Monday, November 9, 2009

15 Step - Chapter 9 - Lightsabre Cocksucking Blues

Oh hai, Jerkface here. Not my characters but I'm warping them anyway. Please feel free to leave comments (good or bad). Obviously, 18+ visitors only. And thanks STY, you rule. As always.

Chapter 9 – Lightsabre Cocksucking Blues

“What time does the band start tomorrow?” Edward’s voice faded through the phone for a moment before it came back, loud and strong.

“You don’t have to go, you know,” I replied as I rolled over on my bed and reached over for my laptop.

“That wasn’t an answer to my question.”

I sighed and pulled up the link to the band website. I still wasn’t sure I even wanted Edward there. I was used to going to shows alone and didn’t feel like sharing the experience with anyone. “Doors open at seven. They’re headlining and there are three bands so… ten, I guess?”

“So I’ll pick you up at five and we can get dinner beforehand.”

It wasn’t a question. “Okay, that’s fine.”

“You okay?” Edward’s tone was concerned and I sighed softly again, being careful not to let him hear. He’d been asking me if I was okay for three whole days and it was starting to get irritating. I knew he wanted to know what Charlie and I talked about the day Renee had called, but I couldn’t tell him. It was too personal, too private.

“I’m fine,” I replied, rolling my eyes and trying to keep the exasperation out of my voice. “Honest.”

“I wish I could see you tonight,” Edward replied. “But I promised Emmett and Jasper I would hang out.”

“I’ll see you tomorrow,” I told him. Then I grinned as I realized something. “Hey, Edward,” I said in a singsong voice.


“Maybe you should come over a little earlier tomorrow.”

“Oh?” Edward’s voice became lilting also. “Now, why is that Bella?”

“Well,” I began, biting my lip, my insides quivering even as I spoke. “Charlie’s working a shift at the station tomorrow and I’ll be alone all day. I thought maybe you could keep me company." Cold light/hot night/be my heater/be my lover/so we can do it to each other…

I could have sworn Edward gave a small growl as he answered, “I’ll be there at noon.”


“Oh, I promise,” he replied. I laughed as we said good night and signed off. Carelessly, I tossed the phone onto my bed and reached over for my iPod when there was a knock at my door. My heart dropped to my knees.

“Hello?” I called out, panicked. What if Charlie had been at my door, listening?

“It’s Friday night, Bells,” he said through the door. “Aren’t you going out?”

“Nah,” I replied, pushing myself up from my bed and opening the door. Charlie was standing there, his arms at his sides, looking awkward as always. It was almost endearing. “I’m going to Port Angeles tomorrow so I figured I’d stay in tonight.”

Charlie frowned and the gesture reminded me of Edward a little. “Port Angeles? What for?”

“I’m going to see a band.” I twisted the wire of my headphones absently around my finger and wondered why Charlie was suddenly so interested in what I was up to. Part of me was touched but another part of me was concerned he would forbid me to go and then we’d have to fight all over again because there was nothing that was going to keep me from seeing that band.

“Oh.” Charlie looked a little lost as our conversation trailed off. He eyed my iPod. “You have their music in there?”

I nodded, furrowing my brow. “Uh huh.”

“I’d like to listen to them.”

Laughter bubbled from my lips before I could choke it back. “I’m pretty sure they aren’t your style, Charlie.”

Charlie looked a little rueful. “Yeah, probably not, I guess. What are they? Rap? Britney Spears?”

I snorted derisively. “Nope. Not even close. They’re-- hey Charlie,” I interrupted myself. “What kind of music do you listen to?” I suddenly realized that I had never heard Charlie listen to anything other than the television. I tried to remember if there was even a stereo in the living room.

“Nothing, really. I guess I just never got into the habit.” He looked thoughtful and it gave me an idea. I turned quickly and snatched my laptop off my desk as Charlie watched me, his expression confused.

“C’mon,” I told him firmly, “You’re about to get schooled in music. I think I’ll start you out with some of the older stuff. That might be more up your alley. You know, like Johnny Cash, Kris Kristofferson. I think you’ll like that. Oh, and definitely Tom Waits. Maybe Leonard Cohen, too.” I was talking rapidly as I skirted around Charlie and headed down the stairs. His heavy footsteps followed me as I continued. “Have you ever heard of Leonard Cohen? He doesn’t really sing – it’s more like poetry put to music - but his lyrics are amazing. Totally haunting. And…” I paused when I caught Charlie staring at me with a peculiar expression. “What?”

“I have never heard you talk so much before,” he told me softly.

“Oh. Sorry.”

“Don’t be,” Charlie said quickly. “Let me just grab a beer and we’ll sit down.”

“Can you get me one, too?” I yelled half-jokingly as he disappeared around the corner.

“Over my dead body, kid,” he hollered back.

“Can’t blame me for trying!”

“Don’t forget I have a breathalyzer in the cruiser!”

Well, fuck. That never actually even crossed my mind. Regardless, that wasn’t exactly relevant to my plan to filch a few brews once Charlie went to bed later on.

We sat around for a while and I played him various songs from my iPod. He frowned at a lot of them, grimacing when a singer would spew a string of expletives, and it soon became clear to me that Charlie’s love was sports or fishing and not heavy metal or punk. To my surprise and delight, Charlie actually loved Tom Waits and I promised to make a CD for him to bring to work before moving on to another band.

“How can you even understand a word they are saying?” he asked over the guttural screaming of a hardcore band. “It sounds like he’s in pain.”

“Well,” I admitted, “I actually had to look up the lyrics to this one. But I like the fast guitar riffs and the double bass drum. It’s pretty cool that a bunch of people can come up with this shit, ya know? And make it sound good? I mean, the lyrics are really angry and dark and violent. It’s like I can feel his rage when I listen to it. And when you listen to them live it’s even more insane. It’s like the bass drum is trying to compete with your own heartbeat or something. It’s inside of you. That’s why I like to listen to it when I’m all pissed off.” I shrugged and spun the dial on my iPod. “It’s like they understand how I feel, I guess.”

“I can see that,” Charlie murmured, his mustache turning up into a small smile. He glanced up at the clock. “Damn, kid, I got to hit the sack. It’s past my bedtime.”

“All right, Charlie.” I grinned at him. “Have a good night.”

“You too, Bells.” Charlie grinned back, his dark eyes twinkling. “Hey, I had a good time tonight. Maybe we can do this again?”

“Sure thing, Charlie,” I told him. “Do you like death metal?”

Charlie rolled his eyes and stood. “Be good, kid.”

“Will do,” I chirped. Charlie sighed and headed upstairs. I listened from the couch as he performed his nightly ablutions and, when the noise finally died down I tiptoed my way into the kitchen and snatched a couple of Rainiers.

I snuck upstairs as quietly as could, holding my laptop to shield the cans from Charlie just in case he decided to poke his head out of his bedroom door. Once safely nestled in my bedroom I popped the top and sank into my computer chair. My cell phone gave a muffled beep from my bed.

I couldn’t help but grin as I saw the alert for a new text message. It could only be one person.

