Monday, August 31, 2009

Twilight Fan Fiction - The Good, The Bad and The Horny

This is a public service announcement to anyone I share actual DNA with: DO NOT READ THIS POST. I'm lookin' at YOU, MnaJ and Brother Jerkface: seriously, it you read this it's going to make the next family gathering waaaaaay awkward.

Okay we've got that out of the way...

Where... the... fuck... is... that... laptop... need...more...fan fiction...

I've been a bad girl. [I'M TOTALLY SERIOUS FAMILY MEMBERS! LEAVE NOW. YOU'LL REGRET IT BUT I WON'T. NO SHAME, REMEMBER?] A very naughty girl, in fact. You see, many moons ago, STY and I did this little post about Twismut and how much we loved it. Unfortunately, real life can be a real kick in the nuts and not too long ago I realized that I was sorely behind in my fan-fiction reading.

Time suckage at it's finest. Now, where is that boyfriend of mine? We need to discuss unicorns...

Oh, the humanity! Sure, I gobbled up Wide Awake faster than you can say 'unicorns' [and nearly failed a class in the process to boot] and I panted my way through The Submissive and The Dominant,but somewhere along the way that little block of time reserved for panty-saturating Darkward disappeared. Poof! Just like that, one day it was gone... And I won't lie--Dark Edward really got my motor revving. Vroom, vroom.

I totally jacked this photo from Here

But alas, my time was limited and it was a choice between reading myself into an erotic frenzy or mulling over how I would stalk RPattz with FSE and STY's urn, should she ever finally succumb to Robert Pattinson Hotness Syndrome [copyright pending, bitches], and I chose the latter. All for you folks. I sacrificed multiple daily panty changes for you peeps and I'm a selfish bitch and that's bigger than Edward Masen's cock in Clipped Wings and Inked Armor. That's how much I love you all.

Where the fuck was I? Oh right, no time for porn. Well, that shit all changed a few weeks ago. You see, ML was away on tour with his band for a month and a couple of weeks ago I found myself in front of the Mac, drooling and squirming as I completely devoured The Office. Talk about fucked timing though, since I was all alone. I swear I actually considered going down to the scary, terrifying basement and putting the washing machine on spin cycle just to put me out of my frustrated misery. At one point I feared my vagina was just going to take over my brain and the result would be me dry humping anything even remotely phallic [and yes, I briefly, very briefly consider the fucking vampsicle, dammit]. Energizer batteries may or may not have seen a sudden spike in sales this past month, that's all I'm saying. Life can be such a bitch, sometimes.

There is a point to this post besides my alluding to any masturbatory episodes, I swear. I recently got an email from one of our readers looking for good fan fiction, which sparked me to write this post. I'll be the first one to tell you right now if you're looking for a story that is toe-curling erotic, something that will make you so horny a sneeze could trigger the Big O, then I'm not you're girl. Sure, sure, I could give you a few leads, but not enough to scratch that itch.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO...Darkward.

But I know a few sluts who do. And by sluts, I mean awesome bitches ladies who have an almost frightening collection of Twilight porn.

There is Cutie over at Super Secret Twilight Blog
Ang(Amcas) from Why Not? Twilight, RPattz and Me
And of course, there is Random Acts of Rob, which has a fucking stellar selection of Rob/Twiporn. Yummmay!
Fanfiction.net - [There is fan fiction for Horton Hears a Who?! I need therapy now...]
Oh, and last but certainly not least Twilighted.net.

These are the mistresses of Twiporn and I'm sure there are many more out there that I haven't even found yet. You want something that is so hot your computer at work will melt and even the HR person who is firing you will blush at what you've been reading [or stare at you like you need some serious help]? Check out those girls. Want something that will make hubby/SO wonder if you've accidentally ingested some Spanish fly? Yup, those girls.

For the sake of full disclosure, all the stories I linked to above aren't for everyone. I'm not a fluffy girl and it takes more than flowers and romance to get me hot. Hey, I'm a loud mouthed, opinionated sonna bitch from Jersey - do you really think my Edward would be nice? Anyway, that being said, proceed with caution.

Oh Jenny Jerkface, you've been a bad, bad girl...

