Monday, March 12, 2012

Bel Ami – The Quick and Dirty Review by Chloe Cougar

Helloooo twat-waffles! As some of you are no doubt aware, our boy made a chaste, rated-G movie called "Bel Ami" a while ago. While those of us in the States are still having a hissy fit due to the lack of a concrete release date, Twitards around the globe are rejoicing as it becomes available in their markets. This might make up - at least a little - for how long some of our international peeps have to wait to see the next installment of the Twilight Saga in theaters or on dvd. But still, stop gloating people - it's very unseemly, and you know we are nothing if not prim and proper here in these parts. *ahem*

Anyhoo, Chloe Cougar--one of our Twitarded besties--kindly agreed to write a review for us, since she managed to see Bel Ami when it opened in the UK last week. Oh, and she saw it not once but twice. TWICE. Not that I am jealous or anything... I'm going to go have a temper-tantrum in the basement... Or maybe go drink cocktails with little umbrellas in them until I feel better... In the meantime, take it away, CC!


I’m sure it hasn’t gone unnoticed by you lovely h00rs that today has been a special day over
here in the UK. But in case you missed it, I’ll remind you. You see:

Today, Bel Ami opened in movie theatres across our little nation -

 Temptation. Seduction. Obsession. The Boy’s naked butt…thrusting…

Now before you all lambast me for being shallow, I must tell you that I have actually read the
book (and can thoroughly recommend it, btw). But I will openly admit that I wouldn’t have
spared this movie a second glance, had it not been for a certain someone playing the title

Let me tell you, he doesn’t disappoint!

 Why is it that this still always reminds me of the Details photoshoot?

I have to admit that I don’t fully understand why this movie hasn’t yet been released
elsewhere—I mean, just check out the stellar cast!

Christina Ricci is adorable as Clotilde, Kristin Scott Thomas is superb as the simpering older
woman and Uma Thurman is gravelly-voiced and calculating.

The Boy, well, what can I say? One of the best things BY FAR for me is the fact that
we get to hear his British accent again. Don’t get me wrong, I have nothing against him
playing ‘American’ roles, but his voice seems to have a completely different cadence when
he speaks in his native tongue. And at one point he growls. HE GROWLS!!! *fans self*

But of course, what I’m sure you all REALLY want to know about the sex scenes….

 Take a look at these three lucky ladies. Because he beds them all. Gah!

By far the hottest scene in the movie is pretty much right at the beginning—and it’s not with
any of the women above!

When Georges Duroy (The Boy’s character) is given some coins with which to buy clothing,
he does what any red-blooded ex-cavalryman would do—he spends some of the money
on a prostitute. We’re given a brief but graphic shot of a naked Georges having his wicked
way with ‘a woman of the night’ in his seedy, grimy room. It’s fast. It’s fleeting. But definitely
shamwow-worthy (and no, I don’t think he’s got a hairy arse, but I was somewhat distracted!
). This scene will henceforth be known by me as ‘The Quick and Dirty’ one

The other sex scenes are more implied—that is, all except one, which I actually found quite
uncomfortable to watch. Madeleine Forestier (Uma Thurman), whom Georges weds at one
point, almost plays him at his own game, turning the tables and practically raping him just so
that she can get on with her work. I mean, how could she? Doesn’t she know he’s meant to
be worshipped? (Oops, I digress. Sorry, got a little side-tracked there…)

Actually, that brings me to another point… The Boy’s character is meant to be a scheming,
devious seducer, intent on making his way into money by any means possible—and he
does. But I couldn’t help feeling sorry for him a lot of the time. Clearly, there is no hope for
me. Nope. None at all…

All in all, Bel Ami is a fantastic movie—and I just KNOW you’re going to love it!


GAH - are you as jealous as I am right now??? Are you DYING to see this??? If nothing else, think of the diiiirty fan-made video possibilities once we get our smutty mitts on all this NekkidPatts footage (I'm lookin' at you, Biel!) - woot!

Update: Magnolia Films has announced that Bel Ami will be available On Demand in the US on May 4th, and will be released in theaters on June 8th. Pretty sure that will kill their box office revenue, but at least we'll get to see it finally! Thanks to ROBsessed for the update!


  1. I am SOOOOOOO ready for this movie!!

    I bought an entire shamwow suit because I know every part of me will be dripping.

  2. Dy-ing to see this movie. That's all.

  3. Checking flights for other countries where Bel Ami is showing...

  4. I just reset my countdown widget for May 4th - On Demand! I cannot wait!!! Squeeeeeee!!!!

  5. The chick that he fucks in the beginning (the prostitute) is the one who played Nymphadora Tonks in the Harry Potter movies.

    I just saw on Robsessed that the movie will be out in the U.S. on June 8th, but available as a
    "video on demand" on May 4!!!!! Yesss! I've never used "video on demand" but I will for this movie! Can't wait to see Bel Ami on the big screen!

    Awesome review!!!!!!!!

  6. We're hoping for the promised May release here in New Zealand. Can't come soon enough! (twss)

  7. On Demand in May?! What now??? *runs off to the fact-y parts of interwebs*

  8. I'm SO marking the date on my calendar when this is available On Demand - girl's night at the Snarky Residence!!!

  9. CC - You rock, thanks for the re-cap! I am even more excited to see this movie now.


    xo J

  10. :::Dancing:::

    CC! You did an awesome job! Now I'm going to be squirming in my seat for the next couple of months waiting for this piece of ass to get on the screen! (Quite literally)

  11. Errrr... this makes me jumpy clap. The prospect of seeing RPattz's nekkid bum has me all in a moist tizzy. Thanks CC for taking one for the team. I imagine it was extremely difficult to watch this movie! LOL!

  12. Finally a date! I cant wait to see this movie. Im marking my calender for girls night at my house.

  13. ok.. who is going to photoshop JJ, STY and Latchkey's face on to this poster?? can we make this happen :)

  14. So far south Africa is looking at a release date of 22 June. What. the Fuck? I mean aside from all the Rob prettiness it looks like a good movie. I wanna see it. And Robs arse! Dammit!

  15. YAY!! May is my bday month....I'll celebrate with "The Boy." (God, I will never be able to mentally stop calling him that now!)

    I love team_sixpack's photoshop idea....Brilliant!!


  16. Uuuungh! There, you see, the whole 'gloating about having seen Bel Ami on the wide-screen--twice' has come back to bite me already :-(

    You guise get to see this ON DEMAND in May!

    Off I trotted to one of the many sites that might, possibly, maybe offer it on demand to us Brits, but NO. >.<

    While I console myself with a medicinal glass of wine (or is that 'whiiiiinnnne'?), I'd like to thank you all for your kind comments about my review.

    Oh, and team_sixpack, that is one excellent idea :-D

    CC x

  17. I have photo shop... i just need the images of them. ;)


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