What are you doing?

I sighed and wrote back, you’re a nosy motherfucker.
The cell snapped closed and I opened my laptop. The homepage was still loading up when my cell phone beeped again.

You’re up to no good, aren’t you?

Laughing, I punched in another message. Of course. I have a reputation to keep.

I took another swig of beer and nearly choked on it as an idea came to me. Grabbing the phone, I turned on the camera, held the can up to my face and snapped a picture. Then I forwarded it to Edward. Now a lady can’t do nothin’/ without folks’ tongues waggin’/ Is this blood on the tree/ or is it Autumn’s red blaze/ When the ground’s soft for diggin’/ and the rain will bring all this gloom/ There’s nothing wrong with a lady/ drinkin’ alone in her room…

Another beep and I giggled, reading the message.

Underage drinking is illegal. I’ll have to punish you for that tomorrow.

My fingers flew across the keypad. I’d like to see you try.

Are you challenging me?


Silly Bella. You really shouldn’t have done that. Good night.

An excited shiver tickled down my spine at Edward’s threat. There was something thrilling about knowing Edward had a dark streak in him.

I woke early on Saturday, excitement bubbling through me, and I couldn’t decide what I was looking forward to more, the band or spending a few hours alone with Edward. It was a tough call. Singing softly to myself, I made a cup of coffee and headed to my bedroom. I tidied it up, making sure there wasn’t any dirty underwear lying around where Edward might find them before I made my way to the bathroom to clean myself up for Edward’s arrival.

By the time I was done taking care of everything, I had about an hour to kill. I plugged my iPod into my laptop and adjusted the speakers, making them as loud as possible without distorting the sound and set it on the kitchen table. I sang along loudly as I cleaned up the kitchen, dancing to the country twang that blared from the tiny speakers.

Huff paint, cocaine, playin’ chicken with a train Smack dab, Meth lab, mellow out, rehab Percocet, cigarette, I don't need no more of that just gimmie some down home Dixie fried homegrown Alabama high test...

I put away a couple of mugs and slammed the cabinet shut, rocking my hips, my voice competing with the singer, sounding loud over the whine of the fiddle.

Drug bust, disgust, plead with the circuit judge "Son don’t be coy, send you up the river Boy" Jump suit, chain gang, shackles on my feet and hands Standin’ on I-65 wishin’ I was rolling by with Alabama high test…

I spun around so quickly my hair whipped against my face and grabbed the broom that was resting against the wall, sweeping in time to the bass drum, as I imagined a man stuck on a chain gang, looking wistfully at the cars that were speeding by.

A dark shadow crossed the threshold of the kitchen and I froze, gripping the broom tightly for a moment before I leaned over and turned off the music.

“Hello?” I called. I heard nothing but my own increasingly panicky breaths.



I lifted the broom slightly and held it out in front me, hoping to use it as a weapon if I needed to. I was afraid to turn my back on the hallway to grab a knife.

“Listen, fucker,” I said loudly, my voice shaky, “I’m standing in a kitchen with a shitload of knives. If there is anyone out there, they’re going to get a big ass butcher knife right in the heart.”


Carefully, as quietly as I could, I crept forward. The hallway was empty and the front door was shut. My breathing returned to normal and I scolded myself for being such a scaredy-cat. Forks was making me soft.

Then I saw another blur out of the corner of my eye. Before I could even react, strong, muscular arms wrapped around me, trapping me in an iron grip and the broom clattered to the ground, useless, as I let out an ear-shattering scream. My hair was everywhere, in my face, blinding me and I was just gearing up to deliver a sharp kick to my assailant’s shin when I heard a very familiar chuckle.

“Fuck you, Edward!” I bellowed, struggling against him. He released me, laughing even harder, and I whipped around, shoving him with all my might. He stumbled back a step and doubled over, still laughing.

“Your face,” he gasped, “was fucking priceless! I thought you were going to piss yourself.”

“You almost gave me a heart attack!” I yelled back, shoving him again. He grabbed my outstretched hands and pulled me tightly to him, ignoring my protests.

“I’m sorry, I couldn’t help myself.” Edward kissed the top of my head and I harrumphed, still angry at him for frightening me.

“I’ve got a shitload of knives,” he teased me, his voice falsetto and mocking. “Oh Bella! Always acting like the tough guy.”

“Fuck you,” I muttered. “You’re lucky I didn’t kick you in the nuts or something.”

“I thought about that,” he admitted, releasing me, still grinning. “But that’s what you get for leaving a spare key in the most obvious place ever.” Edward reached into his pocket and handed me the silver key. “I mean, practically everyone hides their key on the top of the door frame. You’d think Chief Swan would be a little smarter than that.”

I shoved the key in my pocket and glared at him. “This is Forks. It’s not like its New York City.”

I felt Edward’s eyes on me as I bent to retrieve the broom and stomped into the kitchen.

“By the way,” he remarked casually, pulling out a chair and folding himself into it. “I liked watching you dance. Your singing, on the other hand, could use a little work.”

I flushed, the heat creeping into my cheeks as Edward drummed his long, lean fingers on the pocked surface of Charlie’s kitchen table.

“How long were you watching me?” I asked tersely. I wasn’t sure if I was pleased he liked my dancing or annoyed that he had violated my privacy.

“Long enough.” Edward’s eyes followed my movements intently. “Didn’t know people danced like that to… country music. It was quite sexy.”

“You think a song about cocaine and meth was sexy?” I raised a brow at him.

“No, I thought you dancing to a song about cocaine and meth was sexy.”

Awkwardly, I huffed, a little uncomfortable with the complement and moved forward to turn on some music when suddenly Edward shoved his chair out, a sinister looking smile on his face.

“Come here,” he demanded, patting his lap.

I shook my head, pouting, pretending to still be mad at him. “No.”

He lunged for me and I was too taken aback to move out of the way. Everything happened so quickly and the next thing I knew I was roughly upended over Edward’s lap with my ass sticking up awkwardly over his knees.

This was a very, very dangerous position, I realized.

“Hey!” My protest was accompanied by an uncharacteristic nervous giggle. “Let me up right now!”

“Now,” Edward smacked his lips appreciatively, “this is most definitely very, very sexy.”

“Hardy har,” I groused, struggling a little bit, my face burning from embarrassment. Edward placed his hands lightly on my ass.

“Bella Swan, you have a very nice ass,” he said conversationally. “Do you know that?”

“Um, no,” I answered. I rested my palms on the kitchen floor and tried to get up but Edward pushed me back down.

“Do you recall our little texting session last night?”

“No.” Oh shit, yes, I did. Edward Cullen never backs down from a challenge. And I challenged him. I gave another nervous giggle. “Edward, let me up. I mean it.”

“No can do.” He gave my ass a gentle pat. “What did I tell you last night?”

“Don’t remember,” I replied grimly, resorting to total denial as my face burned with embarrassment and anticipation. His hand left my rear for a brief moment and he shifted, bringing his leg over both of mine, effectively trapping me. I struggled harder.