Now, with that being said we happen to have it on good authority that quite a few of you already have either dallied with TwiPorn or have had a full-fledged very naughty affair with it - so tell us: how has fan fiction changed your life? Is your computer chair now covered with a tarp? Does your SO whimper and cup his fruit-basket protectively when you walk by, or has he taken to wandering around the house pantsless to save you the trouble of ripping them off? Have you recently purchased stock for Energizer C batteries? Has your clitoris developed a Pavlovian response to the sound your laptop makes when it springs to life? Yes? Thought so! We'd love to hear all about it - um, within reason! - in the comments!


P.S. - I have to admit I was caught up in a bit of a 'genre' when I wrote this but I forgot a fan fiction piece that I find amazing that doesn't necessarily fit the rough and tumble that I go for but it really is amazing - Fragile Little human - Breathe Me.

78 comments:

  1. Awesome fics!
    Have you read Deconstructing Dracula over at Fanfiction.net ? Oh YOU HAVE GOT TO!
    There are others that I really like but that one is my fave.

    Also, if you happen to stumble upon this one http://www.fanfiction.net/~lilmisstrouble
    I have 2 stories there and a list of my faves.

    WHERE IS 15 STEP???

    xoxo

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  2. lol, twiporn is my secret reason for wanting a laptop!
    it's so hard to enjoy the naughty naughty with my kids on the PS3 in the same room, plus, i believe my 15 y/o is on to me!!
    yeah, yeah, mom's a freak, laugh it up.

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  3. Is it wrong that I'm thinking about nipple piercings?

    So, um, yeah, I've read some fic.

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  4. @ Fire Crotch... Wouldn't happen to be reading Clipped Wings and Inked Armour would ya? I vaguely considered Bella's latest piercing from the fic as well, but am a big old chicken so yeah, none for me...now a tatt is looking mighty tempting, though that's something I have been wanting for a good ten years now. :0)

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  5. OMFG, The Office and The Sub/The Dom so totally got my DH laid...numerous times. Maybe if I actually told him that, he'd quit bitching about how much FF I read.

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  6. LOL! I have six tattoos and I can't tell you how suddenly erotic I find the whole thing after reading Clipped Wings and Inked Armour. I mean, seriously, that is some seriously hot shit.


    Mmm, kitten.

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  7. And did I just write 'seriously, that is some seriously hot shit'? Ugh. What a fucking dumb cunt.

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  8. THANK YOU FOR ACKNOWLEDGING MY TWI-SLUT STATUS.
    Apparently, my indecent amount of FF links and pimpage has catapulted me to all time alarming level.
    I hope my mom is as proud...

    Ang

    Why not? Twilight, RPattz, and Me
    whynotrpattz.com

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  9. Oh, yes, fanfic has gotten DH laid MANY a time over the past few months!!! In fact, whenever we're not hitting it enough for DH he asks, obliquely, if I've read any good fanfic lately. Hurm....got to go read some fanfic. Honey, come here!!! RAAARRRRR!!!!

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  10. Okay, I was totally gonna get all mushy thank you and then Fire Crotch asked about the nipple piercings and threw me completely off!

    Dear Fire,
    Yes, please.
    *wicked grin*

    JJ & STY, I LOVE you both so fucking much. I am no mistress but I thank thee for thinking so.

    Oh and FYI I have yet to read Clipped Wings and The Office. Shameful, I know. As soon as I read The Red Sweater fic I shall.

    (Did you see that Ang?! I'm a good little bitch no?)

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  11. Anntastic23 (aka Anne)August 31, 2009 at 10:28 PM

    I love you JJ! As I was reading the last paragraph, I was answering in my head "yes, um yes... yep, YES." It's a full-blown affair over here, and I have a few other places that offer an arsenal of Twiporn.

    http://discerningficster.blogspot.com/ (aka The Lazy Yet Discerning Ficster. This also happens to be the fic rec site that AngstGoddess of WA is one of the creators of. AG = high quality stuff.)

    http://www.pervpackssmutshack.com/
    This place REALLY knows their stuff. You'd very likely find that elusive O-blowing stuff that you mentioned here. Also? They are HILARIOUS! Panty of the Week, weekly Meat Locker photo, you name it.

    http://twislash.blogspot.com/
    Also affiliated w/Perv Pack, this site features the best in slash fics (slash = same sex or polyamory pairings)

    and of course there are new ones popping up all the time:

    http://www.fictionators.com/?zx=2c00c87f8a817b29

    http://sytycw.wordpress.com/
    This is a newer site, not too familiar w/it yet.

    http://community.livejournal.com/edwardville/?zx=4236884b65d30e9
    A great LJ community for discussing writing & fics. LOTS of humor, too!

    www.twigasm.com
    This is a podcast (you can find it on iTunes, too!) put together by 4 really popular fic authors.

