never think/too far gone. His voice was made for that song imo.
    I'll be you lover too,I love the crooning..record an album Rob!!

    Have a great day ladies.

  25. Why is it that all of the videos are always disabled for me? =/ Seems like everyone else can listen to them. ;.;

  26. I admit, I didn´t like his music either in the beginning, but Let me Sigh is really so perfect for the scene in Twilight and after a few times seeing it (well I don´t count anymore, 8,9 10 more? no clue) I suddenly love it. And I´m with Honolulu Girl: I need to be in the mood for his music.

    And I didn´t know I´ll be your lover, too. Does that makes me a bad Fan? But I truly love him ??

  27. I have to admit that I don't mind "Never Think" now that I know the lyrics. Still don't like the other stuff much. That vibrato (not vibrator, JJ ;o) in his voice is kinda irritating. He puts lots of feeling into when he sings but I just can't get into that, especially with the vibrato (not vibrator, JJ) and the poor diction. I'll just continue to obsessively follow his move (in a non-stalker way) and drool over his photos.

    That is all. You may now return to your regularly scheduled programming.

  28. JJ - I hate admitting I'm wrong too (luckily it doesn't happen too often) so kudos to you for the public admission.

    I didn't even notice there was a song in the background of the restaurant scene because Hello! Rob was busy saying he didn't have the strength to stay away from me – or Bella – any longer. But I loved Let Me Sign and fell harder for Rob when I found out it was him. Then I discovered that YouTube wasn't just for people to make stupid home videos public - thank God for bootleg recordings until that man finally unleashes that sex voice on a CD and melts panties worldwide. Ooohhh, maybe that's why he won't...

  29. I want you to imagine me reading this an overdressed Southern Baptist women with ample breasts perched in the first pew at the Morning Star - Light of the Living Word church. I've got my palms in the air, praising your word..."Say it, UH huh...YES....AMEN!"

    This same progression from painful disdain to "maybe it's not so bad" to unadulterated adoration also happened in my brain as it pertains to Rob's music.

    Never Think used to feel like sandpaper on my delicate musical sensibilities. Let Me Sign felt like fingernails in my eardrums. But then, something happened to me. I took the songs OUT of the context of the movie, dissected the lyrics and notes and fell head over heels in love.

    And damnit if the visual of him holding that guitar and strumming it with those magical fingers didn't massage the dislike right out of me.

    Mama Cougar

  30. @Mama Cougar - LOVE Your Billy Burke tribute! I'm totally adding you to my list of blogs to follow! =}}}

    I agree with you both too - Billy Burke steels every scene in Twilight and I love his "I don't give an F" personality!!

  31. Well, I'm probably going to collect a few Mouse haters, but my favorite part of "Never Think" is the awesome guitar work before Rob even starts singing. There are parts where his voice sounds absolutely lovely, but, and this is enough to ruin the song for me, there are also parts where it sounds like he needs to clean out his nasal passages. Need a little saline rinse, Rob? I don't skip over it on me iPod, but I will use the four minutes to take one ear out if I have talk to someone. Unlike if "Super Massive Whack-a-Mole" is playing, I get downright angry if there is an interruption of any kind.

  32. So, I've been listening to RPattz sing all morning (much to ML's chagrin - he refers to his music as 'white dude sorority rock) and I still like it.

    His voice actually reminds me a little of Eddie Vedder's too, STY!! LOL!

    I think it was the lyrics that got to me. I'm a sucker for lyrics (thus 15 Step) and I pretty much live with my iPod affixed to my person.

    I will definitely check out the links you folks sent! Thanks! For now, I'm going to keep listening to RPattz until I hate him again or ML physically drags me away from the computer, lol.

  33. You should listen to "I Was Broken". It's the perfect song for Edward in New Moon.

    I remember that post from so long ago too! When I read that, I was like, "Bitch is crazy." but, since I love y'all, I moved past it lol.

    I'm glad you have seen the light!

  34. My Stephen Wright~ism of the Day: Do Brits think we have an accent or do they know they do?

    AND....::holding up a trembling hand::....I'll be your Twitard.

    Going to have to re-listen to r RPattz 'cause I really would love to love him in EVERY way possible.

    Fuck. Time for another shower.

    (Bahahahaha ... 'flasc' is my word)

  35. It took a while for Never Think to grow on me. I'm not a huge fan of mumbly singers, ask Sister Banshee. She's been trying to get me to like Pearl Jam for years but Eddie Vedder annoys the hell out of me.

    But Rob's a pretty good guitarist, and that'll do it for me every time, because I'm a total guitar whore. If a guy is at all good-looking and can play a guitar, I'm there. Just think about what else those fingers could do... And Rob plays piano too!!! Fucking score!!! So now, when I hear Never Think, I can just imagine Rob's magic fingers all over me... What's not to love?

  36. Um, I might be wrong, but wasn't this something he just recorded with some friends? I don't think he ever intended it to be released to the general public. He's not a terrible musician, but he's not a great one either. If I was in high school, and my boyfriend was sitting with his guitar singing this to me, I would be died. But I'm not, and he's not, and the song doesn't really belong on an actual cd. Just my humble opinion. (He's still really cute, and if Rob wants to come sing to me, I'll let him.)