“Yes you do. Say it.” Edward was enjoying himself immensely.


I heard the slap a split second before I felt it and I yelped. The predicament was strangely confusing to me. I was generally quick to take the offensive in situations where there was the possibility of someone hitting me, yet I was lying in a very vulnerable position and Edward had just hit me. I should have killed him. Or at least wanted to… but I didn’t. I didn’t understand it.

“Edward!” I half-shrieked, half-laughed. “Stop!”

“What did I say to you last night?” He brought his hand down on my ass again. Hard.

I bit my lip and said nothing. My body involuntarily stiffened as Edward brought his palm down against my rear end, which was starting to feel a little… warm.

I growled. “Fine! You said underage drinking was illegal and…” I trailed off, too mortified to continue. It didn’t help that I was also getting incredibly aroused and the contradiction in my emotions was confusing me.

I didn’t have a chance to work through it before he smacked me again and I gave another little mew of discomfort despite my effort to remain silent.

“Say it. Out loud!” he commanded sternly. “I won’t stop spanking you until you do.”

I squealed as Edward spanked me again, twice in quick succession.

“You said you were going to punish me for it!” I cried out, bucking.

“That’s right,” Edward crowed triumphantly. “And now you’re going to be punished. I hope a nice good spanking will teach you a lesson.”

He began to spank in me earnest, ignoring my yelps and cries. My ass was starting to feel like it was on fire and I thrashed harder against him.

“Edward,” I whined. “You’re hurting me. Stop!”

“It’s supposed to hurt.” He delivered a particularly painful slap to my right cheek. “That’s why it’s a punishment. Have you learned your lesson, Bella Swan?”

“Yes!” I stopped struggling against him, wincing as he gave me a few more swats. I wondered vaguely if my ass was as red as my face and decided it was probably redder.

I also wondered how on earth I was going to get back at him without ending up in this situation again.

“There.” Edward moved his leg, releasing me and helped me sit up in his lap.

“Ow.” I squirmed on my sore ass, pushing my disheveled hair out of my face and narrowed my eyes at Edward.

He was watching me, intensely, his eyes dark and hungry, his lips curving into a dangerous smile.

“Did you like that?” he asked me softly. I ducked my head, embarrassed, and nodded minutely.

“I did too.” His lips suddenly crashed against my and he stood, scooping me into his arms. My back hit the kitchen wall and I wrapped my legs around Edward’s waist, greedily kissing him as he grabbed a handful of my hair, pulling slightly.

“Let’s take this upstairs, shall we?” he whispered as he nipped at my neck. I moaned my agreement and he quickly headed for the stairs, kissing my neck as we stumbled down the hall.

Edward didn’t even bother to shut the door when we reached my room. Instead he dropped me on my bed, staring at me with a terrifying expression.

“Take off your pants,” he demanded imperiously, pulling his shirt off. I was momentarily stunned at the sight of Edward bare-chested. Despite our many petting sessions, I had never seen him with his shirt off. He was magnificent, lean and muscular. Hastily, I stripped out of my jeans. Dimly, I wondered why I was being so obedient and couldn’t decide if it was because of the spanking, Edward half-naked or the fact that there was a very good chance we were going to have sex. Or all of them combined.

“And your shirt.” Edward crouched at the end the bed, looking like he was preparing to pounce and I obeyed, quickly.

Dark emerald eyes traveled up and down my figure as I leaned back, half-sitting, and rested on my forearms. “Fucking gorgeous,” he breathed. “Oh, Bella. You are in so much fucking trouble.”

Before I could open my mouth he was pushing me down on the bed, covering the length of my body with his. His belt buckle dug into my stomach and I let out a whimper.

“Take off your pants,” I whispered.

Edward grinned wickedly. “Are you sure?”

I knew what his question really meant and I met his gaze and nodded. “Very sure.”

Quickly he pulled off his jeans and I tried not to laugh when they became entangled around his ankles. With a frustrated grunt, he finally freed himself and turned back to me.

His hands slid up my hips to my waist as he lightly nibbled at my flesh. My breath hitched when his lips found my breast, his breath warming me through the flimsy cloth of my bra. I weaved my fingers through his unruly hair, arching my back, forcing my nipple to greet his lips. I watched as his lean fingers tugged the bra away and his tongue made slow, lazy circles that sent a fire straight from my nipple to my cunt.

I moaned loudly and felt a pinch as Edward bit down delicately. The fire between my legs increased in intensity and a very unladylike grunt burst from my lips.

“You like that.” Edward murmured, peering up at me through his eyelashes. He brought his teeth to my flesh again and I gasped, bucking.

“Yes!” I hissed through my teeth. Edward grinned and continued his slow assault on my breasts until I could barely lay still. Finally, I couldn’t take it anymore, the throbbing was becoming unbearable. I pushed at his hands and shifted positions. His brow furrowed as I looked at him, grinning.

“My turn,” I told him slyly, pushing him onto his back. I straddled his waist, leaning back a little as I drank in his body. Thick but lean, muscles rippling beneath the skin of his belly as I purposefully brought my panty-clad pussy against his erection. I liked the way I could see his Adam’s apple bob in the hollow of his neck in response; it let me know he wasn’t as calm as he was trying to be.

“Let me play,” I murmured huskily. “Just relax.”

He complied, relaxing as he allowed me to explore his body. I took my time kissing him, first on the mouth, then his neck. Edward sucked in a breath and groaned loudly as I nibbled at his earlobes and I made mental note. Slowly, I made my way down to his chest, breathing in his delicious scent, enjoying the slightly salty taste of his skin, the way his chest hair tickled my cheek as I licked at his nipple. Edward sighed, contentedly, his eyes watching my every move. They widened as I dipped my head even lower, past his navel. I could feel his erection against my breasts and I paused for a moment, leaning even lower and capturing his cock between my breasts. I felt his erection grow and it pushed insistently against me. I narrowed my eyes as I brushed my fingers over the top of his boxers, still kissing his taut belly and hid my grin as I dipped my fingers past his waistband and heard his breathing pick up pace.

Then, abruptly, I stopped. Edward’s expression fell into confusion and, I noted with a small amount of alarm, outrage.

“That’s what you get for spanking me,” I told him, pursing my lips.

His face darkened and he let out a guttural roar as he sat up to grab me and we tumbled back down, Edward on top of me. He gathered my wrists in one hand and pinned them over my head.

“You fucking tease,” he snarled. I shivered under his mock angry gaze and grinned, moving my head so I could kiss him.

“Just kidding,” I whispered.

Edward’s eyes narrowed and he licked his lips. “I should fuck you hard for that,” he told me.

I nearly exploded at his words.

“You’ll have a hard time doing that if you’re holding my hands.”

Edward released me and I felt him yank at my panties. I lifted my hips off the bed so he could take them off. He leaned over and pulled a condom out of the pocket of his crumpled jeans.

He was just about to tear through the foil when he stopped and looked at me. “Are you sure?”

I nodded. “You promise to play nice?” I asked coyly.

Edward deftly rolled on the condom and pushed himself between my legs. He stroked my cheek and kissed me softly.