    Off to change the tarp on my chair. Kidding. Actually off to make lunches for tomorrow :)

    Love you guys bigtime!

    xoxo

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  12. Anntastic23 (aka Anne)August 31, 2009 at 10:35 PM

    Oh, and PS - how has Twific changed my life? Besides me being able to list off all that shit to you guys from the top of my head?

    - Le Hubs has enjoyed a MUCH better "post baby" year with this baby than our 4.5 year old. THANKS to The List, The Sub/Dom, The Arrangement, The Office, Gravity, Let Your Light Shine (seriously one of the best canon stories EVER!), WA, you name it.

    - He got me a laptop so that I can read IN BED instead of this desktop in the kitchen.

    -I joined Twitter so I could follow authors & fellow bloggers.

    -I now feel guilty when I go to my bookclub & make polite excuses as to why I have not read the chosen book.

    -I have met SO MANY wonderful people via blogs & Twilighted & LJ because of this.

    -I am finally starting to lose the baby weight because I want to be all skinny & hot when I try to reenact the lemons :)

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  13. How has fan fiction changed my life you ask? Well its given me a reason to look more like a sex addled pervert than before when it was just jawporn pics that fed my libido. As a single woman I have no DH or BF to release all the crazy tension that Twiporn tends to cause so I have been mass frustrated. I have although tried to even my twiporn out with twifics that are less fucky more plotty and it actually led me to start my break off blog from ApplesnFeathers called, Into the Land Of "Unicorns": Susie's Fan Fiction Haven (http://fanfictionhaven.blogspot.com)
    ...yes Wideawakeward was my constant muse in the name of that title. So goes my ongoing twilight obsession and wouldn't change it for the fucking world!!

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  14. ohhhhhh man. that's funny because *I* almost e-mailed you guys recently to see if you had any fanfic recs. pretty much my twitarded progression:

    1. refused to see that dumb movie.
    2. broke down and watched the movie, cause that guy in it was hot.
    3. refused to read the books.
    4. broke down and read the books.
    5. refused to read the blogs.
    6. broke down and started reading the blogs.
    7. refused to read the fanfic.
    8. read on twitarded (in the comments section one day) about "private browsing."
    9. Turned on private browsing, broke down, and started reading fanfic.

    I never thought I would want to read the smutty stuff or the stuff that wasn't written in cannon, but I've tried just about all of it at this point and been surprised at the stuff i've liked.

    still refusing to ever comment as anything other than anonymous or come out of the twilight closet. but am dying to find someone to go to the midnight showing of new moon with me. so we'll see how long that lasts.

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  15. Is it Friday yet?? I need to waste another weekend absorbed by fanfic. Crap. In-laws coming for dinner this weekend.

    Fanfic definetly cranked up the thermostat in this household (good thing - it's been bloody cold here this summer). At first it launched a few complains from the DH "What ARE you reading?? It's been 5 hours since you moved from that couch!!" Then I jumped him. Well, not quite, but still you get the idea. He's now in full support of my fanfic reading.

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  16. Hmmm... interesting that I hop on over to Twitarded to read about FanFiction after just devouring The Office out takes while waiting for the next chapter to be posted. That bitch can write! For anyone who has not read The Office... you must read it now!

    How has Fan Fiction changed my life? Well, aside from the obvious... I've realized that I need porn. Now books I read that have these lame ass sex scenes just don't do it for me like they used to. If the fucking story doesn't say cock and pussy and clit and fuck over and over again, then pfffft, it's not for me!

    Oh gawd, I sound like a total perv. OK, maybe I am a perv! And fucking proud of it!

