Saturday, November 28, 2009

Jenny Jerkface's New Moon Critique - Spoilers

[For those of you that saw this post last night, I, er, accidentally hit publish instead of "I'm not finished but save now" button... Sorry!]

We considered doing two separate posts for our New Moon critique but decided that there would probably be a lot of redundancy, since STY and I appear to be morphing into the same person, which is a terrifying prospect that probably deserves it's own post.

This is almost us. Seriously.

And then we realized that we aren't fully morphed yet and decided to take advantage of it by doing our own critiques anyway.

Anyhoo. We've now seen New Moon three times and figured we've given most of you long enough to see it at least once. I apologize if this is a tad choppy but I'm furiously trying to write this and decipher the shittiest notes I've ever written in the dark at the same time. Obviously, it's not working out too well and I'm probably missing key points I wanted to address. Oh well, guess I'll just have to go and watch the movie again...

The Volturi like a silly platypus? WTF?

Overall, I really enjoyed it. I felt the CGI, cinematography and overall color and feel of this film was much more polished than Twilight. I know Catherine Hardwicke had some artistic reason for making Twilight a hazy gray but I forget what it was and I like Chris Weitz's dark, deep colors better. So there.

So, without further ado, here are my likes and dislikes of New Moon.


The CGI in general - no longer do we have ridiculously sped up vampires and THANK FUCKING OME that there wasn't a single "spider-monkey-get-on-my-back" scene in this movie because I hated that and thought it looked l-a-m-e and corny.

The Wolves - the first time I saw the movie I was sitting between STY and the very devious Nomness who, at one point, whispered in her adorable, lilting Irish accent, "Falkor" the first time the wolves came onto the screen. Annnnd I fucking couldn't stop laughing. Though, in retrospect, the wolves actually look more similar to the wolf-dude in The Never Ending Story, who scared the pants off me when I was a little kid. And yes, I realize that I just said the CGI of the wolves was good and then promptly compared it to a movie filmed in 1984. Sue me, it was still good.

Wolf-dude from The Never Ending Story

The humans - The humans were hysterical. Mike Newton was dorky and awkward and I can't tell you how awesome I think Anna Kendrick is as Jessica. She nails that character (and not in the dirty way, either). I am so impressed with her. The scene where Jessica and Bella are in Port Angeles, and Jessica is being a very typical self-absorbed snotty little teen-aged shithead made me choke on my whiskey the first time I saw it. And Billy Burke, as always, is the star of the movie for me. I absolutely love and adore the way he portrays Charlie.

On a side note - did anyone else notice that Bella tells Charlie to "be careful" in both movies and he responds "always am" each time?

I liked the fact that the humans provided a sort of comic relief and thought it was a good balance to the uber depressed Bella and the holy-fucking-shit-am-I-emo Edward. Not saying either character was bad, but the humans provided a nice little breath of fresh air. Or sunshine. Without the sparkle. Er, whatever.

The Wolf Pack - I have to say I was impressed with these half-naked tan dudes. They did well - and looked, um, yummy doing it. I had my reservations about the actors in the wolf pack but I was suitably impressed. Oh, and the wolf tattoo? Totes looks like a va-jay-jay. Just sayin' [thanks Nomness for pointing this out, too.]

I'm sorry but I totally see a clitoris. And it's big.

A few of my favorite scenes:

Jasper goes apeshit over the papercut - Dudes. Edward totally didn't need to fucking clothesline Bella into the glass table but he did and it made the whole scene that much better because it would have been pretty lame. All in all, I totally dug crazy, violent Jasper. Mainly because he's much better than the usual I-have-to-poop-but-can't Jasper.

October-November-December - I am not a crier. I laugh at silver-screen violence and chuckle at people's failure and despair in movies because I'm a fucking douche. I totally cried at this scene. All three times I saw it. First of all, I love the simplicity of this scene. I love how the seasons change outside the window and how one photo disappears from the wall after each rotation of the camera. It's such a subtle scene but so poignant. Like the book, I really felt Bella's loss and emptiness.

I was hoping the Lykke Li song was going to be included in this scene and was so happy when it was because I thought it was so suitable and haunting.

The Meadow - I know some people hated it, but I thought it was very symbolic that when Bella found the meadow, everything was dead. I thought it was a nice parallel to how Bella felt. Every now and again I'm sensitive like that. Don't worry, it's not permanent.

I know I'm jumping around here but I'm trying to keep my train of thought. The next scene that I thought was amazing was the scene with Victoria. It was honestly the last place I thought I would hear "Hearing Damage" but that song ultimately felt perfect for that scene. I loved how feral, sexy and formidable Victoria was and just how perfect the wolf chase scene turned out to be. As James would say, it was "visually dynamic".

And it sucks monkey tits that Rachelle Lefevre is not going to be in Eclipse. I can't imagine anyone else playing Victoria.

Bella smacking the shit out of Paul - 'Nuff said.

Booooo-yeah! You go, girl. Oh, and you might want to run...

The Volturi fight scene - Yeah, yeah, I know it wasn't in the book but it sure as shit was awesome in the movie. I'm an action girl, I can't help myself. Speaking of the Volturi, I really thought all of them were really well cast, even the blond guy who played Caius and only said two words.

Now, on to the fun stuff. This is the WTF? scenes, the ones that were ridiculously or hokey or just plain stupid.

Shit that was just fucking annoying and stupid:

First of all, KStew does that weird head-shaking thing. Still. I was hoping she'd outgrow it but... well, I guess it's good to want things.

While I thought the makeup was much, much better in NM, I still want to fucking sucker punch whoever made all those wigs. Jasper's wig was just so absurd I chuckled every time I saw it (plus he still looked like he needed to take a dump every scene he was in). Rosalie and Jacob's were not much better and I was thankful when Jacob finally chopped off his hair and got that vagina tattoo because his wig sucked.

If this wig gets any bigger he'd be channeling Richard Simmons...

I know I'm being super picky and bitchy here but during one of the cafeteria scenes I swear that Angela is sporting a Bumpit. Whoever decided that should be fired immediately.

Ummm, yeah. She totally had one of these.

"The Nipple" - You all know what I'm talking about. Edward's nipple has been the topic of conversation since the premiere and not in a good way, either. It's weird, gray, enlarged and I'm pretty sure I said, very loudly and in a packed theater of Twilight Moms, "What the fuck is up with his nipple?!" Or something like that.

Speaking of nipples, Nomness [anyone else seeing a pattern here? Mwah, I puffy heart you!!] leaned over and whispered, "Taylor Lautner has tiny nipples." Actually, she probably said something much more witty than that but I was still swimming in the evening's revelry [and some whiskey] and her comment made me laugh. Hard. Like so hard tears were streaming down my face and I could barely breathe because I was trying to do that spazzy quiet laugh that never seems to work. And STY started squeezing my hand and hissing at me to shut the fuck up but every time Jacob and his itty bitty nips came on the screen I started giggling again.

Alice's Blue Coat - The first scene of Alice had me a little perplexed because the wardrobe choice reminded me of something ridiculous but I couldn't quite place it. Until Nomness muttered something about "Little Lord Fauntleroy", that is. Then it made perfect sense.

Actually, I found every outfit Alice wore in this movie to be a little odd. With the exception of the birthday party, she looked like she was wearing a fancy sack. I haven't read the movie companion book yet so maybe there is a reason for this but I found it a little odd.

THE ALICE VISION - This deserves all caps, bold font, whatever because WHAT THE FUCK WAS UP WITH THAT? When the hell did Edward and Bella suddenly become The Sound of Music? I don't care how hardcore a vampire is, if I saw those two prancing like that in the woods with those ridiculous get-ups and sparkling no less, I'd fucking laugh my ass off.

What. The. Fuck. Is. This. Bullshit. Kittens will be punished for this vision. Mercilessly.

Seriously. I wouldn't have been surprised if they broke into song and little birdies started following them, chirping the chorus. Needless to say, the vision was an epic fail.

That's it. For now, anyway. STY will be posting her two cents today as well and I'm sure we'll have some follow up posts the next time we watch it.

I can't decide if I like this better than Twilight. Jury is still out on that one...


  1. I totes agree with every word in your post.
    LMAO at the "man/chick" part b/c it's sooooo true.

    I've only seen the movie once (totally in the closet here, and can't find another reason to escape and see it again), so I didn't pick up on the photos on the wall of Bella's room disappearing.