“After that stunt you just pulled?” he said sweetly. I felt his cock nudge against my entrance, insistently. “Absolutely not.”

He thrust so quickly that I nearly shrieked as he filled me. My hips bucked against him as pleasure rolled over me in waves. He didn’t pull out right away, instead moving slightly, pushing himself even deeper inside me.

“Okay?” he asked softly, pulling out slowly, eyes heavy with want. I nodded and he pushed back into me, firm yet gentle.

“Fuck, Bella, you feel fucking fantastic. So tight.” Edward’s fingers wove through my hair and he bent his head to kiss me deeply as he moved inside of me.

I arched my back as Edward picked up the pace, his breathing harsh in my ear and he grunted loudly as I lifted my legs and pulled me knees into my chest, allowing him to drive his cock even deeper.

“Oh, fuck!” I gasped, my arms wrapped around him tightly and he gripped my ass, lifting me slightly and I moaned, feeling my belly pull tight as the tension mounted. It was amazing. My body was taut and aware, tense, my muscles coiling for a grand release and I sighed heavily, pushing myself against Edward’s pelvis, driving him even deeper.

A dark chuckled sounded in my ear. “That’s what I’m doing, Bella.”

“Oh god, yes,” I hissed and he suddenly pulled out, leaving me feeling suddenly, violently empty. For a horrifying moment I thought he was paying me back for the stunt I had pulled earlier and I nearly howled in protest.

“Get on top of me,” Edward demanded and I straddled him, grabbing on to the headboard of my bed to maintain my balance. Slowly, I lowered myself onto his cock, groaning as it filled me. Edward watched me with an almost rapt expression and he grabbed my hips. I raised myself just as slowly and Edward sighed.

“You’re torturing me,” he moaned.

“I am?” I said in a teasing voice. I angled my hips and started to move faster, feeling powerful as Edward’s breathing picked up speed, getting ragged. His hands trailed up my torso and came to rest on my breasts. The tension in my belly tightened as he rolled my nipples between his fingers, plucking them roughly, the pain delicious as it threatened to push me over the edge. I closed my eyes.

“I love watching you ride me,” he growled, sliding one hand to my ass while the other continued to pinch my nipple. “You are so fucking beautiful.”

He raked the tips of his fingers across the sore flesh of my ass and I groaned, seething with pleasure.

“The next time I spank you I’m going to fuck you from behind right afterward.”

My eyes flew open as the first wave of orgasm washed over me and Edward grabbed my hips roughly and thrust himself deeply inside me. I wailed in pleasure and Edward gave a rough groan, holding me even tighter as his own climax moved through him.

“Holy fuck,” Edward breathed, pulling me into his chest and wrapping his arms tightly around me. “Holy fuck.”

“Uh huh,” I mumbled into his neck, pleasantly spent. Carefully, I shifted so I was lying next to Edward and he nuzzled my cheek with his nose.

I was slowly drifting off when suddenly Edward spoke.

“I’ve never done that before,” Edward said softly. My head rested on his chest, his fingers gently stroking through my hair.

“You’ve never had sex before?” I asked, teasingly.

He grunted. “I was talking about punishing you. I’ve never done that before to another girl.”

I blushed. “Well, I’ve never had anyone do that to me before.”

“It was incredibly hot, watching you struggle and cry out.” Edward’s expert fingers traced my jaw.

“Mmm,” I agreed wryly. “In a slightly painful kind of way, I suppose.”

“I’m going to do that every time you do something stupid or dangerous.” His tone was full of conviction and I frowned.

“Maybe,” I replied.

“Maybe?” Edward fingers tilted my chin up, forcing me to meet his gaze and there was tenderness in his eyes.

“What time is it?” I changed the subject and reached over him to grab my cell phone off the nightstand. “It’s almost four. We probably should get going.”

Edward sighed and rolled over. I stood up and looked around my room for my t-shirt before discreetly opening a drawer and pulling out a new pair of underwear and tugged them on.

“You ready?” I asked once we were fully clothed. Edward leaned down and kissed me tenderly.

“Whenever you are,” he replied, rubbing his nose against mine.

I slid my hand, almost shyly, into his. “Let’s go.”

We walked out to Edward’s car hand in hand and I smiled when he opened my car door.

“Give me your iPod.” Edward held out his hand and I fished it from my backpack. Every time we were in his car he asked me for it. Sometimes he requested that I put on an album I wanted to listen but mostly he put the device on shuffle, giving us a very eclectic mixture of background music.

He plugged it into his car and hit play, obviously wanting to hear what I had been listening to last. Strange, almost demented sounding circus-esqe music filled the Volvo.

“Well, this is fucking weird,” he remarked as we hit the highway and headed toward Port Angeles. “Why do you like this stuff?”

I smiled to myself, recalling my music session with Charlie. “Well, first of all, they are really talented musicians. I like the craziness of their sound. I mean, it’s really dramatic and kind of over the top and peppy but it’s also kind of sinister, too. The lyrics are a contradiction to the sound. They’re dark and kind of bitter. They sing about heartbreak and lost love and stuff.”

Leaning over, I turned up the volume and the car filled with pianos, bells, flutes, and the lilting sound of xylophones. It was insanely, maniacally chipper and cacophonic. Hypocrisy at its finest. “Listen to the lyrics,” I told Edward.

Am I supposed to close my eyes as you walk away from me
Am I supposed to blind myself so I'll never have to see
you walking side by side with a different kind of man
who'll redefine your body in ways I know I..
what if I don't want to go now

will you come and put these eyes out for me...

“It kind of makes me uncomfortable,” Edward admitted. “It’s sort of… jarring.”

“It is,” I agreed. “But I like things that make me uncomfortable, I guess.”

Edward grinned devilishly at me. “Yes, you do.”

I rolled my eyes. “Whatever.”

The drive passed quickly as Edward and I bantered back and forth, occasionally throwing out good-natured insults and teasing one another. We showed up to the legion hall and there was already a crowd of kids lingering around the parking lot. A few eyebrows raised as Edward navigated his Volvo between a rusty old station wagon and a truck that looked even more decrepit than mine. I realized that Edward would stick out like a sore thumb. His designer jeans clung to his hips and his t-shirt was ridiculously expensive looking, even though it was simple. He just looked rich. Hardcore kids and rich kids, in general, weren’t a very good mix. Rich kid, rich kid, get outta my hair (get out of my way, get out of my way)/ I’ll sing what I sing/ I’ll wear what I what I wear…

“You know,” Edward said quietly to me, grabbing my hand. “I was a little insulted when I showed up today and you were wearing a pair of jeans and a Forks High t-shirt. But I see why now.”

I chuckled a little. “Edward, it’s not like I’m going to wear a prom dress. It’s going to be hot and stuffy in there. People are going to mosh and sweat. No sense in dressing up.”

“People are looking at us.”

“No,” I corrected. “People are looking at you. You’re not exactly second-hand store chic. Don’t worry about it. Fuck them. We’re here for the music, not the crowd.”