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  17. holy effing crap Anntastic23 (aka Anne) - it would have take me like a week to put together that list! we bow down! i actually thought of the smut-shack folks and i've seen the lazy yet discerning ficster but didn't know it was AG. that seems wrong. is it also wrong that i want it to be winter and i want there to be a massive blizzard and i want to get stuck inside doing nothing but reading twiporn all day (maybe taking occasional time-outs for quality time with mr. snarky)? 'cause i want that... bad.

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  18. Fan Fic...............was a bit hesitant at first, but when I read that first chapter of "The Office".........................holy shit!!!!!!!!!!!! I've never had to change my panties so many times in such a short amount of time it was unbelievable!!!!! I've now read that damn story about eight times and it gets me just as hot and bothered as the first time. When Christina finally revealed her latest chapter "Oui" the other day, I kid you not when I literally went to the store at 8:00 AM to buy a brand new vibrator because I killed my other one from reading "The Office" too much! And there was NO WAY IN HELL I was going to read a brand new chapter without being ready to "take care of business" being a divorcee and no one around to handle my biz! FF rocks! And like many of you said before.............if it doesn't mention cock, pussy, clit, etc................it ain't worth it. Give me the smut!!!!! That's my kind of porn! By the way...........anyone live in South Carolina that is looking to attend "New Moon" when it's released? I don't have anyone to see it with..............I don't have a problem seeing it by myself, but it would be much more fun to see it with someone who appreciates the beauty that is RPattz! Let me know...............:)

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  19. I am so glad you guys are into the fanfic. Wide Awake impressed me to much that I have decided to dive in (yes, I'm pretty much a FF virgin). I have no one else to relate to since my fellow bloggers at Twilight SagaPalooza are so NOT into FF.

    LOVE YOU ALL!

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  20. Never wanted to read fanfic. Pschaw, I was too much of a snob for that, but slow news days led me to finding these blogs which led me to fanfic and I'm now completely chugging the coolaid. It's still a hidden obsession that even my husband doesn't know about - though he most definitely reaps the benefits. So besides turning me into a closet perv I guess I just feel better about myself. I feel surprisingly motivated to exercise more often, I am more-ahem-contented. There's something kind of energizing about walking around knowing you've 'got a secret'. Oh, and I've never been one to scream out my husbands
    name, but I caught myself biting back an EDWAAAARD!
    Weird. That was a first.

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  21. BTW, my husband's name is most definitely NOT Edward.
    :D

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  22. I'm a big FF reader. Wide Awake is really good. As is Withering the Ferns, The Blessing and The Curse, Poughkeepsie, The Best Man, Creature of Habit, and Shadowboxer. Good stuff. Love me some Darkward...or Fightward.

    Changed me?
    1) I'd say it's encouraged me, pushed me to write.

    2) Got me excited about writing and that's a big feat.

    3) I bought under eye concealer for the first time in a long time. I stay up till 2am reading and I swear to God I have matching luggage under my eyes. Bags.

    4) I realize how much I miss in my own significant other in the shuffle of daily life...the little things, like a smile, touch, or how good he smells coming out the shower. (TMI? I am posting to Twitarded's blog comments, yes? haha I don't think so.)

    5) Makes me realize that 20 Nov is not coming soon enough.

    6) Makes me post comments anon, because I don't want my love of FF to make it back to my blog (prying eyes/employer/family, blah, blah, blah..whatever)

    So, that's how it's changed me. Oh, and exploded ovaries and shower curtain over my office chair is just a plus. Maybe one of those new Twilight shower curtains and I can sing a Monty Python song, "Sit on my face, and tell me that you love me..."

    ~Livy

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  23. Mmmmm. I got into TwiPorn a little over a month ago and I can't get enough. I should be asleep right now, but guess what I'm doing? All things TwiPorn related. It has become a thing to the point where I have started my own fanfic. You can check it out if you want. It's at the beginning, but I am so anxious to get to the lemons. LOL.

    http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5331891/1/Fate_Forgotten_Secrets


    I read fics at work, on my phone when I have a moment, late at night, early in the morning. It started with WA and it's only gotten worse. Clipped Wings and Inked Armor may just do me in though.