    I NEED to see this movie again!!!!
    P.S.-There is nothing, and I mean nothing, I wouldn't do for Chris W!

  2. I agree with everything you said. Ive seen the movie twice in theaters and Im a bad person and found a bootleg Anywoo...

    did you notice in the birthday scene that Alice's choker isnt on her when Bella comes down the stairs and when she leaves with Jasper, she has it on...Lol

  3. I've seen it 3 times now too and I pretty much agree with you except I didn't find the October/November/December scene as powerful as it could have been. I think this is actually *my* fault in some ways because I held off from listening to the soundtrack before watching the film (I didn't want to already build connotations to the songs, but it actually would have helped). I think for the uninitiated the Lykke Li song didn't work as it could have, because if you haven't heard it before, the repeated opening line seems too optimistic and twee.

    Apart from that though, I agree: the humans were an utter delight. I loved both movie-going scenes (and all the 'face punch' stuff! lol). The wolves were adorable (if a little paunchier than I expected).

    Hearing Damage was best use of music in the entire film.

    What about your dislikes though? didn't you think the ending was a little rushed - the book, for instance describes Bella waking up in Edward's embrace, and the gulp-inducing line at one point "I could feel his marble body against every line of mine" -- where the hell was that crucial bit?!?

    didn't you LOL at the Ralph Lauren beige-ified Alice vision?

    overall though the dialogue and acting were 10 steps up from Twilight, and I shall happily see it a fourth time.

  4. I'm so onboard with you on this review, especially

    "When the hell did Edward and Bella suddenly become The Sound of Music?"

    Yeah....WTF is up with little vest and khakis?

    I could go on....but oh well....

  5. I totally agree with the forest shit and edward and bella running through it looking way stupid, I mean he still looks hawt, the guy can't help it and I din't care if he had a grey nipple, I'd suck the fucker pink again. Oh yes i would!
    Taylor can go suck his own nipples well maybe I'd tweek em.
    The wigs, hmm I had a better one at halloween and mine was made of shiny shit!!! All in all I totally agree with your comments and I love you all and goodnight-the vodka's kicking in!

  6. @ lisa I wasn't crazy about the oct/nov/dec scene either. I thought about it and I think it's because the whole changing of the seasons outside the windows obviously took a lot of work to create, and visually there is a lot going on. Where as in the book it's so so so simple.

    And come on... you guys didn't picture Edward and Bella prancing around in the woods like that when you read Breaking Dawn? *smirk*

  7. @Confessor-LOL I pictured lots of covorting in the woods sexual wise but i have a really dirty mind and it didn't involve Bella either hahahahaha

  8. Totes agree with you on all of this - especially the "sound of music" randomness! I think it's the running that makes me go "WTF?!" - if they'd just've been strolling together, then fine - and I love the flash-forward to vamp-Bella!
    Love LOVE LOOOVE Victoria in the woods - maybe my fave bit of the entire thing... apart from human awesomeness!
    I also noted Charlie's "always am" but can't wait to rewatch for the missing photos during the months!
    And What. The. FUCK! was up with Alice's wardrobe?!
    - Lorabell :D

  9. seriously, it's like you're in my head, this is pretty much half the list I have sorta worked up in my blogger draft ... lol!!!

    EVERY time I see the sound of music running scene, I giggle, I can't help it, I don't even terribly mind the scene, but, it makes me giggle so hard, not laugh, no, giggle, like I'm not coming across like I'm 12 quite enough!

  10. Have I read too much FF or do they totally almost do it in the woods when they're running after Bella's change and she's in the blue dress? These two look like they'd reach for the hand sanitizer right away if they accidentally touched.

  11. I agree with everything you said except for Alice's vision. I don't know if they meant it to be funny but I thought that scene was hilarious. It's so Alice to picture others in those ridiculous get ups. I did expect little birds ala cinderella to start sing (cinderellie cinderellie night and day it's cinderellie) I personally love it because it gave me some comic relief. Oh yeah and what the fuck was up with Taylor's nipples?

  12. Totally agree with most of your comments about the movie. And since I previously heard about the tiny nipples, that's all I could focus on when I saw it yesterday. He has mini-nipples!! HA!

    Loved the Oct/Nov/Dec scene - and sobbed like a fucking baby!!

    Think Billy Burke is the perfect Charlie. LOVE him!

    So glad they actually made Victoria's hair red... hello?!

    One of my favorite lines was when Alice said she'd come back "Right after you put the dog out!" I loved that!!

    You do have to admit there was significantly less stuttering and twitching from Bella/KStew.

    And was it just me or did you think Edward/RPattz looked quite often like he had a stick lodged firmly up his ass. Too stiff at times. And not the good stiff...

    Can't wait to read STY's 2 cents!

  13. Totes agree with you on everything! WTF with the Disney/Sound of Music cavorting through the woods?! In BD, she wants to do the deed but they decide to go back to the house instead. Poor Jackson and the terrible wig and the constipated look on his face! Do we dare hope it will be fixed in Eclipse? I liked the colors better in this one too. The light was more golden and they all looked better. Robward was completely yummy; the ending, which I love in the book, is too rushed but I guess he didn't want to make a movie that people would sleep through parts of. CW is defs a Twilight deity!

    v/w: achotett - I achotett to attack Robward, but in a good way.

  14. Um - do we share a brain too? I'm I your Canadian doppleganger? (although I suspect I'm a tad taller)

    Anywho, I agree - with almost everything. The Oct-Nov-Dec scene was my fav part (I'm talking about non-Eddie scenes). Bloody brillant! Alice's coat - is that a fucking painting smock? Does she have a vampiric (is that even a word?) of leprosy? Her 'vision' totes sucked big hairy donkey balls.

    I think some the CGI was squidgy at times though (the wave? anyone?). And felt like telling some of the wolf pack to suck in their tiny gut (am I the only one that saw? anyone? anyone? bueller?) I can appreciate the dead-ness of the meadow - but could they not have put down the astroturf for some flash back scenes? It still looked too dead to have giant flowers sticking of it. And was it just me or did those flowers look like they were from Michaels?

    I think New Moon was better.

    Looking forward to STY's review.

  15. Didn't notice Edward's nipple eyes didn't reach that far up! Holy low-rise pants!!

    Yeah....totally LOLed over the prancing in the woods....hated Bella's dress - so not her! But call me crazy (OK - you're crazy!) I liked Edward's preppy look!

    My favourite scenes were with the Voluri. I just LOVE Michael Sheen as Aro! Aro is just so smoooooooth....and sinister! Sheen had him DOWN!

    And how about Edward in Rio?? The look of absolute anguish on his face when he thinks Bella is heart went out to him and broke with him.

    Two things they missed that I wanted in:

    1) Edward's gift to Bella was a CD he made of his music - I thought that was a lovely and touching gift he gave her and all the moreso when he takes it away.

    2) Edward hides the pictures, the airline tickets (Carlisle and Esme's real gift) and his CD under the floorboards of Bella's room because he can't bring himself to really remove himself from her life permanently.

    And with all due respect to the "Robsten" fans (God, I hate that word!) I the only one who thought Kristen and Taylor had enough chemistry to build an nuclear bomb between them? Seriously! Made Bella and Edward seem like kissing cousins!


  16. I can't fucking edit my own shit. "I'm I"? Really? What the fuck was my brain doing there? Hm? Gah! Stupid brain.

    vw - undeessi. I'd like to undeessi Rob.

  17. Agree with every word. I hated Alice's outfits. Whoever designed that coat / Snuggie she wore in Volterra should be torn to pieces & burned. I cried during the Oct/Nov/Dec scene. But, my bitchosity returned in full force by the end of the movie & I laughed at the "You can't hurt each other without hurting me" line. It was so cheesy. I'm still dealing with my feelings on Taylor. He actually did a good job. A really good job. I can't come to terms with that.

  18. Seen the movie twice, and agree with all of your observations. I have a few of my own:

    I felt like we were cheated on the reunion scene, esp. with dad knocking on the door. They should have had the opportunity to have more back-and-forth, not just Edward saying, "I'm sorry". The next thing you know they are driving together as if the last nine months did not happen at all. I almost wonder if the studio insisted on more action (to appeal to the boys) and less narrative from the actual story line. Come on Summit, it's the gals who gave you all the money this last week...which brings me to the next point,

    NOT ENOUGH EDWARD - yeah, we know the book was light on him too, but still, it just wasn't enough, and his time on screen he was mostly pinched, mopey, frustrated. If Jasper looked like he needed to take a dump, Edward looked like he needed a blow job. Where was the cute boy from Twilight who was playful and actually smiled here and there? (Inviting her to baseball, again at the prom...) He came across as very wooden, but I blame Chris W. I hope RPattz doesn't take a beating on this just because this is what was called for. I think Chris W. could have done a better job for our boy, I really do.