Edward looked down at me and smiled in a way that made me melt. “This is so important to you, isn’t it?”

I nodded as we dodged around a group of kids that were arguing back and forth about politics.

“And you only come here for the music, not to make friends or hang out with people.”

“It’s all about the music,” I explained simply. “Why would you go to see a live band if you didn’t want to see the music? I mean, who cares about the other people.”

Edward stopped me, suddenly. “Bella, have you ever had friends? Besides your iPod?”

I bristled and ignored his question. “Look,” I said harshly. “This is what makes me happier than anything in the world. I have never taken someone to a show before. So you either shut up with your little analysis of all of this and enjoy it or you can leave me here and I’ll find a way home. Capisce?”

His dark eyes smoldered and I noticed his shoulders tighten. I expected an outburst from him but instead, he simply took up my hand again and simply said, “Okay, Bella. Let’s go.”

I tuned Edward out a little as we stepped into line. He seemed to sense that I wanted a little space and, though he held my hand, he was silent, watching me.

This was my time. I wanted to tell him that he must mean something to me if I was taking him to a show but I couldn’t. I didn’t know how to articulate what I felt. So I stopped thinking about it. We dance to all the wrong songs/ we enjoy all the wrong moves/ we dance to all the wrong songs/ we’re not… leading…

I was so excited to get inside I could barely contain it. I bounced from one foot to another, impatiently waiting as the line shuffled ahead, trading seven dollars for a stamp on the back of the hand. Though the crowd was mostly teenagers or twenty-somethings, a few older folks milled about as the crew raced around on the makeshift stage, setting up for the band.

Edward raised an eyebrow when we entered the building, scanning the dimly lit, packed room.

“I’m going to go up front when my band goes on,” I informed him. “I’ll stay back here with you for the opening bands, but I’m pretty sure you’re not going to want to come up front with me.”

“Why is that?”

“Well,” I tried to explain. “It’s kind of crazy in the pit – you know, people pushing and shoving or riding the crowd. If you’re not used to it, you can get hurt.”

“And you’re going to participate?” Edward asked, incredulous. “Bella, you’re half the size of most of the people in this room.”

“Edward, I like to be up front,” I replied quietly, almost imploringly. “I want to be up there and I don’t want to be worrying that you’re up there, getting hurt. Or worse.”

Edward sighed and it looked like he wanted to put up an argument, but thought better of it. “Fine.”

We barely spoke as the bands came on and occasionally I’d peek up at Edward to try to observe his reaction. He watched not just the band, but also the crowd, very intently, his eyes bright and curious. Every once in awhile he would tap his foot in time to the music and I knew he was getting into it. When the second band came on, I felt his arm snake around my waist.

“Since you’re going to ditch me soon, I figured I might as well take advantage of your close proximity,” he said into my ear as he pulled me closer to him. “Plus, I want every fucking guy in this place to know you belong to me.”

“I am not an object to possess,” I protested vehemently, a little insulted.

Edward’s hand tightened around my waist, a little painfully and he kissed my cheek. “You are the object of my affection and I am very possessive of what I care about,” he answered, his voice dark.

“Shut up and watch the band,” I retorted. Edward rolled his eyes and returned his attention to the stage.

The moment the second band was finished, I stood on my tiptoes, gave Edward a very deep kiss and disappeared into the thick crowd before he could protest. It took me about five minutes to push my way through the throngs of people but finally, as the lights dimmed, I had managed to make my way to the stage and was squished between two burly boys.

I tapped my foot anxiously, waiting for the band to start, feeling my heart pound and rattle inside my chest, frenetic with excitement and anticipation. I lived for this. Everything else in my life disappeared the moment I heard the screech of guitar, or the pounding of drum. It was all around me, next to me, inside of me. At that moment I was no longer Bella Swan, but a part of something so much bigger. I belonged to the music and the music belonged to me. I could feel the hum of the amplifiers in my chest and knew it would only increase when the drummer started playing. I couldn’t wait – and I didn’t have long.

The room exploded when the band started to play and I kept my forearm in front of me to protect myself from any errant hands or feet that might come my way. We sang along with the song, throwing our fists in the air as adrenaline and excitement coursed through me, leaving me feeling light and breathless.

Did you really fall for this again? Did you believe that he was a man?
Did you think there was something real
In the things we’ve said.
Just to be a lord over you (in bed)

He’ll tell you everything
You’ll ever want to hear
Cause he wants to be your most dear

He wants to be the reason for your tear
And the music that’s playing in your ear
He wants to be your reservoir of pleasure
And wants to be your heart’s only treasure

Your everything, your only-thing

Your god, he wants to be your god

How far you fall for it – how far you fall

My throat protested as I screamed along with crowd, pounding my foot on the floor in time to the heavy drum beat, shifting and undulating, an ocean of people, organized chaos. As the band launched into the chorus, something hit me violently; it felt as if a fire exploded in my face. For a split second the world went black and silent, with only the pain accompanying me. The next thing I knew many hands were reaching down to pull me up off the floor. I gazed around me, trying to convey my thanks to the boys who had formed a protective circle around me so I didn’t get trampled by the moshing crowd.

A torturous throbbing pulsed through me. I almost marveled that my body could feel something so terrible. Then I looked down, dumbly, as I pulled my cupped hands away from my nose and saw a little puddle of blood in them. For the first time in my life, I swooned.

A lanky man with a shaved head and multiple tattoos helped propel me through the crowds, his arm protectively around me as he led me toward the back of the room. Once he ascertained I was in no danger of getting clocked in the face again, he disappeared back into the melee as the band played on. Someone else shoved a wad of paper towels into my hands and I pressed it gingerly against my nose, suddenly aware of the tears of pain that were streaming down my cheeks. My god, it hurt.

“Bella!” Over the cacophony of the music, I heard Edward’s voice, wild with panic. His face was twisted with concern but also fury and for a moment I thought he was mad at me. Then his form blurred as tears distorted my vision. I clutched at the paper towels that were rapidly turning a bright red.

“What the fuck happened?” Edward came to a halt in front of me. “Jesus Christ, Bella. Someone hit you?”

“No one hit me, Edward,” I mumbled, my voice sounding nasally. I jerked my head toward the door and Edward followed me out.

The cool air hit my sweaty face and I stumbled, dazed and dizzy. The smell of blood was overpowering and I almost sank to the sidewalk but Edward grabbed me and led me to a bench.

“You need to go to a hospital.”

“No I fucking don’t,” I replied. “It’s just a bloody nose. It’ll stop soon.”

“Who hit you?” Edward looked venomously angry.

“No one hit me, Edward,” I sighed and pinched the bridge of my nose gingerly, wincing as pain coursed through it. “I don’t know what hit me. Maybe a boot from someone crowd surfing. Maybe an elbow? I don’t know. That’s just how it is. It’s nobody’s fault.”

“I should have gone up there with you,” Edward muttered, more to himself than me.

“Why? So you could see me get punched in the face?” I was starting to get pissed off. “Look, it’s not a big deal, forget it.”

“You’re going to see my father.”

