We considered doing two separate posts for our New Moon critique but decided that there would probably be a lot of redundancy, since STY and I appear to be morphing into the same person, which is a terrifying prospect that probably deserves it's own post.
And then we realized that we aren't fully morphed yet and decided to take advantage of it by doing our own critiques anyway.
Anyhoo. We've now seen New Moon three times and figured we've given most of you long enough to see it at least once. I apologize if this is a tad choppy but I'm furiously trying to write this and decipher the shittiest notes I've ever written in the dark at the same time. Obviously, it's not working out too well and I'm probably missing key points I wanted to address. Oh well, guess I'll just have to go and watch the movie again...
Overall, I really enjoyed it. I felt the CGI, cinematography and overall color and feel of this film was much more polished than Twilight. I know Catherine Hardwicke had some artistic reason for making Twilight a hazy gray but I forget what it was and I like Chris Weitz's dark, deep colors better. So there.
So, without further ado, here are my likes and dislikes of New Moon.
The CGI in general - no longer do we have ridiculously sped up vampires and THANK FUCKING OME that there wasn't a single "spider-monkey-get-on-my-back" scene in this movie because I hated that and thought it looked l-a-m-e and corny.
The Wolves - the first time I saw the movie I was sitting between STY and the very devious Nomness who, at one point, whispered in her adorable, lilting Irish accent, "Falkor" the first time the wolves came onto the screen. Annnnd I fucking couldn't stop laughing. Though, in retrospect, the wolves actually look more similar to the wolf-dude in The Never Ending Story, who scared the pants off me when I was a little kid. And yes, I realize that I just said the CGI of the wolves was good and then promptly compared it to a movie filmed in 1984. Sue me, it was still good.
The humans - The humans were hysterical. Mike Newton was dorky and awkward and I can't tell you how awesome I think Anna Kendrick is as Jessica. She nails that character (and not in the dirty way, either). I am so impressed with her. The scene where Jessica and Bella are in Port Angeles, and Jessica is being a very typical self-absorbed snotty little teen-aged shithead made me choke on my whiskey the first time I saw it. And Billy Burke, as always, is the star of the movie for me. I absolutely love and adore the way he portrays Charlie.
On a side note - did anyone else notice that Bella tells Charlie to "be careful" in both movies and he responds "always am" each time?
I liked the fact that the humans provided a sort of comic relief and thought it was a good balance to the uber depressed Bella and the holy-fucking-shit-am-I-emo Edward. Not saying either character was bad, but the humans provided a nice little breath of fresh air. Or sunshine. Without the sparkle. Er, whatever.
The Wolf Pack - I have to say I was impressed with these half-naked tan dudes. They did well - and looked, um, yummy doing it. I had my reservations about the actors in the wolf pack but I was suitably impressed. Oh, and the wolf tattoo? Totes looks like a va-jay-jay. Just sayin' [thanks Nomness for pointing this out, too.]
A few of my favorite scenes:
Jasper goes apeshit over the papercut - Dudes. Edward totally didn't need to fucking clothesline Bella into the glass table but he did and it made the whole scene that much better because it would have been pretty lame. All in all, I totally dug crazy, violent Jasper. Mainly because he's much better than the usual I-have-to-poop-but-can't Jasper.
October-November-December - I am not a crier. I laugh at silver-screen violence and chuckle at people's failure and despair in movies because I'm a fucking douche. I totally cried at this scene. All three times I saw it. First of all, I love the simplicity of this scene. I love how the seasons change outside the window and how one photo disappears from the wall after each rotation of the camera. It's such a subtle scene but so poignant. Like the book, I really felt Bella's loss and emptiness.
I was hoping the Lykke Li song was going to be included in this scene and was so happy when it was because I thought it was so suitable and haunting.
The Meadow - I know some people hated it, but I thought it was very symbolic that when Bella found the meadow, everything was dead. I thought it was a nice parallel to how Bella felt. Every now and again I'm sensitive like that. Don't worry, it's not permanent.
I know I'm jumping around here but I'm trying to keep my train of thought. The next scene that I thought was amazing was the scene with Victoria. It was honestly the last place I thought I would hear "Hearing Damage" but that song ultimately felt perfect for that scene. I loved how feral, sexy and formidable Victoria was and just how perfect the wolf chase scene turned out to be. As James would say, it was "visually dynamic".
And it sucks monkey tits that Rachelle Lefevre is not going to be in Eclipse. I can't imagine anyone else playing Victoria.
Bella smacking the shit out of Paul - 'Nuff said.
The Volturi fight scene - Yeah, yeah, I know it wasn't in the book but it sure as shit was awesome in the movie. I'm an action girl, I can't help myself. Speaking of the Volturi, I really thought all of them were really well cast, even the blond guy who played Caius and only said two words.
Now, on to the fun stuff. This is the WTF? scenes, the ones that were ridiculously or hokey or just plain stupid.
Shit that was just fucking annoying and stupid:
First of all, KStew does that weird head-shaking thing. Still. I was hoping she'd outgrow it but... well, I guess it's good to want things.
I know I'm being super picky and bitchy here but during one of the cafeteria scenes I swear that Angela is sporting a Bumpit. Whoever decided that should be fired immediately.
While I thought the makeup was much, much better in NM, I still want to fucking sucker punch whoever made all those wigs. Jasper's wig was just so absurd I chuckled every time I saw it (plus he still looked like he needed to take a dump every scene he was in). Rosalie and Jacob's were not much better and I was thankful when Jacob finally chopped off his hair and got that vagina tattoo because his wig sucked.
"The Nipple" - You all know what I'm talking about. Edward's nipple has been the topic of conversation since the premiere and not in a good way, either. It's weird, gray, enlarged and I'm pretty sure I said, very loudly and in a packed theater of Twilight Moms, "What the fuck is up with his nipple?!" Or something like that.
Speaking of nipples, Nomness [anyone else seeing a pattern here? Mwah, I puffy heart you!!] leaned over and whispered, "Taylor Lautner has tiny nipples." Actually, she probably said something much more witty than that but I was still swimming in the evening's revelry [and some whiskey] and her comment made me laugh. Hard. Like so hard tears were streaming down my face and I could barely breathe because I was trying to do that spazzy quiet laugh that never seems to work. And STY started squeezing my hand and hissing at me to shut the fuck up but every time Jacob and his itty bitty nips came on the screen I started giggling again.
Alice's Blue Coat - The first scene of Alice had me a little perplexed because the wardrobe choice reminded me of something ridiculous but I couldn't quite place it. Until Nomness muttered something about "Little Lord Fauntleroy", that is. Then it made perfect sense.
Actually, I found every outfit Alice wore in this movie to be a little odd. With the exception of the birthday party, she looked like she was wearing a fancy sack. I haven't read the movie companion book yet so maybe there is a reason for this but I found it a little odd.
THE ALICE VISION - This deserves all caps, bold font, whatever because WHAT THE FUCK WAS UP WITH THAT? When the hell did Edward and Bella suddenly become The Sound of Music? I don't care how hardcore a vampire is, if I saw those two prancing like that in the woods with those ridiculous get-ups and sparkling no less, I'd fucking laugh my ass off.
Seriously. I wouldn't have been surprised if they broke into song and little birdies started following them, chirping the chorus. Needless to say, the vision was an epic fail.
That's it. For now, anyway. STY will be posting her two cents today as well and I'm sure we'll have some follow up posts the next time we watch it.
I can't decide if I like this better than Twilight. Jury is still out on that one...