    The Vulturi maked-up SUCKED! This is a major Hollywood motion picture, people! Why did Aro's makeup look like somethhing I did in high school? They also left out his hands, which were 3 shades darker than his face. Very very disappointing. The make-up people must also do the wigs, cause I agree the Jasper wig is a JOKE!

    I read somewhere that Chris W. was trying to have Bella look like the goddess Diana (the hunter) with her dress. When you look at it again it makes sense, but I still hated it too. They look like Stephenie dressed them (sorry Steph) - all sweet and innocent and conservative. We remember what they're up to once she becomes a vamp -- she would NOT have dressed like that.

    THE NIPPLE - this is why I love you guys. I absolutely noticed the weird nipple on Edward also. WTF?! Makeup gone wrong? (Entirely possible). Who knows.

    Hated Alice's dress in Italy - looked like a cheap bag dress from H&M or something.

    Thought Taylor's acting was great - didn't know he had it in him. I'll look for the tiny nips when I get the DVD.

    Looking forward to Eclipse - my favorite book of the 4.

  19. @JJ - a BIG Y.E.S. to your comment "On a side note - did anyone else notice that Bella tells Charlie to "be careful" in both movies and he responds "always am" each time?" I actually squeed at it!

    I really enjoyed watching Rob and Kristen's love between Edward and Bella. All the smiles, kisses, sarcasm and jokes they shared in New Moon is what I missed in Twilight. Seriously missed in Twilight. I could have actually had a bit more in New Moon. I only hope we see more of it in Eclipse...with some sex. Yes, I definitely want to see the leg hitch and hot hot kissing and touching in Eclipse.

    I liked the entire movie - everyone did a great job: acting and production! There were very very few moments when I was taken out "of the moment" and thought WTF. One of those scenes was definitely the Alice vision scene. BUT, then I saw Bella's eyes and her sparkle and got all excited for Breaking Dawn.

    The other WTF moments were the same as JJ's. The WTF nipple and Alice's horrible wardrobe.

    But back to the awesomeness of the movie. I walked out of New Moon feeling the way I wanted to feel walking out of Twilight. Last year I walked out of Twilight feeling confused. This year, I walked out of New Moon feeling elated.

    Without a doubt, I enjoy New Moon WAY MORE than Twilight.

  20. More thoughts on Edward/RPattz...I understand Edward is in a bad place in New Moon, and therefore not going to be all light and happy, but STILL...I felt like RPattz had the opportunity to show some depth in his performance through his struggle and sadness. In the breakup scene, there was no underlying heartbreak - just tension and bitchiness. I felt like Edward's parts in the movie were rushed, and with more time and better direction he would have come across better.

    As for KStew in the breakup scene, anybody out there want TEARS?! I sure did. WTF? Again, this is Hollywood - if she couldn't produce on her own, you'd think a little onion spray to get her started wouldn't be against the rules -- would have made it much more realistic than her running through the woods going, "Edward! Edward! Edward!" like a bird.

    OK, I'm done. I need to get a life. Sheesh!

  21. Finally! You hit the nail on the head in your review of The Alice Vision!

  22. I really think the nipple was simply chest hair covered in makeup. One of rob's nipples is hairier than the other, but the body make up on it made it look a bit weird.

    @ TOTwicat "hello low-rise pants" indeed. I chose to focus on Robward's more southern regions rather than the grey nipple. Robward happytrail= bliss.

  23. Yes yes yes! You were dead on about everything, picking up on much more than I did. I completely missed the Nipple-gate on both Rob and Taylor, tho I've seen NM twice now (so far). Might squeeze in a 3rd showing before DVD.

    HATED Alice's vision, it ruins the pacing of the Volturi scene completely. And Bella (from the books anyway) wouldn't be caught DEAD in a dress like that, ever. She could barely stand to dress up for....well, I guess I shouldn't say in case there's some poor schmuck reading this blog who actually hasn't memorized all four books like I have. Edward is all about khakis and plain shirts or sweaters (what's up with the vest?), and Bella is jeans and stretch cotton. Nuff said.

    I'll say again I was dissapointed in the end of the movie, I agree it felt rushed and we missed out on plot points and lines from the book. I wanted something from the plane either to or from Italy, or both, and more of Edward and Bella post Italy and pre-Cullen house for the vote. I also thought the standing up in the LR vote sucked eggs -- what happened to the dining room conference table? Would have been a much better and more dramatic scene, providing opps for more close ups.

    Hated Jasper's stupid wig, and Alice's overdone clothing. And WTF was up with Alice vaulting over the railing in the midst of the crowd during school? Um, can you at least act human? We are in school after all, there are about 50 people walking by....

    Overall, I LOVED NM with a strong, randy passion. I think the special effects pretty much rocked, and also loved Rachel as Victoria. Great music, but I couldn't understand why Edward was wearing all black and such formal clothing all the time. did he go on What Not To Wear between Twi and NM? He's had a makeover. maybe Alice got to him??? I liked the more casual Edward better, it looked more normal. And I miss the silver volvo. WTF, why a new car??

    I'll watch is 10 million times just to follow the happy trail down Rob's tummy to the dark and happy places I know are hiding underneath those wool slacks tho. I'll prob wear out the DVD. Sigh, I can't wait! ;)

  24. I didn't cry at any of the Edward/Bella parts, but I cried at the end when Bella tells Jake not to make her choose. he whispers "Bella..." and my heart just freaking BREAKS. I thought it was done so well.
    Then again, I'm completely Team Jacob. So while I totally agree with most of your favorites, JJ, I'd substitute the 'months passing' scene with that one.
    Also...LOVE Charlie Bewley and Daniel Cudmore (Demetri and Felix). I know they had small parts but I don't think they get enough credit.

  25. Jenny...I agree with everything you said. I LOVED this WAY more than Twilight. Can't wait to see it again.

  26. 1) Taylor has really ugly fingers.

    2) They really messed up Rob's chest in the final edit. And his makeup sucked! (check out his face vs. his chest once Bella pushes him inside.)

    3) I liked Twilight better.

    4) I'm suffering from post-promo withdrawal and spent Thursday wondering if Rob was at Kristen's enjoying his first Thanksgiving.

  27. Ladies, you make me laugh so much...

    Now, dont throw me out of the blog but I have NOT seen the movie yet.
    I would not go to the cinemas with 1000's of mexican teenagers being overly dramatic. I would have committed serious injury and in this country you have to prove your innocence and that would be hard to do with bloodied teenagers lying in heaps beside me.
    My DH, thought he would do the next best thing and picked up an illegal copy. Unfortunately it was in spanish with Edwards voice sounding like it was coming from a deep well and Bella's sounded like a lusty barbie doll, and the camera man was eating popcorn while filming (LOL)... I could not take it, so I decided to wait and perhaps I will have the joy of watching is soon...(yeah right)
    However, I am used to waiting for things I want, maybe I can still catch it is April up in Canada.
    But until then, I am living vicariously through all of you...

  28. when i read the nipple comment, i almost choked on my own saliva!
    i'm glad someone else noticed it because, to me, it was VERY DISTRACTING.

    i think that the "hearing damage"/victoria chase scene is my favorite in the whole film. this surprised and delighted me.

    now, i have been a hardcore team edward girl since the beginning, i have at least one sexual daydream about rob a day, and i'm still team book edward...but this film has me leaning slightly towards team movie jacob. kristen and taylor have such unexpected, great chemistry.

    i had to go see new moon by myself because all my friends think i'm insane for liking twilight, but i loved the movie, and i'll be seeing it again this week. condescending friends be damned!

  29. 9 cents for what it's worth.....SPOILERS (duh!)
    1. I did think Kristen twitched less, how could you possibly twitch more, so that was good.
    2. The humans rocked....
    3. The wolf pack was not bad, making me really excited for eclipse....
    4. I loved Alice's clothes....for Alice....I think she is supposed to be quirky and over the top, I feel Rosalie is the glam one.
    5. The wigs.....good fucking grief.....I think that maybe this is all a ploy to keep the hotness of Jackson.....makes me very worried for Bella's wig in eclipse.
    6. Bella's depression - loved
    7. I loved Victoria, which just made me are they ever going to pull this off?
    8. Jacob and Bella were cute and believable
    9. I agree....the whole end was RUSHED.....all of a sudden we are back, and then Jacob is in the road and then he runs off and Edward thinks that might be a good spot / time to propose.....huh?