I frowned. “What the hell does that have to do with anything?”

Edward rolled his eyes. “He’s a doctor. He can take a look at your nose.”

“Be real, Edward,” I snapped. “You’re going to introduce me for the first time to your father when I’m covered in blood?” I plucked at my Forks High t-shirt, now smattered with blood. “No way.”

“No arguing,” Edward told me firmly. “Come on, let’s go-“

“Well, well, if it isn’t Bella and her pretty boy,” a cold voice interrupted Edward and inwardly I groaned. James sauntered over to us, surrounded by three other men and a woman with fiery red hair. He grinned at us.

“Fuck,” I hissed under my breath. I knew why James was looking so pleased with himself and by the taut set of Edward’s jaw, he knew as well. We were outnumbered.

“What happened, Bella?” James asked innocently. “Got a little too rough in there for you? Pretty boy couldn’t take care of you, huh?”

“Shut up, you fucker,” Edward snarled. I hopped up from the bench and stood in front of him. He was glowering at James and his friends, fists clenching and unclenching.

“Edward,” I kept my voice low. “Don’t even play into it. I’m serious.”

“Better listen to your bitch,” the red headed woman said.

I was in pain, still bleeding, and immensely annoyed that there was a good chance a fight was about to break out. I needed to diffuse the situation and quickly.

“Let’s go, Edward,” I said, tugging at his arm. He complied, still shooting daggers at James. “I think my nose is broken. I probably need to go to the ER.”

I hoped that James wouldn’t do anything to delay my medical attention and it worked. They let us pass through. At the least minute, I turned back and saw James watching me.

“See you around, Bella,” he called after me. “Maybe I’ll stop by and visit one of these days.”

“Yeah, right,” I scoffed. “Good luck finding me. Asshole.”

“I have a good idea where to look,” James replied, laughing. “And when I do find you, we’re going to have a fun time together.”

I glowered at him but said nothing. Instead, I slipped my hand into Edward’s.

Edward looked down at me and I was startled by his expression. His eyes were wide, glittering with something akin to anger but tinged with an emotion I couldn’t quite decipher.

His expression unnerved me. “My nose isn’t bleeding anymore,” I offered. He was still staring at me, panicked. “What? Don’t listen to that fucker. It’s not like he fucking knows where I live or anything.”

“Bella,” he whispered. “Look at your shirt.”

“What?” I peered down and froze, finally understanding Edward’s consternation as the mascot of Forks High School stared right back at me.

I stared up at Edward and swallowed thickly. “Huh. That’s not good, is it?”


Lightsabre Cocksucking Blues - McClusky (these dudes are fucking great)

Cold Night - Yeah Yeah Yeahs
Murder in the Red Barn - Tom Waits
Alabama High Test - Old Crow Medicine Show
Ice Dogs - Man Man
Get Outta My Way - Rancid
New Noise - Refused
Woman - 108


  1. I continue to love the shit out of this story. You totally rock. :)

  2. Lovin' it as always!

  3. I loved the Charlie/Bella bonding! So sweet ;)

  4. Another great chapter! A good writer knows how to make their characters come alive, and you have done that.....and even though they are "Edward" and "Bella", you have given them unique personalities and story. Loving this fic!

    vw: hargili - what my cat sounds like when she has a hairball

  5. I'm so irritated at Bella. I want to give her a bloody nose myself. Arghh. I feel the angst! Ok, need to come down...
    JJ I love your fanfic. Oh what the fuck. There was lemons. Like really good one! Bella made me so mad I forgot about that!
    Can't wait for the next chapter!

  6. \o/ woo hoo! high five! loved it JJ!
    Right up there with the one were E&B go to the meadow as one of my favorite chapters!

  7. Holy freakin' awesome...I loved it...that sex scene was incredible...I need to reread it...over and over.

    Damn girl..

  8. 10, 2009 at 2:23 AM

    So that's what really happened to the headboard and pillows!?! Explains the bruises! LOL!!! Stupid Mormon Meyer leaving us in the dark...she should have known we'd fill in the blanks even more colorfully ourselves, the prude! lol Makes me fell less like a pervert for the steamy Bella/Jacob fanfic scene I've been contemplating writing. Thanks a lot for getting me all hot and bothered at 2AM. Now, how am I ever gonna end tonight's insomnia? Guess I'm just gonna have to wake up my man! :) Cheers!!

  9. JJ, great job! This is definitely my favorite one so far. Don't ever stop!

  10. JJ - I absolutely love this fic. You are doing such a fantastic job developing all these characters. I gotta say, I love this Bella. She's feisty, doesn't give a shit ... shes got spunk and it's awesome. Congratu-fucking-lations. I think you've got a winner. *gold star for you*

    On another note - amazing job on the concert scene. I myself am a huge fan of punk shows and standing near the mosh pit (I'm a bit dainty so it's hard for me to put up my dukes and fight off the big boys - and some of those guys just go CRAZY in there, swinging their arms every which way). You encapsulated the chaos, energy, and EMOTION perfectly. I felt like I was there in person. :)

    Also, gotta mention that you have rad taste in music. Such an eclectic array of song choices. I'm usually tempted to just skip to the bottom to see what songs are in the chapter to catch a glimpse of what's in store.

    Last, but not least, great job on the lemons. It was.... very .... satisfying.

    :::awkward turtle:::

    keep it up girlie. <3

  11. Wow! Just started reading Fanfic ( i know, i have been missing out!) and this is by far one of my favourites. I am glad he spanked her, she so deserved it!

    Can't wait for the next chapter :)

  12. Love the gritty realism here and with the lemons - it's not all soft-focus. they actually behave like me and my BF did when we were 17. Great taste in music too - Yeah Yeah Yeahs are especially awesome (or, they were back when they did Cold Night and Bang!).

  13. good god JJ. That's brilliant.

    And of three things i am now absolutely positive.

    1. I should not read your Twismut at work. Whenever I get turned on I flush red all over my chest, sigh and chuckle. Very embarrassing when the people on my pod start throwing questioning glances in my direction and at each other.

    2. I NEED you to make a alternative viewing format for TWITARDED that has a fake spreadsheet/email/work-related-something look about it. I'm arousing suspicion of those sat behind me all the bloody time. If they weren't a couple of gay raunchy die-hard True-blood fans (and Twilight sympathisers) i'd be in a LOT more trouble than i am already.

    3. I really need to find a boyfriend. arrrgh.

  14. Another amazing chapter - for a second I was seething because you mentioned Leonard Cohen and I missed him playing at MSG but I got over it because you mentioned my fake husband Tom Waits.

    I'm new to angst ff, but I truly enjoy your story. As always impressed with the writing skills as well as your knowledge of music. The way you describe emotions, and the drama - I adore! You are constantly introducing me to new and wonderful music - my wallet isn't a fan of yours but my mind is.

    Thanks for sharing your story with us.

  15. @ JJ - I love love love this story, and I felt the need to tell you even though I haven't read this chapter yet. I better not have a busy work day today, I got more important shit to take care of! *rolls eyes* So long as I don't shred the wrong document again because I'm in a Fan Fic induced haze, I'll be fine.

