Not the mom & kids in our story, but pretty dang awesome! (from MomLogic)
Sometimes--frequently, in fact--we get emails from you guys that crack us up! This happens pretty regularly, actually, since as most of you have probably noticed by now, you're a righteously funny bunch of chicks...
Most of you probably also know that Jenny Jerkface and I don't have kids. But if we DID have young 'uns, I think our Twilight obsession would have led us to a similar situation that fellow Twitard Krista* recently shared with us...
I want to share how I have molded my middle daughter Cacee into my Robward loving, Twilight-obsessed favorite daughter of all time. Okay, so if my two other daughters read this, they're gonna be pissed and will probably beat me bloody. But, hey, I have to show favoritism where it is due. You love Rob, I love you most.
I was a late bloomer and didn't glom onto the Twilight series until about 2 weeks before the first movie came out. I started on my first book and I was hooked like a virgin having her first orgasm. I couldn't stop. I went without sleep, yelled psychotically at my kids whenever they interrupted me, and found reasons to lock myself in the bathroom at work. Finally, I finished them all and saw the movie (about a million times) and was completely pissed off that I, as a 40 year old woman, could not openly lust after Rob Pattinson without some bitchy little teenager rolling her eyes at me and making some smart-ass remark. I had to figure out another way to get my fix without appearing too cougar-ish. Alas, my innocent then-10-year-old Cacee came to me one day shortly after the movie was released and asked if she could read the books...
Yes! Yes! Yes!!! Hell Yes! However, in my house, we have this stupid little rule where you can't see PG-13 movies or read books like Twilight until you're 11. What the fuck?? Who the hell thought up that one?? Okay, so it was me. I must have had a good reason at the time. And, because I didn't let my 14 year old, Courtney, skirt the rule when she was 10, I couldn't really let Cacee do it either. At least, not openly... So, we devised a plan: she took my Twilight books and she hid them in various places throughout her room. She left the book covers on my bookshelf, so it appeared that they were still there. She took black electric tape and covered up the title and author on the spines of the books. And she read them, without her sister knowing any different.
After she read the books, she absconded my copy of the movie, which I thought was hidden in a very good place: the bottom of my underwear drawer. Her extra-sensory Edward perception must have been tuned in, because she found it. Who the hell searches through their mother's underwear drawer? Ewww! [note from STY: er, I did this when I was young and so all of my tweeny friends... This is actually how we discovered porn, sex toys, and weed for the first time. Separate homes/drawers, but still - kids are nosy!] She watched it on her DVD player, she watched it on my iPod, she watched it on my netbook. It's burned into her retinas.
All the while, I'm hinting at how hot Edward is and really how much better Rob Pattinson is than Taylor Lautner. She's taking the bait. I started buying her "teen" magazines filled with pictures of Rob. Anything she wanted that had to do with Rob, I'd buy her. And now the walls in her room are almost completely filled with pictures of Rob. Can I tell you how many times I go into her room in a day? If I could move in there with her without it seeming freakishly gross to have your mother sleeping on your floor, lusting over the pictures on your wall, I would. Instead, I have to find reasons to go in there, which is beginning to piss her off. No privacy. Too bad. And the cherry on top? I am being the good mother and taking Courtney and Cacee out of school on November 20 because we are going to see Twilight and New Moon at midnight the night before.
I was feeling like hot shit about the whole situation because their friends are all jealous that I would let them do this when Courtney said, "Yeah, whatever, Mom... If this was any other movie, you wouldn't let us do it." She's right. I told her it was good thing I was Twitarded! By the way, she's Team Taylor and has only read the first book. I told her she has no fucking opinion when it comes to Robward's hotness. Only with less cursing.
Keep up the awesome blogs! You give me something to look forward to every day!
I LOVE this story! I laughed through the whole thing because I KNOW that if I had kids, I would absolutely be trying to corrupt them and make them Twilight addicts, too! So what about the rest of you - anyone taking their kids to the premiere??? Enabling the kiddies with all the tweeny mags while you roll your eyes in mock-horror at the check-out line, secretly desperate for the moment when you'll be able to sneak into your kid's room to ogle Robward? Has anyone on Santa's list been good enough to get a full-size Edward this year??? If you've got a story to share, tell us about it in the comments!
*Names changed to protect the innocent and not-so-innocent alike! Thanks for sharing, Krista! : )