    I say we do a countdown until the video / extras release instead of an immediate countdown to Eclipse....maybe that will help pass the time? Anyone know when video release is? Or has that even been determined?

  30. whoops...forgot two, so I guess that makes it 11 cents....

    10. Volturi - so funny...I'm glad that they were able to convey the bad guys yet still kinda the good guys at the same time.
    11. Alice's vision - how is that Kristen can run more masculinely (is this a word?) than Rob......painful....
    ok, for reals done

  31. I heard an old actor (I think it was Richard Burton) say that if you see a movie where you think the male lead is off his game, it means he's banging his co-star. Let's just say, there was no chemistry between Rob and Kristen in this film, in my opinion. Guess all the Robsten speculators are right. If I hadn't read the books, I would be Team Jacob based on the movies. Palpable sexual tension, there. Summit was right to insist that there be no dating, too bad their rule didn't work. That said, I still loved New Moon! So much better than Twilight, even with the chubby wolves and wonky nipples. Visually, just so much better. Not as many cringe-inducing lines, either.

  32. OMG!!!! when we went the 2nd time, my bestie's hubs (who went with us, in Chucks...he's a huge fan!) immediately said "Sam looked like the thing from the NEverending Story!" So when we got home, he of course googled it.... and yep, glad we're not the only ones who think so!!

    @Robs Bitch - OMG I totally thought the same thing about Taylor's fingers, specifically his nails. Ew.
    And I also was praying (yep, I am Robstenite, don't hate me ladies!) that he spent THursday knuckle-deeping The Stew's apple pie. Good lord they both deserve some time off & privacy.

    As ever, JJ & STY, spot on post :) Love you ladies hard.

    PS - veriword is STROGING. Sounds kinda dirty, yes?

  33. Great Blog JJ and STY! I just got introduced to it about a week ago and I've pretty much read all of your postings! You two are hilarious!! Now onto my thoughts of NM...
    While watching the scene where we're introduced to the werewolves at the meadow... I whispered to my sister (a fellow twitard!),"it's the NOTHING." (the wolf you mentioned). We both could not stop giggling! That was all I could think of for the rest of the movie. lol! How come no one has mentioned the size of the werewolves?! Was I the only one who thought they were far too LARGE! While reading the books, I always pictured normal size wolves, NOT ginormous wolves on steroids...

    All in all, I think NM was waaaaay better than Twilight and I can't wait to see it again!!! :)

  34. I saw NM again yesterday ( #2) for me. I watched the nipple to see what the comotion was all about. Seems his left side is hairier than the right and the makeup and lighting makes it look weird. Thats my opinion.

    So theres his flaw......maybe thats why he runs around in 2 to 3 shirts all the time.

  35. Just dragged the S/O to see it for my second time yesterday... and I liked it a LOT more the 2nd time (could have been because I didn't have snarksters behind me the whole time like my first viewing... no offense STY/JJ;))

    Here's my thoughts on "the nipple" - I think they did the fight seen first and he has a terrible bruise... but yikes - I couldn't look anywhere else.

    My major likes:
    1. The development of B/J's relationship - time elapsed with the bike with occasional convos.
    2. The "dead months" - I also thought they did a good job making you feel the depths of the depression - I didn't catch the picture thing, so I'll have to watch that on the 3rd round
    3. The e-mails to Alice - what a great way to get some of Bella's thoughts out without just making them straight voice-overs
    4. CHARLIE and Jessica! Holy cow - scene stealers in the best way!

    Major dislikes:
    1. Your focus is on Jasper's bad wig? I didn't think his hair was bad, actually - it was Rosalie's that reminded me of one of those "make-up" Barbie heads - could it have been more plastic-y? Were they seriously worried about the budget that they couldn't spring for better wigs. The free wigs they give to chemo patients are better.
    2. The make-up! There was caked white on E's hands at one point and what is with his pink lip gloss? I get it - they are supposed to be prominent - but do they have to be so dang shiny? Is he borrowing Bella's lip gloss? And why the hell doesn't he have color on them when he's with the Volturi?! He's not supposed to change - ever. Purple under the eyes and black instead of amber eyes are the only things that are ever mentioned as changes.
    3. Over angsty-couple. Could they at least seem a little happier together at the very beginning?! I was having a hard time believing it was a relationship worth much.
    4. I agree with many of the people above - I wanted the scene after they returned from Volterra to be a little bit more. Her thinking it was a dream, etc - 1) it's funny and enduring in terms of Bella, 2) Edward's a little more aware of how much he royally f'd up.
    5. Reunion scene with Alice could have been a bit more too
    6. Alice's outfits are TERRIBLE. It's supposedly a Michael Kors jacket she's wearing in Italy - makes his comments on Project Runway less relevant to me all of a sudden. Quirky is fine - I had a friend that wore weird shit - but it still looked good - that just looked like she was seeing how many things she could put on from her closet at anyone time.
    7. Laurent's accent - wtf?

    Overall, so much better than Twilight - though some lines were still delivered in cringe-worthy fashion. I'm dying for Eclipse - though there better be a lot more chemistry b/w B/E on the next one.

  36. I loved it! I've only seen it once and can't wait to see it again. I didn't like Alice's clothes, nor the wigs. Die over shirtless Edward and his anguish. Love Victoria's scenes (so sad she won't be in Eclipse) and Volturi scenes. Humans were great - Charlie is the best! I did feel rushed toward the end. Can't wait for DVD extras.


  37. ha! I noticed the "always am" line from Billy too. Nothing goes undetected when you are twitarded!
    I've already made up my mind. I loved NM much more than the Twilight movie. It's sad, but true. I had way more complaints about the 1st one than the 2nd one.
    Speaking of complaints. So, you know Alice's vision? Well, I'm going to admit that I didn't laugh at it. In fact, the first time I saw it I sat still and watched seriously as they frolicked. The 2nd time after noticing people laughed at it, I just sunk down into my seat LOL

  38. oh yeah, I got so excited I posted my comment before I was done.
    I'm surprised Ashley didn't have something to say about Alice's outfits. I liked her b-day party dress and maybe when she comes back, but that's it. argh.
    Rob's nipple. *sigh* someone behind me actually had the nerve to say "oh god that's disgusting". Listen, I don't care if the man has acne all over his back, he's still hot!
    And yes, the oct-nov-dec scene got loads of tears from me.

  39. Definitely late to the party with my comments so I will just say that I agreed with almost everything you said, JJ, and I enjoyed skimming through everyone's follow-up comments, as well. We are nothing if not passionate about our obsession :)

    @TO Twicat - Your post had me slapping my forehead and saying, "Duh!" On my drive home from the midnight screening, my friend and I were talking about what we liked and disliked about the movie and one of the things I said I was disappointed in was Bella not opening up Edward's birthday present (the CD he made for her of his music). And, yes, it definitely would added something to the scene if they'd had him hide the "memories" under the floorboards in Bella's room. Thanks for reminding me. I knew there'd be some I forgot in my post, but this is a biggie.

    17 Forever

  40. Great review. The only thing I have to say that is a bit different is that I LOVED Bella & Jacob's chemistry. When I read the book (the first time), I missed Edward SO much that I couldn't stand it. Jacob & his hotness did such a great job in the movie, that (sorry) I didn't even miss Edward. I also cried at the time passage scene - very well done - you could really feel her pain. ALso, no one mentioned the contact lenses. I thought the sublte contacts in Twilight were better - after all, they are supposed to kind of 'blend in' with humans. Don't think that is realistic with these intense colored contacts. I didn't notice, but I'm sure Heidi had to have the same red eyes as the Volturi & I can't imagine anyone going with someone that looked like that. Just saying...
    Now if I could just come up with a 'sane' (read- I have no other 'my friend needs someone to go with' excuses) reason to see it for the 3rd time.....oh, and Edward's sexy noises during the birthday - SO fucking SEXY! I could just imagine the noises he makes during sex - hmmmm.

  41. Sorry - meant to say during the birthday KISS, but I'm a retard apparently.

  42. @Sabrina - no you're just a TWI-tard!! LOL Weee - aren't we all?!

