Monday, December 14, 2009

Taycob On SNL! [In Our Typically Late Fashion...]

I might be 17 but I know the Kama Sutra backwards, forwards and... this way, too! Look out! Chris Hansen IS RIGHT BEHIND YOU!!!!

So on Saturday night Mr. Snarky and I went over to Jenny Jerkface's house and had a very Twilight-y evening planned... I have to say that Mr. Snarky is a great sport and even when I told him that we wanted to watch Twilight with RiffTrax AND Taylor Lautner on Saturday Night Live, there was minimal eye-rolling. I'm a lucky chick, what can I say?? The man knows how to humor me. Plus RiffTrax is fucking funny stuff - if you haven't yet downloaded the podcast and listened to it with Twilight, you're missing out.

Anyway, we were pretty well-lubricated with vodka by the time SNL came on... And we'd collectively went through three bags of microwave popcorn (the good organic stuff but still...). Suffice it to say that by the time Taylor Lautner actually made it on-screen, we were feeling no pain and there was popcorn everywhere. [JJ's note - because you were THROWING it at me, you bitch] Jenny wandered off here and there in her typical spastic ADD fashion, Mr. Snarky snuck downstairs when a few dudes showed up, and I made a token effort to drunk-tweet the experience while sitting in the dark. It is possible that I was maybe a tad distracted bu then... But thanks to Tivo, I get another shot at watching it - and the second time around, I was paying attention.

A few random thoughts...

He's totally adorable. (There. That's right. I said it.)

They could have made the Taylor Swift and Kanye West standees a little bit smaller - or they could have paired him with a few people who were a teeeeny bit shorter... C'mon!! Taylor Swift is six feet tall! Someone cut the dude a break and give him a little Tom Cruise/Nicole Kidman creative camerawork or something.

Taylor pulls off blond hair about as well as Nikki Reed. It just ain't working for him... Although he did a mean Michael Jackson hip-thrust. He's only 17, he's only 17, he's only 17...

Bon Jovi? Really?? Still??? I live in Jersey and I don't really have anything against Bon Jovi, per se... Let me put it this way: I rocked out to Bon Jovi when "Slippery When Wet" was first released. My tweeny friends and I used to call each other when their hits were playing on the radio. Which was every three minutes. Because that's what we did. But that was a loooong time ago!

Fine. I admit it: there was a time when I didn't think this was a bad look for a guy. (Holy crap is he wearing football-player-worthy shoulder pads under that scarfy mess?!)

I also thought this was a pretty hot bunch of dudes at the time... Go early eighties me! [JJ's note - OME, OME, I used to LOVE Motley Crue!! And Poison! And Mr. Big! And Warrant and... holy shit, don't tell anyone else, 'kay? You'll totes ruin my music cred...]

Team Edward Vs. Team Jacob skit = classic! And proves that even those who have taken a firm position on Team Edward or Team Jacob can agree on one thing: Bella can be a whiny bitch and undeserving of either of their affections.

Taylor Lautner's much more of a ham than ummm..."other actors" [*cough* KStew *cough*] from the Twilight Saga and while it is possible that I cursed a little when I heard he was hosting SNL instead of a certain "other" Twilight Saga actor... Uh, maybe Billy Burke. or Edi Gathegi... Kellan Lutz? I'd totally love to see Peter Facinelli up there!! Anyone who I don't have to feel like a perv about? Please?? I have an idea: how about Robert Pattinson! Seriously - can someone explain why he wasn't hosting? Other than maybe he didn't want to and Taylor did? Because I have to image that RPatts would have been their first choice... Although I realize (and I may have mentioned before...) that while I absolutely want him to host the show, he might be awkward as shit and I might be disappointed. Oh hell who am I kidding?If Robert Pattinson hosted SNL and made a totally adorkable mess of things, I would only [heart] him more. {{{sigh}}}

Lookin' good! Now stop making those eyes - you're not 18 yet!

Watching it the second time around was absolutely worth it! I guess I spent more time than I recalled on Saturday night microwaving popcorn, refreshing my cocktail, and generally wandering around JJ's house making a nuisance of myself than I remembered. Go figure.

This experience was almost enough to make me forget the episode of Shark Boy I inadvertently tuned in to last week. Almost.

Am I the only one who finds it ironic that Taylor Lautner's teeth are this pointy???

P.S. Cullen Boys Anonymous is having a contest to win one of the t-shirts worn in the "Team Edward vs. Team Jacob" skit - you can go enter here!