  37. Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!
    Daddy Banshee plays guitar and piano too and I've just been assaulted by a fuckload of mental images that I never ever wanted to fucking see! Where's that fucking bleach for my mind's eye?! Or just my real eyes! Just make it fucking stop! *beats head against wall*

  38. @Gwen - i have steven wright on vinyl. er, or i used to... who even knows what happened to that stuff but wow he's funny and it holds up!

  39. "white dude sorority rock" haha!! OK, I demand an apology from ML... and wtf IS that anyway?! dude's makin' shit up now - i don't like it...

    : )

  40. @ Z Any Mouse:

    "Unlike if "Super Massive Whack-a-Mole" is playing, "

    Best laugh of the day - thank you!

    I usually don't like mumbly songs but it works and I love all of it. Thank you for the videos in your post, much easier than searching for them online : )

  41. @Gwen @STY--The Steven Wright mention really does show our age I think. I loved that guy (is he still around?)--I even took my dad to see his stand up act for his birthday once a way long time ago. Steven Wright and Latka from Taxi (one of the best shows of all time IMO)--I know I am with my least with peeps my age. ;-)

  42. JJ-

    I admit too that at first Never Think was my least favorite song on the Twilight Soundtrack. It has grown on me over time. Now every time I hear Rob singing, I think about those beautiful words coming out of his mouth and how I could give his mouth someting else to do. Also when I hear his fingers strumming the music I think about what his fingers could do to me.

    Love that song now. LOL

  43. He had me with Never Think
    the first time I heard it.
    Now, my car is nothing more
    than a sad excuse for a CD
    player with Never Think on
    replay. I never get tired
    of him and he never quits

  44. oh JJ, rob got me before i even knew it was him singing in the movie, let me sign was sublime in the movie and i didn't know who was singing, when i found out it was him. what else can a girls ask??? he CAN sing, play guitar, act, is humble, kind of shy and amazingly HAAWT as hell, aand has a delirium accent. total crush. anyhoo, he got even more when i listened to i was broken...he sings it with such a tremendous melts my heart and drops my panties instantanously.

  45. I wasn't too sure if I liked Rob's voice at first (same with Kings of Leon). But after many listens both have slowly grown on me. So now will you music snobs give Linkin Park a fair shake? I don't understand the hate LOL! No matter what your musical tastes, I still love you crazy twitarded bitches :-)

  46. After forcing my self to listen over and over and really hoping I would change my mind....nope. Still don't like it. While I admire Rob's musicianship, his voice still makes me want to hurl.

    Sorry Rob. I still want to bang you tho.

  47. me, my Costco cart filled with giant boxes of tampons, protein shakes (couldn't they make these Robward flavored? but I digress...) and organic vanilla milk boxes listening to my iPod, Never Think comes on, I'm happy as a vamp in a blood bank. It's early so the store is quiet and I'm treated to the sweet sounds of Rob in a way I've never quite heard before...I actually had to stop the cart so as not to run anyone over in my distraction at the sound of his voice, singing to me (okay, humor me, it WAS my iPod). Good lord

  48. Jenny! I am slowly making my way from previous posts to the present (it's so hard to get current when you post these sexy vids of RPattz and awesome Twi-links that distract me for hours!) and when I first read your critique of the Twilight soundtrack and Rob's song, I was so upset! His song is the only reason I bought the soundtrack in the first place. What a relief it is to know that you have changed your mind! If DH ever gets completely fed up with my Twilight/Robward obsession and I have to find a new hubby to take his place, these 3 criteria must be met: 1) He must have an adorable accent-Preferably British. 2) He must have the jaw, lips, eyes, HAIR, etc. 3) He must be able to sing, and play the guitar AND the piano. *Sigh* I'm in love.

  49. hehe it's me - from the future erm well the future from this post. Still going through the archives and when I read the post about the twi soundtrack back in 1 of your posts I remember thinking "haaa u will so change ur mind - u just will!" and I was right. thank God for that.
    I think I was 1 of very few ppl who liked his music first time I listened to it - b4 I even knew it was him I remember being very moved by Let Me Sign.
    But my bff/my soul mate/ my other (platonic!) half thought it was awful first time she heard it too so you're deff not alone. She also changed her tune, found all his songs illegally online, downloaded them and listens to them constantly.

  50. Jenny! I am slowly making my way from previous posts to the present (it's so hard to get current when you post these sexy vids of RPattz and awesome Twi-links that distract me for hours!) and when I first read your critique of the Twilight soundtrack and Rob's song, I was so upset! His song is the only reason I bought the soundtrack in the first place. What a relief it is to know that you have changed your mind! If DH ever gets completely fed up with my Twilight/Robward obsession and I have to find a new hubby to take his place, these 3 criteria must be met: 1) He must have an adorable accent-Preferably British. 2) He must have the jaw, lips, eyes, HAIR, etc. 3) He must be able to sing, and play the guitar AND the piano. *Sigh* I'm in love.

  51. oh JJ, rob got me before i even knew it was him singing in the movie, let me sign was sublime in the movie and i didn't know who was singing, when i found out it was him. what else can a girls ask??? he CAN sing, play guitar, act, is humble, kind of shy and amazingly HAAWT as hell, aand has a delirium accent. total crush. anyhoo, he got even more when i listened to i was broken...he sings it with such a tremendous melts my heart and drops my panties instantanously.


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