  43. @sabrina- S'okay we all knew what you meant. I too have a serious case of Cannot-fucking-edit-a-god-damn-word-that-I-write-before-I-post-itis.

  44. ditto on all
    - cept for the "humans". I thought they were a bunch of tards (even more so than in Twilight) and now I know why Bella is attracted to monsters and not her classmates.
    -and cept for October-November-December. I did like the look of that scene...minus the song. It makes me think of Elmer Fudd on helium is singing.

    Don't forget Edward's Kool Aid

    I still don't know if I liked it better than Twilight but I did like it overall. Seeing it again tomorrow.

  45. Oh, come can you forget the flying pizza slice from Bella's hand turning into a wrench by the time it reaches Jacob by the motorcycle...WTF was that?? So lame...I couldn't stop laughing at that one! Otherwise, I loved the movie and thought it captured the jist of the book! Love you gals!!

  46. @ Anonymous
    lol at the pizza-to-wrench transformation. I noticed that too, but think it was meant to be a cute montage (see Team America: World Police) to show passage of time/bikes being built/development of J&B's relationship. After the 3rd time I came to see that whole sequence as 'cute'.

    w/v: sconpol. Not sure what that is, but it sounds bit dirty and so I wanna lick rob's sconpol.

  47. Best line in the movie Bella telling Edward to " SHUT UP" loved it ! Finally showing some spunky backbone to him !!

  48. @Anonymous - I totally agree! Loved the "SHUT UP"!

  49. This comment has been removed by the author.

  50. @sabrina - When reading New Moon my sister pretty much skipped over all the Jacob part because she was pissed that Edward was gone. She thought the Bella and Jacob relationship in the movie was done so well (not to mention the eight-pack) that she was almost "Edward who??" at the end LOL

    I pretty much agree with the opinions already expressed. I would have really liked to see the reunion at the airport; that's one of my faves in the book. And I also think Edward having to convince Bella she wasn't dreaming should have been done as well.

  51. As for the wonky nipple, the website ROBsessed already came to a conclusion about what it was all about. I will try to post the link

    Basically, they conclude that it is supposed to be a scar from a vampire fight because he has a rip in his shirt over that nipple in an earlier scene in Volterra. They have photos that show Rob's actual nipple is not weird.

    And I agree, Alice's vision was definitely cringeworthy. Are they supposed to go back in time when Bella becomes a Vampire? They looked like they belonged with Laura Ingalls on the prairie.

  52. sorry but I think the nipple issue is just shadow and hair.

  53. OMG!!!!! The tattoo looks like a vagina!!!! LOLOL!!!! It totally does!! I agree with you ...on everything....

    I have to see it again, but I'm still pretty annoyed with the Stew's performance and the wigs/outfits. The vision...a total fail. Great review!

  54. confession time...gotta go back and read the post but I just got back from seeing nm for the 4TH time!! Gaaa!!! My name is Sharon and I am addicted to anything Twilight (to which you now reply, "Hi Sharon")
    Gotta stop now. We actually laughed at some of the movie this time so it's too much. I still have a hard time concentrating on any of the dialog when either Rob or Taylor are shirtless. (yes, the nipple is distracting but I just want to touch it to see what the deal is!)
    I am faaarrr to old for this shit. My six year old thinks I'm crazy. Gotta go make christmas cookies or wrap presents or something domestic now. (wait did I mention that I snuck a mini edward in the purchases yesterday at target?) Yep, mama is nuts!

  55. Just got back from seeing the movie for the third time, and yet again, the whole theatre laughed at Alice's lamespice vision! WTH?! I somehow don't think this scene was meant to induce laughs, and I'm glad I'm not the only one who hated it.

    Also, I never noticed any disappearing photos during the Oct-Nov-Dec scene, so I will keep my eyes peeled on my um, 4th viewing.

    Excellent review, JJ!

  56. 1st off all the nips on the pack were little - I think it was criteria for them to get the part. But they were hot so I can overlook small nips.

    I don't even want to discuss the other nip in the movie - I close my eyes when it comes on screen for the fear of the new nightmares I may have.

    Sam's wolf does look like Gmork from "The Neverending Story" - when he came out I was like "oh, shit the Nothing is coming."

    And the wigs - there is a serious shorter of folks of color in the wardrobe/makeup dept. in Hollywood, they could have found someone of color that could of schooled them on the weave department. Yes, as a woman of color I do realize there are many "pale" faces who utilize wigs and weaves but they obviously weren't hired for this movie. So I say come to Harlem and find someone who does this for a living and trust they would have done a much better job. It makes no since that those wigs look like Britney's tracks going along with her on her visit to Target.

  57. Hope you don't mind that I vear from the comments to this particular blog...but I'm on my 4th glass... and I need to share. I'm totally trolling the internet looking for my Rob fix...and all I want to do is lick the screen when I see him.

    Ok -- I've said my peace.

    w/v - "comid" Yes...I definitely need to be comid-ed.

  58. Woah--I am so freaking late to this party...and I was trying sooo hard to be on time....

    Well, I am not going to re-hash it all as I pretty much agree with JJ on everything. I will just give you some of my highlights good and bad....oh fuck who are we kidding you all know me and chances are my comment will be long because I am a wordy and opinionated beer:

    -I am soooooo thrilled for selfish reasons the the VitaminR can made it into three freaking scenes!!! I wooted out loud every time. (I also love that people told me they thought of me every time they saw the VitaminR!)


    -Best freaking scene was the "Hearing Damaged" scene--holy crap was that good. I now love that song...clearly I was not listening to it loud enough before. Now turned up on high in my car and visualizing that scene---love it. That scene alone gives CWeitz permanent DILF status in my book.

    -Alice's Vision--Chris, Chris, Chris why didn't you consult with me like I asked? TOTALLY would have done this differently. All they needed was a close-up of Bella's eyes in some vampy moment. Someone recommended it should have been Bella jumping the river right after she is changed--this would have been good. Hey Chris...If you do BD I will still be here me, kay?

    -Taycob impressed me....big time. The scene that got my heartstrings the most was the B/J (Ha! BJ--Ha!) break-up scene in the rain. Soooo good.

    -Loved the opening dream scene with Bella/Gran--brilliant.

    -Loved the "Possibility" scene soooooo much. Perfect. Heartbreaking.

    -I am sooooooooo sad they left out "The Epiphany" scene outside the Cullen house before the vote. First off it is one of my faves and so critical to Bella coming into her own and realizing that Edward loves her as much as she loves him. Secondly, that scene would have provided us another fanfreakingtastic make-out scene...Hello! I blame that edit on Melissa Whatsherface. Damn that makes me mad.

    -I can't even talk about the train wreck that is Jasper.

    -Nipplegate. To mess with perfection there needs to be some visual on what happened..and a tear in his shirt is NOT enough. I have gone back and looked at the filming photos and his nipples are perfect....again CW--call me next time...sheesh!

    -Loved the Volturi scene...Michael Sheen was amazing. Rob was freaking hot in a red robe with no shirt...good thing I saw it three times because I think it took me that many to really look at Aro and not the naked flesh in the background.

    -Loved the end.

    Overall, I loved it....and,for me, the jury did not even have to deliberate--I loved it WAY more than Twilight. In fact, I watched Twilight the other night and found that my tolerance has come down.

    So the big question is when do I get to go see it again?

  59. Loving the critique of JJ! Sound of Music lmao!!!

    Anyway, am I the only one loving (and bawling) Edward's look when he kissed Bella goodbye during the break-up scene? I thought it was really heart-breaking and showed how hard it was for Edward to leave Bella too.

    And Bella during the passing months--god, she was so dead it broke my heart.

    Seen NM only twice so I know I haven't absorbed everything yet.

    And oh yeah, I love Twitarded.

  60. I am never going to look at that wolfpack tattoo the same way again!

    Word veri: cluta - 'nuff said

  61. Yeah we had a whole cinema of laughing during the running scene. Although I stopped laughing momentarily when I saw Bella's vampire eyes and sparkles and got excited.....and then went back to laughing (hard) again. Hated the wiggery and am worrying for Kstew in Eclipse. Is it too much to ask for some decent wigs?? Really? Loved the contacts....loved the Edward line 'you can go to hell' (in fact I think I loved it a little TOO much). Loved Carlisle's 'I won't lose my son' line....but thought some scenes were a bit stilted and that the last 15 mins were totally rushed. More Volturi please....especially Sheen and Campbell-Bower. And as an English girl I was totally digging all the Brit actors...nice job boys.