  1. You know the folks at SNL were trying to get Rob on there more than anything...I bet he said 'no' because he much rather be shacked up in the Chateau Marmont with KStew microwaving hot pockets, sewing up another hole in his Stoli shirt and chain smoking. I can't really blame him.

    Fortunately due to my west coast time status I got to enjoy and parttake in your drunk tweeting and then watch the whole show later without interruption. I thought Taycob did an awesome job. Some of the skits kind of sucked but he was great. The kid most definitely has that bubbly showbiz personality. I will still take our hot, self depricating, stubbly, tall, adorkable RPattz over the clean freshness (and undeniable illegalness) of Taycob. But in the end a big VitaminR thumb's up.

  2. Oh man! Jon was on too??????

    Sorry, Snarky...Jon Bon Jovi just melts my butter!! Seriously! If you stood him and Rob side by each, it would take a long time looking both of them over...inch by beautiful inch, comparing this and that....but I'd have to go with Jon. Then Rob. Then Jon again!!

    I missed SNL....I was out partaking of free hooch and dancing my Manolos off at a company Christmas party. Hopefully, I can find it on ninjavideo.

    OH and I just want to say, I get the biggest kick out of the Twitarded's Fan Box to the left....I always see at least 2 of my real life friends in the "Twitarded has 742 fans" box...

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  4. He was awesome! The writing on SNL sucks these days though. That picture you posted with the bedroom eyes - I paused the TV, hyperventilated, slapped myself across the face and said out loud "he's 17," hit play... then rewound and did it again. Thrice. I don't give a crap if he's 17, he is delicious, and (quick break to whip up an Excel spreadsheet)... in 2016, hooking up with him will no longer break the "half your age plus seven" rule for me! Woohoo, who wants to come to the afterparty in 2016? I'll be there! :D

  5. OME I think I had a poster like that Bon Jovi picture... Ah the hair band memories.... I remember some of the guys I dated had bigger hair than me.... Wonder what they look like now.... Hmmm

    Loved Taylor on SNL... Yah some of the skits were lame, but the twilight spoof I nearly peed myself laughing at it.

    I've been thinking we need to come up with a twi sign... You know the trekies have the Vulcan Spock live long and prosper impossible v sign.
    I was following someone in traffic that had a whole bunch of twilight bumper stickers and I thought about waving to her... But then I started wondering how I could convey to her that I'm a twihard too? I don't have any twilight bumper stickers on my car and I was worried that I'd end up looking like some crazy ass broad waving like a mad woman at a complete stranger... So what do you think ladies?

  6. Okay - does anyone else think Taycob's wig in the Team vs. sketch was better than either New Moon or Twilight's wigs?

    I missed it too. I was getting plastered at a Christmas party at my friend's house. I may or may not have dumped half of my drink on my lap that night...

    But for some idiotic reason, I forgot to record SNL!

    @red_bella - HELL YEAH! We SO need our own symbol or hand gesture. Something easy, but not stupid. Hmmm...

  7. glad to know i wasn't the only one muttering chris hansen to myself. my god he makes my panties flame. in a good way not that omg i have a yeast infection way.

    wv:satto- i'm drawing a blank

  8. Now you're talking my language, STY. I love(d) every 80s band you mentioned; saw half of them in concert; met Vince Neil when he was touring solo; met Jani Lane and Sebastian Bach when they were so drunk they could barely stand up, let alone remember their lyrics; and Warrant's Cherry Pie is still one of my favorite albums from start to finish.

    And I cannot believe that I just finished publishing my post titled "Slippery When Wet," headed over here, and find you mentioning said title in your post.

    I love you like a hurricane, STY ;)

    17 forever

    P.S.: Yes, Taycob was cute on SNL, but there were a lot of awkward moments and jokes that fell flat.

  9. UGH. I thought SNL was sooooo LAME! I was mostly bored thru the whole thing and didn't crack a smile once. Maybe I needed some cocktails too. I don't have a problem with Taylor. I think the writing on SNL is 99% shit.

    I really don't want to see Rob on SNL. PLEASE GOD NO! He's so fucking shy and have you seen him try to crack jokes during interviews? Either the interviewer doesn't get it or it's just stupid. Now I love Rob (I accidently typed Rub, thats how much I want to rub, I mean, love Rob) anyway, I just think it would be too painful watching him try to act out one of their lame ass sketches. Adorkable Rob is great but he's sorta like that ugly baby that only the mother thinks is beautiful. Non Rob lovers wouldn't get it and he'd be raked over the coals for bombing.