  16. Thank you, THANK YOU!! I love all your comments!

    @Miss Amy - I spent a large amount of my teenage years at shows like that. I miss the energy but I think I'd probably freak out if I went to one now tried to get near the stage. I'm officially old, I think. I'm so glad you could feel like you were there!

    @Honolulu Girl - I'm curious. What irritated you about Bella?

    @TJB - I wanted to see Leonard Cohen too! The tickets were outrageously expensive so I had to pass.

    Glad you all are likin' the music! And the fic! :)

  17. LOVED the chapter JJ! Loved how Edward spanks Bella for being so sassy... I'd mouth off to him anyday!

    and by the way... 10 MORE DAYS UNTIL NEW MOON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  18. I love it!!
    Keep them coming JJ. I'm well and truely hooked on them and am loving the shit outta Bella and Edward

    But can I punch James? Pretty please with sugar on top?

  19. I loved it! You have to keep going with this! The lemon was fantastic! You have somehow managed to make you Bella super awesome, but still just as annoying. I am amazed. I love her though, and you Edward can spank me anyday!!!!!!

    Great Job......Keep em' coming!!!!

  20. How did I forget to add an r twice.....correction, YOUR Edward and YOUR Bella

  21. Not a huge fan of the C-bomb. Sort of acted like a slap back from the lemon taking place. But to each his own.

    When do we hear more about James and who this douche bag is?? Older or same age as E/B?

    I love that Bella and Charlie had a moment together, that was sweet. And them listening to music wasn't this over the top reconciliation where everything is peaches and roses after the start they had, I like that you kept it realistic with the slow steps.

    Can't wait for the next chapter..... = )

  22. @JJ I only got mad at Bella towards the end with her talking back to James. Since I think most weirdos are rapists and serial killers (come on I grew up in LA County), I don't like Bella instigating James. It makes me scared for Bella, that's all. So now that I know James knows where she's from, I'm freaking out for her.

  23. @Honolulu Girl - Thank you! Bella is definitely a little bit reckless, isn't she? I imagine it could get her into big trouble one day... ;)

    I love the feedback. Thanks again!

  24. Oh JJ - I love 15 step! Your Bella and Edward are 40 different shades of fuckawesomeness. More (and soon)!

  25. Hi! Sorry it's taken me so long to write but RL is insane right now...
    Your new chappie was fan-effing-tastic. Well done darling JJ!
    It's 1:30 here right now and I have to be at the clinic at 7, soooo, I think it is time for me to go to bed, or somebody is gonna have biiiiig problems tomorrow... Oh Ok, maybe I'll just read the chapter once more and then I'll go to bed... Damn you JJ you're good!

  26. OMG, I LOVE REFUSED...and the story...but seriously, that album is fucking fantastic.

    also, there was a band that i used to be in (not bragging at all, really), and we used to cover "wagon wheel" by OCMS.

    in summation, i love the addition of music/lyrics in your story. i haven't read one yet that does that.

    keep up the good work, madame!

  27. Yeyh! One more chapter... Unfortunately I'll only be able to read it tomorrow. Work :(

  28. This is why I have to stop myself giggling every time I hear the word lemon. And speaking of lemons, congrats JJ! This one was awesome. Also loved the Bella-Charlie bonding. Very sweet.

    @Selene: Plenty of beer bellies around here too. You can't judge all Irish guys by Collin Farrell and Stuart Townsend's standards ya know! :) Mmm, Stuart Townsend...

  29. LOVING THIS FIC!!! Bella really seems to be opening up what with the tutoring session with Charlie and taking Edward to the show. And the smut was uberlicious. I read it at lunch in my cube and my boss's boss interrupted me during one of the dirtier sentences. AWKWARD! I really need to stop reading this shit at work but there aren't enough hours otherwise! And by the by, thanks for recc'ing Master of the Universe. To quote Moi from Twigasm, "Uuuuunnngh..." Thanks are in order also for turning me onto Twigasm. I feel like I've found my long lost sisters!

  30. @Banshee713 - I was thinking I was the only one that giggled whenever I hear or read "lemons".

    I swear, people think I'm crazy because I always randomly burst into laughter when something reminds me of twilight. There are a few key words:
    lemons, glitter, sparkle, statue, jaw, chagrined .... 'tis the life of a twitard. :)

  31. @JJ - You bitch! I was a fanfic virgin until just last week. I popped my fanfic cherry on Chapter 1 of Stan's fanfic. It was very sweet and very lovely, and I bookmarked it so I could read the rest of the chapters after the release of New Moon - when I could give it my undivided attention.

    So what the fuck happens to me today at work?! You post Chapter 9 of your fanfic. I figured what the hell. I've had just the tip with Stan, so I'll skim JJ's to see what all the fuss is about. I still had my Skull Candy earbuds in because I had been listening to my iPod and turned down the volume while I read. The more I read, the more my breathing became amplified in the damn earbuds. Midway through, someone stopped by my desk to drop something off, and I jumped guiltily, scaring myself and them (I agree with MySharona about needing some form of cover while on your site!).

    Seriously?! I picked Chapter 9 to be the first chapter I look at of your fanfic? Chapter fucking (or am I supposed to be calling it lemons) 9?! I had to go back and look at it again tonight to appreciate the plot and the music references. Oh, who am I kidding. I still don't know what the plot is about. I had to re-read the parts that had me squirming in my chair at work. Unlike other people's comments I've read, any mention of Edward makes me think of Rob. And the thought of Rob doing any and/or all of the things your fanfic Edward was doing . . . holy hell.

    Now I'm going to have to read the first eight chapters to find out if your fanfic Edward is even a vampire! I was right to be afraid of the fanfic. I don't love you any less for what you've done, but I don't love you any more, either ;)


  32. Well shit fire JJ - that was like a mind-blowing fuck without the foreplay. Where does a fellow TwiTard find Chapters 1-8 of this lovely Lemon Shake-up?

    Also...finally got around to the TT Meme dealio - I'm sure I fucked it up royally, but I hope I'll get points for effort.

    Let the Twibernation Begin

    Mama Cougar

  33. sprtzmom1721 & Mama Cougar - Wait. Hold up. You both STARTED with this chapter. No wonder you feel like you just got fucked with no lube!!! LOL.

    Under our Zazzle merch button are labels for 15 Step. You seriously picked the way wrong chapter to start with. LOL! I mean, it's THE lemony chapter thus far.

    Oh wait, maybe you picked the perfect chapter to start with.

    I know some folks have expressed some concerns (more on than here) about their little spanky-poo session but... don't worry about it. They are playin' around, for now. And frankly, a spanking is the least of Bella's worries. Just hope she figures it out soon...

  34. @JJ - Pass the lube indeed! Your fanfic Edward did say he was going to take Bella from behind the next time ;)

    I also forgot to mention in my earlier post that it made me wonder how very naughty the author is to have written in such detail the way Edward positioned his leg over Bella's to hold her more securely during the infamous spanking scene. Just sayin'. LOL!