  62. Saw the movie for the first time today---I'm pretty down. I guess I was expecting perfection but Melissa Rosenberg let me down AGAIN. Someone put a hit on her before Breaking Dawn, K???
    I agree with your call JJ, but didn't notice the nipple... now I'm going to have to do some research.

  63. Finally saw it too, last night. But I will have to see it at least one more time to fully appreciate it because the teens were fucking insane. Every time Robward appeared on the screen they fucking screamed their lungs off; the same when Jake takes off his shirt. And then they laughed at scenes that were not funny at all - like the breakup, and when Bella is floating. WTF?!

    Anyway, totally agree with everything JJ. I couldn't believe that ridiculous vision.
    And like others, I wish that they put in the scene on the plane or more of the conversation between Edward and Bella, and I also agree on the stand up vote not being good.

    With that said, I would just like to add, that I really liked that Victoria's hair was fiery red in NM. This really bugged me in Twilight. She's awesome, and I'm really going to miss Rachel in Eclipse.

  64. I've seen NM 3 times. I really, really loved it! I didn't like how cranberry red Edward's lips were in many of the scenes. They should have stuck to the lip shade from the Twilight movie. Also, Edward's eyes should definitely have been black in the last part of the movie (Volturi and on). And, would it kill any of the directors for Bella and Edward to cuddle when they're in her room. They do that a lot in the books. What is up with that? Edward should have been holding Bella when she woke up (after Italy). I also thought the music score was pretty lame. When Bella tells Jacob that she will always choose Edward, there's this really lame butterfly music in the background. What the hell was that? It was so silly and distracting from the scene for me. Can you imagine NM with Carter Burwell scoring the music like he did for Twilight? His music was so emotional and such a big part of Twilight. I hope David Slade asks him to do the music score for Eclipse. I did love the Thom Yorke song during the hunt for Victoria scene. That was excellent! I thought a lot of Alice's clothes looked like something my grandma would wear in the late 1980's. Her vision was so hokey. I loved the wolves and they were supposed to be obnoxiously big. They were way fucking cool! I love the badass growls when Jacobwolf and Paulwolf had their fight. That scene was awesome! I loved Jacob's 8-pack. I was way too distracted by Edwards happy trail to notice the deformed looking nip. I didn't notice Jacob's little nips, although I'm sure that will be all I'll be able to notice, until his abs distract me again. I am distraught now that my twi-addicted buddy has now switched from Team Edward to Team Jacob. WTH? She's now a 41 year old pedophile! She can't wait till February so she's not a pedo anymore - LOL. I did love, love, love New Moon. I will see it more as I can't get enough of the Edward/Bella/Jacob world.

  65. I can't believe that you are undecided about whether New Moon is better than Twilight!!!!!!! New Moon is 10x better than Twilight!!!! Not that I don't agree with your criticisms. Alice's vision was hilarious although I didn't notice Rob's nipples. The wolf pack tattoo does look like a vag...very creepy. Anyway I can't wait to see the movie again, I have already seen it twice. Oh and Jenny you are just hilarious :)

  66. THANK YOU! i was waiting for your review and i was so hoping that you didn't disappoint me by NOT ripping on this shit! my review on the imdb board is below. basically i'm 'a negative person' by posting it...but i mean COME ON..just becuz we love rob and twilight doesn't mean this crap should be overlooked!

    generally speaking...i have to say i liked it. it did what i expected and translated the book visually to the screen.

    i liked the first 2/3 of the movie. i didn't mind the wolves and their lack of clothes...i thought it fit (for those who read the book--if you didn't you'd be thinking WTF..)

    acting was greatly improved i thought. in reference to my earlier post regarding acting dimensions...i thought all 3 of them would MUCH better (well until the end...)

    however, i have to just draw attention to my many WTF moments (which i truly wish someone could explain to me..chris weitz pls PM with some logical explanations!):

    --the big picture: WHAT happened to the last third of the film? HELLO? Italy and the reunion? some of the best E/B parts of the book are her waiting to "have the talk" with him about why he left/ where he was/ and when he'd be leaving her again!!!! why did you cut that out? you just jumped to edward standing over her bed. that's it. the whole 8 months over. it ended the movie on a weird note (it was like they wanted to make sure everyone hated edward at the end. weird.) and the VERY end. i actually had to say: wait, that's it?

    --big picture 2: you never expanded on victoria enough to make the audience feel like there was a threat at all (i couldn't help thinking it was summit being childish about the rachelle thing...what, you have to cut her out so much it leaves a gaping whole in the movie?!?)

    --The Nit picking WTF Stuff: WHO WAS MAKING THE CALLS ON WARDROBE AND MAKEUP. and i'm not kidding. FIRE THEM. LIKE NOW:

    ALICE--that f-ing frock she wore in italy?! hello, SM goes on and on about her fashion sense. my grandma wouldn't even wear that!

    JASPER--i thought lainie was exaggerating about his hair. but honestly. COME ON.

    and more importantly:

    EDWARD--what the hell happened?! in twilight looked cool. in NM he was the epitome of the fashion faux pas. brown dorky shoes?! hello? the cotton sweater underneath the jacket in the final scenes?! and crucially--in that ridiculous scene where "snow white" bella was a vampire: what in god's name was he wearing?!?! he looked like he was going to a polo match or going to play croquet or something. jesus.

    --his lipstick. horrid. why was it shimmery?

    BELLA--honestly get that girl a decent bra.

    even in the last scene with the whole family...carlile's clothes, esme's clothes and goes on and on....

    i repeat: FIRE THAT PERSON it almost ruined the movie for me. i just don't get it. with some small obvious changes it would have been so much better. *sigh*

    sorry i just needed to vent a bit to you guys. but i was still happy to see it on screen. it needed to be 20 minutes longer to give some depth to the story and EXPLAIN things. and while you are at it: fire the editor too...i could've done better with my 5 yr old version of Pinnacle.

  67. @Anonymous - I think Edward was wearing those shoes as a reference to his old age. The same can be said for the clothes his wearing in that vision, but I thought the whole vision was like a fucking parody, it was soooo out there.

    Also, I seem to be the only one who liked that blue coat/shirt thing Alice was wearing.

    But I agree with a lot of the things you say - that there just needed to be more depth to E&B reunion. I was hoping to see that scene at airport when the Cullens come to meet them and thank Bella.

  68. I agree with almost everything you have said here, Great Review. However i have said it before over on Twipnotized and i will say it again. The soundtrack is PANTS. Holy Pants for that matter, actually i would go as far as saying skid mark stained pants (and i'm talking the UK pants as in underwear not trousers). The breakup scene and subsequently OCT/NOV/DEC scene left me bitterly disappointed.

    I won't repeat myself too much as i have blogged over on Twipnotized this morning but i will say other films have hit the emotional button much more than this did. Disney's Cars being one of them!!

  69. OK, just read an article by the costume designer for New Moon (who should be hanging her head in shame for putting that jacket on Alice in Italy--seriously, it looked like a souvenier from Mexico--but I digress) and she said the rip in Rob's shirt over the left chest was "symbolic" for his broken heart or something like that. So that blows ROBsessed's theory of a scar causing the nipple "irregularity". I guess Nipplegate continues...

    Seriously, if it was hair causing the weirdness, couldn't they have shaved it a little? If we can see it surely they did during filming.

    Still, attached to that body, I wouldn't kick that nipple out of bed!

    And thanks for pointing out the tattoo looks like a va-jay-jay, I will never be able to see the wolfpack without giggling!

  70. Late as usual...

    When I left the movie the things that stuck with me where:
    - Alice's hair: it's so much better in Twilight.
    - Victoria's clothes: want them! Bad!
    - The running in the forest scene: What the FUCK? And I have to say that the audience behaved really well and there was a colective laugh at the scene at how ridiculous it looks!
    - The wolfs: yummy. Colective *gasp* when Jacob first take is t-shirt of.
    -Robert Pattinson: I was impressed because, for me, I could see entire paragraphs of the book being played in his facials expressions. I really liked it.
    -The Volturi: this I already knew before seeing the movie but I picture Aro and Marcus a lot younger and prettier than this. For me, they should look more like Carlisle and about the same age, something like 20-ish. There was talk that Ben Barnes was going to play Aro. I think it was more along that line of beauty for me.