    I changed the channel during Bon Jovi. I can't handle watching Richie Sambora's bloated face or listen to their attempt at music. Next week's musical guest is Muse. Wouldn't that have been a more appropriate pairing with TLau?

  10. I thought he was adorable too! Not panty-combusting, definitely not Rob, but he's definitely a cutie!
    I loved how he's just a total, unapologetic ham, it made him very fun to watch.
    I'd love to see some adorkable Rob-hosting though :-( Because, even if he's shy and kinda lame hosting something, we all know what he'd be like in private, don't we?

  11. I thought Taylor did a really decent job with the mediocre skits they wrote. The kid is definitely comfy in front of a camera. (Still safely unattracted to the jailbait.) I wasn't a huge fan of hair bands but personally feel that Jon is one of those guys who looks better with age. Yum! Richie is another matter, however.

    I'm still holding out for Rob to host although I'll probably have to hold up a pillow (or a drink) in front of my face, watching with one eye while waiting for second-hand embarrass moments.

  12. Holy shit I haven't commented in forever! If you think you're late to the party, I haven't even seen SNL yet. And I'm pretty sure I deleted the YouTube link Latchkey Wife sent me in a Oh-my-fucking-Edward-where-is-that-email-the-school-sent-me-about-that-thing-that-was-due-last-week-and-why-is-my-email-a-yowling-deathsnatch-blackhole fit. I will watch it soon. I promise. Sort of.

    VitR--Enjoyed the drunk tweets. Even if I wasn't drunk. Did you know alcohol + pseudophedrine = stomach bleeding? The fuck? What medical genius thought that was a good idea?

  13. @TK--I enjoyed the drunk tweets too. You hung in there with me after JJ and STY had to bail to go entertain real life friends or something ;-)

    @STY--How did I comment above and forget to acknowledge Jon Bon Jovi in all his scarfy permed hair glory? I think I tweeted you that night that I bet Taycob had to Google Bon Jovi to figure out who the hell they were...ha! Who doesn't love a little Bon Jovi from time to time? They are even better after several Irish whiskeys ;-)

  14. @VitamiR - I can promise you I don't like a little Bon Jovi ever. No matter how many Irish whiskey's I pour down my gullet.

  15. @F-Kat - NBC has all of his skits uploaded here.

    17 forever

  16. In the pic of Jon Bon Jovi, he's actually wearing more scarves than Carlisle in NM. It's at least a close race.

  17. twi-obsessionwillbethecauseofmydivorceDecember 15, 2009 at 2:14 AM

    I was kind of disappointed with the skits they came up with for him except for the team Edward team Jacob one but I blame it on the SNL writers not Taycob. I thought he did great! I was so proud of him. It's so hard to remember that he's only 17. Fuck I feel all Mary Kay Letourneau just looking at him (so wrong)! As for Bon Jovi, I couldn't tell you what I thought of them I was to distracted by Richie Sambora's bad facelift/botox or whatever the fuck he had going on with his face. Jon still looks good : )
    BTW love the pics of the hair bands LMAO! I remember the days when I had that Aquanet ratted out flytrap hair…good times…God I feel old!

  18. @ StarlitViolets, I was thinking Carlisle with those scarves too! Maybe that's going to be the wardrobe for Ecipse, let's face it, Jacksper's hair wouldn't look any worse like that than it did in New Moon!

    Awww, Taylor :o), I can't stay away from you anymore. What's that you say? Then don't? Ok, I'm shameless now. I'd totally do him *shrugs*.

    What? Dn't look at me like that, he's legal in the UK ;o)

  19. Oh god, isn't he just almonst perfest (second to His Majesty)? And I don't care if he's 17, I'm 18. And if Melanie Griffith had a right to Antonio Banderas, then I definitely have a right to this adorable cute boy. (Maybe you do too, girls. Follow Melanie's steps.)
    Anyway, his birthday is February something, when he finally becomes a legal adult (not that it has stopped ME wanting him). I expect something VERY festive that day....
    LOVE, Aspa
    PS. Why did you forget about dear Kellan? Don't you love him? I think he feels neglected...

  20. Feb 11th is Taylor's b-day and we shall all have one small thing to feel a little less cougarish about. He was cute , and I dig his karate moves. Rob however, is the MAN and there is just no one like him.

    I am a Bon Jovi fan from way back and I must agree with others, Jon is lookin way better than Ritchie these days! He could have used some of those scarves!