  35. I'm caught up!!! I started at the very beginning about two weeks ago, and now I'm totally caught up. And whew - what a chapter!

    @JJ - I really like your description of music and feeling it. I can totally relate to that. Music is so much more than sound. And - um - the lemon was ripe and juicy and just tart enough for me, spanking and all. Yummy.

  36. JJ - How did you do it? How did you make me want to be spanked? I "get it" now.Why do These FFs with Bella & Edward make me want everything under the sun to be in the bag of sex tricks? That was amazing.

    between your a-hole James and CW&IA's bad seed james..I think I need a chill pill. I'm freaking out!!
    I need a side of Wallbanger to offset the creepy James. I love what you've done=!!

  37. I wanna know, JJ, did you write that before or after you read Motu? The spanking scene was hot. Very well written. Great cliffy. Can't wait for Edward to let lose his rage and rip James limb from limb. A sweaty panting Edward is a hot Edward. I still feel like theres more to Edwards story. Like his rage issues have a background.

    L-O-V-E-D the sex scene, btw! Lovely lemons...sighs...

  38. @Kerri - Actually, I wrote this before I started reading MotU. I wanted to find a way to show that both of them are very cognizant of the fact that they both need to be in control. That's why Bella was so embarrassed, and why she was kind of playing it off as a joke. She's sort of nervous laughing at the beginning, remember? That is also why she teases him during the sex scene - it's a reminder to Edward that, while he might have had the upper hand during the spanking, she gained it back during the sex scene.

    Does that make sense?

    Also, just as an aside,I guess, my introduction into erotic literature was bdsm lit. I've always been fascinated with it and I still prefer to read that kind of erotica over more 'vanilla' types. However, my intention with 15 Step is to really just skirt the line and I don't think (it could change!)that these kids will be getting into any hardcore stuff. They are just experimenting.

    And I find spanking really, really hot. LOL.

  39. JJ - I have to say that until today, I thought Twilight fanfic was not really my cup of tea....however, I read your first 9 chapters today (thank god I had a day off) and am dying for more chapters!!! I love love love it. I can relate to this Bella so much because this is exactly who I was in highschool - punk shows, mosh pits, getting into loads of trouble, and causing grief for my parents frequently. I love this spin on the characters and I love your writing style. Thank you so very much for a lovely day off. My husband has no idea what's about to hit him when he gets home..but we're skipping dinner :)

  40. Sorry for the dealy in commenting but I finally just read this today. I absolotely love Charlie's music lesson well, because I love Charlie and it was sweet. Oh, and I love that he loved Tom Waits and she was having him listen to Leonard Cohen--Bella certainly is a schooled music oficianado for such a young age. Oh, and thanks for the Rainier shout-out--ha! just kidding.

    More sex please...more, more, more. Longer, longer, longer. Loved the scene but you just left me wanting more...sorry I am insatiable these days.

    Love the tension with James and that was a great cliff-hanger ending. How is Edward going to deal with that a-hole...I am thinking he has something up his sleeve huh?

    Smooches JJ....loving the story.

  41. Wow, all the typos! How did STY say that you spellcheck in this thing? I still haven't figured it out.

  42. Because DAMN. I've never wanted to laugh and cheer so hard for the use of "say it. Out loud," as I did in this. Looks like this story is just getting warmed up. Can't wait to read more, JJ!

    And thanks for suggesting CW&IA. Good call. All dark and angsty! Gots ta love it.

  43. More more more! I've been patiently waiting knowing New Moon celebrations and turkey day would be keeping you busy but I'm begging for more!

  44. Hi,

    I am new to this... But i have just finished reading all the chapters you have posted and OME... I never thought that being a 21yo and in love with twilight could be any better than what i have read on this blog... I swear i will forever be in your debt for the best dreams that i will be having...

    I can not wait for the next installment that is 15 Step...


  45. I finally read this whole story today - thank God for the mind-numbing Superbowl. Holy Crap, you can write, girl! This is amazing, and I can't wait to read the next installment!! I love all the music references, too - you rock.

  46. hey there. just read the story so far and i thought it'd be rude to click on by without dropping a line.
    i've been working in bookstores for 10 years, then one fateful day i stumbled on twilight, read the first chapter as a laugh on my lunchbreak, became an addict, spent a week reading all kinds of blogs looking to fill the twi-void inside, now twitarded is the only one i come back to regularly.
    you're writing is just so refreshing and sharp.
    great fanfic. you've really built a solid world for the characters, very distinct from Meyers, but what's great is that you've done this through the tone of Bella's internal monologues and the character's interactions rather than relying on subtle-as-a-sledgehammer symbolism, or adjective heavy details of their surroundings etc.
    How do i love it? let me count the ways...

    (1)Love how Bella is a self-centered angst ridden cliche who is so drunk on the sheer size of all the emotions she feels that she seems oblivious to the fact that everyone else at school and at home has inner world's just as chaotic and dark. It's called being 17 and it's totally appropriate for the character. she's no disney princess or empty protagonist to guide us through a plot. She's an accurate 17yr old.
    (b)i love how she's learning this about herself. when her lack of empathy and control makes her act out she then later calms and mentally corrects herself, she seems to learning that just because you feel an overwhelming anger it doesn't mean that all actions are justified.
    (three) i love how her changing relationship with Charlie isn't overplayed, it's subtle and slow and truthful. great choice re: renee. you haven't had to change anything about the renee character at all, you've only changed bella's reactions to renee's actions which i think is genious.
    (iv) sometimes certain segments in each chapter seem to end abruptly, as if they've stopped too soon after the plot event they describe, or they're not reflected on. suddenly it's the next morning, or like when they've fucked for the first time they just jump up out of bed and head to the concert
    (cinq) holy mother of christ you can write sex. seriously. y'got me hard. didn't see it coming. there i was innocently reading along and then bam, at full mast. which is uncomfortable when i'm in skinny denim with a laptop on my knees. cheers though!
    (6)love the dialogue, it's sparky enough that it entertains and grips the reader, but not so reliant on crafted witticisms or symbolism that it sounds false which is a really hard thing to do so well done you.
    (vii) often in bdsm fic, and in most porn, as soon as the characters get down to business they become one dimensional. they stop being multi-layered and basically each embody a single emotion such as 'predator' and 'prey' and then stick to those roles till they come. you prety much avoid that so i salute you....with my hand, not with my, y'know, 'mast'...oh ok with that too.

  47. @Twi=heartporn -

    Holy shit! A guy! AWESOME!

    Thank you for your critique. I will agree with you that I do tend to end things/change things rather abruptly but I'm glad you pointed it out - I always wondered if that was really obvious.

    I'm sorry for the chubbie vs. skinny jeans but hey, it kinda made my day. Wait, that came out totally wrong, didn't it?

    Thank you for your comment!! :)

  48. I love it!!
    Keep them coming JJ. I'm well and truely hooked on them and am loving the shit outta Bella and Edward

    But can I punch James? Pretty please with sugar on top?


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