    I love the movie; going to see it again as soon as I can.
    There was about a 60/40 division between females/males at the cinema. :) All really quiet. It was nice.

    On an end note, I have to share this with you girls. I can't wait to see (if/when they decide to film it) how are they going to get Robert Pattinson to speak portuguese in Breaking Dawn. It's actually brazilian, which is easier because it's more musical than portugues, but still... I volunteer to help. It takes loooots of pratice and studying and dedication and time... *sigh*

  71. Ah, also love the way Charlie teases Bella on her Birthday.

    (I know I'm going to remember more as the day goes on)

  72. Oh, and of course there was a huuuge *gasp* followed by a big *sigh* and moans when Edward appears shirtless.
    I think some moms finally added up why their daughters love Twilight/Edward/Robert Pattinson so much.

  73. And I could I forget???!!!! I think I'm in denial...
    HOW COULD they change the VOLVO! HOW???!!!
    Never, in the books, those she mention a change in the volvo! How could they! Argh!
    They say it's still siver; dark, dark, almost black silver. How??
    Volvo must have offered some serious money so summit would advertise a different model.

  74. I don't have the time this morn to read everyone's responses - but I'll be back later to read!

    Thanks for another Laugh at myself, the movie and just all of us!

    The one thing I think you left out (for me ) was the fucking eyes. HATE the NM eyes.. yeah like NOW Cullen's a freak..Those eyes left everyone red rimmed and expressionless. they just should have made one cyclops eye. That would have been better. Grrr. I hated them. In Twilight - the Close Up scenes of the eyes, as bella remembers Edward - would have been Fail with NM Eyes.

    The soundtrack is fine but not rememberable. I only had to see Twilight once to equate scenes with songs. I've seen NM twice. The first time I couldn't remember one song . the 2nd time kinda the same..but improvement. And I didn't listen to Twilight's soundtrack before hand. Yes it was a very angsty emo movie compared to Twilight..But I just thought the music could have been more of a Player.

    All that said..Weitz did a fine fine job. Well constructed..beautifully made.but it lacked something.

    Perhaps it was some direction to Rob gone Emo-Angsty Wild..There needed to be that thing of being reunited. there's a scene in the book before they get to the cullens where Bella wants to take THE VOTE..and bella has an epiphany that Edward DOES love's this final YES - they both know it and are in it together - moment. Fuck - That needed to be in there. I need a side of joyful smirk with my emo main course. Thank you!

    And I don't want CW for BD.. need someone else.
    Give me CH's heart with CW's skillz and I'd be happy...Like Main Course Happy!

  75. P.S. Any director who Pictures a Vampy Bella looking like she's 12 yrs old on Easter Sunday has got some 'splainin to do.

  76. @anon#1--you know, Joey on "Friends" said that chemistry on screen=the actors are doing it in real life. :)
    @anon#2--yes! An extra 20 minutes to flesh out some additional detail would have been great. I think that's why I can't wait for the DVD extras. I've only seen it once, so I'm sure I've missed things. You're completely right about Victoria. I figured they cut her part way down so they could introduce BDH without anyone noticing..yeah, riiiiight. I was annoyed by that because I really loved what little screen time she did have. I know that CW expected the majority of the audience to have read the books, but without that background her menace wasn't really captured.


  77. Ooh, don't mean to be a comment hog, but I forgot to say, I noticed Angela's hair bump it, too!! I've seen many a high-schooler wearing their hair this way, my daughters included, although not so much this year. More like a couple of years ago. ;(


  78. Agreed agreed agreed. I laughed SO HARD at Alice's vision, I think some tweens gave me the stink eye. Also, is that really what Edward would have been wearing after waiting for Bella to wake up from the change? Really? Is he practicing for The Music Man?
    Loved the Oct/Nov/Dec bit, but I didn't notice the pictures being removed - I guess I'll have to rewatch!!
    I agree with an earlier comment about the paunchiness of the wolves, too - somebody needs to do some sit-ups. LOL

  79. @KinTheFlo - "Give me CH's heart with CW's skillz..." Well said!

    17 Forever

  80. Thanks for the review ... agree with almost all of it. A couple of other things:

    The score was a total FAIL, in my opinion. It sounded like a made-for-TV movie; so melodramatic.

    If I hadn't read the books, I would have not understood why Bella even cared when Edward left. I didn't feel their love for each other at all! When she rescues him in Italy and they are following Jane back to the Volturi, they are just barely holding hands. In the book, they have their hands all over each other ... like they can't get enough.

    Movie should have included the plane ride home, with him touching her everywhere ... except her lips. I agree with others that the ending was just too rushed.

    Of course, I still loved it overall. :)

  81. I agree with some of you but what is it with you lot and the poor beautiful one's nipple. He's a vampire, he's pale and interesting he won't have perky pink nipples, well maybe perky but not pink. He's a hairy guy and what with the make up and all so it looks a bit grey, are you going to discuss the nipple to death? In the grand scheme of things is the nipple THAT important given that the wigs were shite, the costumes were pretty shite and the fucking vision sequence; please; even the Brit audience cracked up laughing out loud as one. There wasn't enough of the make up stuff from the book that was pretty central to the story and K Stew needs to be able to break down better than she did.
    Never really looked that closely at the tattoo and whose vagina looks like that-hands up please; curious minds want to know and pictures to prove it. It didn't look like a badly packed kebab to me!

    See no smut, no silliness as such from me today. I've had a visit from my mother; a rather cruel and unsettling woman that tends to effect my whole day.
    Tomorrow I will be smut worthy and fucking swearing no end but today alas I am broken.

    Word verif-I need a caraphe of wine to withstand a visit from the crabby ma

  82. One other thing great song for the soundtrack for the break up would have been Paper thin hymn by Anberlin-great song

  83. Last night a friend ripped me a copy of the soundtrack. So I listened today. the one song that stays is the Thom Yorke one. I just want to see that scene with Victoria in the woods..Bella going to the cliff..the wolves and Charlie in the woods. That's Total Win..
    Also-I feel like I have to download the movie onto my lap top and listen to it with headphones on so I can hear WTF Edward says..all his intonations. It's sooo subtle. way too subtle.
    OK me shuddup now.

  84. JJ, I feel like we just had our period at this same time. I read about you and STY everyday that I swear we are in sync..
    Ok, agree with you on all case points but might add the Victoria/Harry/Wolves and Bella scene was a great scene too.
    I do agree with you about now knowing where it stands. I think it’s just different than Twilight. There are improvements and then there are WTF’s. Overall, Twilight the movie will always be near and dear to me because that is what got me to read the book but as for New Moon, it’s all action and well, it’s own thing. I might say, though for me. I didn’t cry at all. I cried more at the trailers when they showed Lovely Bones and Letters to Juliet than at the break up scene in New Moon, etc.. Just an observation.

  85. Soundtrack was a total downer for me.

    Won't go into detail as i already have done here:

    but the soundtrack - i'm still pretty pissed off about it. :(

  86. I thought it was awkward what Jacob says to Bella in the kitchen before the phone call...I know that it was something super romantic in Quileute but come on! Also, the way Jane says "Pain" before she hurts Edward completely ruined that for me.

  87. It`s really funny how I agree with the most of your comments, so no more about weird costumes and bad wigs. I found an explanation for the Alice-vision-frolicking-scene: It was meant to be a dream sequence, but CW had to cut it out and put it in at this place because he needed a Bella-as-vampire-scene. Bad decision, as we all know. I loved the beginning full-moon turnig into new moon thing. Jasper and Laurent were really frightening vampires and Aro did am amazing job. I´ll see The movie tomorrow for the second time (now in original English version, as the first one was in German)and will have a special look at the nipples cause I hadn`t noticed them at the first time.

  88. I can't stop now. Help. Ok- Now in the books wasn't it [resented as if Jacob didn't know that it was edward asking about Charlie..?
    Also I REALLY didn't like Jacob giving B a dream catcher. On one hand it seems fitting..but on the other it implies J knows she has bad dreams - and he doesn't know that. It's juts too personal info regarding Bella. I think it's implied that he knows. right? anyway - I didn't like it. I "get it"..but don't likey.

  89. The contacts also bothered me and I know they annoyed the shit out of STY so I'll let her address that one. But yeah, they were really weird.

    I honestly think I'll have to see this movie a few more times before I decide if I like it better than Twilight. I know quite a few of you have already said this but it is just missing something. I can't quite place my finger on it.