  21. @Twi-obsession... - Poor Ritchie :( Love the Aquanet/flytrap hair reference, but now I have to add poor Lisa :( Based on that comment alone, I can tell I'm older than you. LOL!

    @SparkleMindy - Based on that comment alone, I think we could be great friends :)

    @Stan - Based on that comment alone, I'm doing a happy dance. More Rob for me ;)

  22. I couldn't watch it after the monologue which I thought was a little hokey.... especially with Taylor doing all the fancy karate flipping shit. I wasn't impressed. I did love the Team Edward/Team Jacob skit though, that was hi-fucking-larious.

    And don't feel bad JJ, I loved all those bands too... plus Def Leppard. I'd like RPattz to pour some sugar on me, that's for sure!

  23. And just when I thought I might be the only person to own up to having that poster of Bon Jovi poster on my wall! It was my first poster...and I had buttons too. I've seen them three times in concert...within the past seven years! Good times.

    I've always thought had a been in college in the 80s I would've been a total hairband groupie slut. Or at least I would've tried.

    I only saw a few of the skits but Taylor impressed. But I wasn't too shocked by it given his polished nature with everything else he does media-wise.

  24. I loved some of Taylors skit... But, as you said he definitely can't pull off the blonde! I too wish Rob would host SNL but he said basically no freakin way n that he'd be too nervous or some shit like that to do it. But... I did see an interview where Kellan said he'd love to do it!!!! I say we all get on that boat n see if we can get his hot ass to host SNL!!!!!!

  25. I'm just going to come out and say it, out loud. I hate Bon Jovi and am really glad I don't remember the early 80s. I was wrapped up reading Emancipation Proclamation all weekend and couldn't be bother to watch. I've caught the opening monologue on youtube and maybe I'll around to the Team Jacob/Edward sketch.

  26. That was my reaction too. Taylor is just adorable (awkward maybe on SNL) but adorable!!!

  27. I thought SNL had it's funny moments but definately blame it on the writers - the lack of talent in the SNL "regulars" is also one of the issues.

    I loved the "Team Edward vs Jacob" skit - best one of the bunch - thought I was going to piss during the "debate" when Taycob said the guy that played Jacob should get an Oscar for his abs!! And I so agree with JJ and STY - during the hip thrusting dance, all I could say out loud was "...he's 17, he's 17, he's 17..." DH was like "what??" NOTHING!! LMAO

    I don't think our man RPattz would be a very good host - Kellan Lutz would be hilarious but all in all, SNL sucks it now regardless of who ends up hosting

  28. I missed this! I had a bad migraine so I didn't even remember to DVR it. I'm glad I saw the youtube clips. Taylor was awesome! Totally adorable and sometimes, kinda funny.

    I have to admit, comedy live would scare the fuck out of me, if I were an actor. But I think it's like required that you at least host one SNL. Right? I mean, the show is not going to be around forever, and it's so iconic. I think Rob at some point will give in and do it, and I'll be watching at that point!

  29. twi-obsessionwillbethecauseofmydivorceDecember 15, 2009 at 12:48 PM

    Sorry! Didn't mean to make you feel old! I've got a B-day coming up next week (33) and that's not old at all. It's just that it's 10 years older than hoo:( and I'm just being a whiny bitch. Oh and I got to meet Great White back in the day. Seen Skid Row in concert also (my friend was in the front of the crowd and got a peek of Sabaction Bach's balls. He had a hole in the crotch of his jeans and he was going commando)! LMAO

  30. this is unrelated to this post, but i just stumbled across this:

    it's an excellent entry about twilight. hope you enjoy.

  31. I dont know ladies, do you remember YOUR boyrfriends at 17...did they strike you as needing protection????

    He really is a cutie but he is too much like a milk commercial with perfect teeth, I am a Rob devotee...

  32. Someone at SNL is SERIOUSLY Twitarded...girls did you notice that the picture on the white dry erase board in the Team Edward vs Team Jacob skit has a drawing of Planaria on it? Just like in the movie? I'm doubting that was Taylor's idea.

    OMG I was rolling when Taylor was kissing the RPattz binder.

    Was soo hoping to see someone else from the Twi cast show up out of the blue!!! ;) Junie

  33. I was pretty impressed with our young friend's acting on SNL. I didn't know what to expect seeing him do comedy since, so far, his specialty is deep rooted resentment and longing after whiney, clingy brunettes..Go Taylor!

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