    I did notice that the wolf pack wasn't super ripped but I didn't really care too much. For some reason, I liked them more because of it. Or maybe that was just the mood I was in the last time I saw it. lol.

  90. @KTF - yes, in the book Jacob thought he was talking to DOCTOR Cullen. At least that's how I remember it. Guess they wanted to amp up the animosity between E & J in the movie. I think I would have been a little lost over the whole Harry Clearwater funeral/phone call/mix up thing had I not read the books.


  91. @JJ - I just got back from seeing it for the sixth time and was on the look out for the pictures disappearing after each rotation around the room on the Oct/Nov/Dec scene. Pretty impressed you noticed that. Up until today, I could not take my eyes off of KStew's face. I think she's fantastic in that scene, as is her voice as she narrates the emails to Alice.

    As I was driving home, I was thinking about us trying to wrap our heads around the whole Twilight vs. New Moon argument and, ultimately, I think it comes down to this. We all lost our Twi-virginity with Twilight. New Moon can bring us to another climax, but it can never replace the memory of our first Twi-fuck, if that makes any sense.

    17 Forever

  92. Totally agree with you WTF scene of Alice's vision of Bella as a vampire. Hokey and corn-pony. The two times I saw New Moon, the entire theater laughed out loud during her vision. I pictured a bad-ass Bella. Maybe in leather pants or something, but not running like Pheobe from FRIENDS through the forest. Love your blog, and your reviews are spot-on.

  93. @Lisa- lmao! I keep making face punch references to Mr. Edward but he doesn't quite get it (hasn't seen the movie- weirdo).

    I loved the movie. I loved it so much more than Twilight for staying truer to the book. I think Rosalie looked like hell. Since she's supposed to be "the most beautiful" I would think they could have done a better job.

    Personally, I'm a fan of the long hair on Taycob and I don't give a shit what Robward looks like, I'd totally give myself over to him in a heartbeat(gray nipples and all.)

    KStew looked beautiful in this movie. I loved the Oct, Nov, Dec. scene but I wanted to see the break down when Charlie tells her he's sending her to FL. I wanted to see the scene where he tells Alice about how bad she was.

    Loved the Volturi, but I felt like the ending was so rushed. I'll still go see it several more times though while I wait for my email to alert me that it's available on dvd.

  94. I agree 100% with your pros & cons. I'm a big fan (a mature/adult fan too, and think you nailed it. I laughed outloud during the Alice Vision. And, poor Jasper.

  95. I love it! Only on Twitarded can I read a movie review equating Twilight as your first Twi-fuck, with New Moon achieving a slightly more intense level of orgasm. I suppose Ill need a cold shower to watch Eclipse. Can't wait! Heh heh


    W/V: strowers...haha...not quite showers but almost.

  96. Oh it's better than Twilight (the big let-down), no question!!

    I'm soooo glad you brought up the wolf (whose name is G'mork) from The Neverending Story!! Ever since the scene where the wolves first appear and chase Laurant, I've been thinking that Paul's wolfy self seemed oddly familiar. That's totally what it is!

    Also, I liked the last outfit that Alice wears in the movie, during "The Vote." I think it's on most of the poster. All the other outfits where not so great though, obvs.

  97. @Edward's...Heroin - Oh "Face Punch" - that was FANTASTIC and hilarious. Totally random, but great comic relief.

  98. @ Lauren, and don't forget 'Love spelled backwards is Love' (WTF?!). the dumb movie references in it were hilarious. I adored Jessica's ramble about zombie movies 'I have a cousin with leprosy'.

    @ Sprtzmom and JJ - I get what you're saying about Twilight vs NM. It's partly I think that all the interactions between E&B were shot so differently. In Twilight (even though everyone goes on about the blue filter), most intimate/romance scenes (bedroom, kiss, cafe, prom) had golden light which made everything seem warmer between them. CW didn't do that. Robward always looked pasty and cold. Plus CH liked doing extreme close-ups of Robward and krisella gazing into each other's eyes. CW didn't do that either. He shot them from slightly further away, and they were not often looking into each other's eyes. perhaps this difference is what we mean by the 'something' that is missing.

    I still love NM, even if it's missing something.

  99. @Lisa - you are so right on about what's missing in NM. I still like it too. I like it more each time I see it.

  100. @Sprtzmom - 6 times??!!! I am jealous.

  101. @mMoxie I like it better each time I see it too. Going to see it for the fourth time this week I hope!

    the soundtrack is also growing on me.

  102. @FKat - Only here in Twitardia do I feel I can say those things and have people "get it."

    @Lisa - My two favorite scenes are the restaurant and the bedroom/first kiss. Thank you for putting into words what I could not.

    @Z Any Mouse - My goal is 11 (want to beat my old record of 10 for Brendan Fraser in George of the Jungle), which I am well on my way to :)


  103. i about died when i scrolled down and saw the picture of g'mork on your post! (thanks for finding the name @luludee!)

    when that wolf showed up on screen, i seriously leaned over and whispered "atraaayuuu!" to my friend (who i don't think got the reference...) so glad i wasn't the only one to see the resemblance!

  104. Yeah, I REALLY REALLY want to know what they were thinking when they made that "vision" scene?! WTF was that?!?

  105. LOL!!!!!!!!! That is so true what you say about Kristen Stewart, that head bobbin' terets thing drives me nuts, maybe she needs to stay away from the "green tea"

  106. Is it just me or KStew's acting, but NM just didn't show her pain enough, I don't think. The book made me feel like my own heart was broken and in the movie it just wasn't played up enough. Her nightmare scenes were decent. But her running after Edward in the woods wasn't sufficient. I would have screamed wouldn't you. I didn't feel it so much in the movie. It's only because of the book that I even realize the relevance of the months passing by. IDK what do you think?

  107. You are flippin hilarious!
    Glad I'm not the only one who hated the spider monkey line from Twilight. As well as when Rosalie called Emmett her monkey man during the baseball scene. Other Twilight part that sucks-when Bella's mom asks if she is being safe. But it's right before the hot kissing scene so I'll listen to it allllll day...not that I have. I like the independent feel to Twilight and can't top that kissing scene or the prom scene. And I like seeing a lot of Edward. This is why I CAN'T WAIT for Eclipse. More scenes with Bella and Edward, and ones where they are about to get it on:)
    In NM the scenes that "bothered" me were the one where Jacob tells Mike Newton he is going to put him in the hospital after he was puking his brains out, and then Jacob starts "feeling weird" and leaves the theater. It felt very random and just not good. I also didn't like how Bella got on the motorcycle and then asked the guy to stop, which he did, and then- cut to scene with Jessica. Who is editing this shit? Also hate when Charlie says he is an eternal bachelor to Bella. I don't think Kristen liked that line either. And Jacob is smokin but I still feel a bit weird seeing him in that way with such a baby face. Call it old fashioned or illegal. Perhaps I'll change my mind after I watch it another 100 times.
    I love the way Rob, er Edward, looks more mature in this movie and is better groomed. I love the breakup scene as well, the music is awesome!! Rosyln-Bon Iver.
    Agree, Caius has the best voice.

    I've only seen NM once (gasp) but I'm getting a bootleg copy next week! Wee, sorry laundry.

    Thanks for making me laugh out loud. Sorry for the ADHD message.

  108. Best scene ever? In my opinion...when Taylor Lautner is getting all pissed at Alice in Bella's house either immediately before or after Edward calls and crushes his cell phone in his hand on the Italian balcony with obnoxious Romeo & Juliet allusion (balcony + glowing mountain statue that was in R & J movie) #r878787789435. "You don't want to make me angry! Things could get VERY ugly!"

    I spat pop out of my mouth in the theatre when I heard that line. I think he's adorable and not scary in the least (gorgeous, yes), so hearing him try to be intimidating and just squeaking out a 17 year-old threat intended to come from a hulking, 7-foot masculine wolfman (a la the book)...amazing. Amazing. How they filmed some of those scenes without bursting out laughing I have no clue.

  109. Oh, and I cried at this movie too, if that makes anyone else feel better. I did cry at the October/November/December scene, but also during the breakup (maybe I have abandonment issues) AND when Bella broke Jacob's heart for the billionth time at the end of the movie. I know how it feels to be the jerked-around best friend. Unfortunately, I can't turn into a giant wolf and claw the shit out of people in response....which is what I would have done if I were Jacob.


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