    Funny thing? I don't want to be cured.

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  24. I resisted fanfic for a long time because I didn't want 'my' characters messed with. But I kept seeing blogs about Wide Awake and finally gave in. Almost lost a big contract that week reading the fucking thing all night... only to find out it wasn't even finished! Waiting for the last few posts for months also cured me of pursuing more stories but I tried a couple. Meh.
    However, I read WA at the same time a very sweet, passive guy was deciding to step up our friendship. I almost did him on a matting table in my art gallery! When I realized I was sucking his bottom lip - as described in great detail in WA - I knew I Angstgoddess was greasing the skids, so to speak.
    Now this damn post has me curious and I just bookmarked The Office. If you bitches get me hooked to porn I'll... I'll... I'll have to call Mr. Passive and try something else, I guess. Thanks in advance?

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  25. Twilight Fanfic-mainly, ok 99% of it being the lemony kind has ruled my life for the past few months.... no lie i bought new books, like 5 of them, about 3 months ago and have not read them. all my free reading time is spent drooling over twi-smut! Did i mention, im attempting to write it too? and that im composing an entry for a one-shot contest? love for the unloved.... write a smut-shot for a b-list charecter

    ........ who needs ideas of good fics? i've got PLENTY to rec(not all fully smutty, but alot)...

    -The Office ~TBY789
    -The submissive/Domanint~tarasueme
    -Confessions of a Nanny-Melissa228
    -Show and Dont Tell-Brits23( ill just say this...non-sex-sex... its an interesting concept)
    -Trust in Advertising~VJGM
    -Scothc,Gin and the new girl_ WithTheVampsOFCourse
    -The Ex Factor:Edward and Bella~AngelAtTwilight (long but fuckewn amazing)
    -SubJect:Edward Cullen aka the Womanizer-Ericastwilight
    -Cullen Wife Swap/payback is a bitch~BMC1984 (funny as hell, no lemons, and PiaB is the sequel)
    -Family therapy cullen style-VJGM(funny, no lemons)
    and last pick is.....
    A Lesson in Release/A Lesson in Fate~ lillie Cullen ( 2 wonderfuly amazing differnt stories... with the 3rd and final installment coming in the fall)

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  26. I have to say that reading your blog is great and then reading the comments is a nice plus. Most of them are great, witty, and often become a conversation that I enjoy following so much in my inbox.

    As to how has fanfic changed my life?
    a)The first and most valuable thing for me is all the lovely ladies I get to hang with online one way or another. Through blogs, LJ, Fanfiction.net, twitter, etc. (some of them are proudly listed here).
    b)The second is that I learnt to "open my mind and broaden my horizons." Experimenting has never been so much fun. *wink, wink*
    c)And also... I get to beta-read for several stories out there!!!! That part is very rewarding and makes me feel great when I can help.
    It's weird, silly, whatever... but who would have thought that smut would make me feel so alive? LOL

    @suzspetals-You WILL have to call Mr. Passive after The Office. And buy some panties!

    (Pop_Khimaira)

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  27. Yes, this is what I needed. Ok, The Office it is. I'll start reading it this week. *squeeee*
    I was reading Cocktails and Dreams and then I forgot where I was and got bored, so I need some good fanfic that will keep me interested.

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  28. I am having a love affair with Twismut. Seriously, I think I like it more than my husband. Maybe I'll have to incorporate the two, have him rip off my underwear and slam me against a window.....sigh.

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  29. Thank you again for rec'ing my story! I'm so glad you like it :) I have a page for the story on my blog, and it has a playlist and other background information.

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  30. Sorry, I had to leave when someone said there was a new chapter of "The Office". What were we talking about?

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  31. OMFE have I become a twismut whore--oh yes! It started with WA and has moved on to most that you have mentioned. I fucking want Beautiful Bastard and I want hime now. Just started reading Clipped Wings and Inked Armor....I think I am going to like it.

    I have been with Mr. Vitamin R for 20 years and all this Twismut has completely invigorated me and our "relations". He CANNOT keep up with me--I am ruthless and unstoppable. His best friend called me the other day and asked me to send him some Twi-smut links so he can give them to his wife--Ha!

    I, too, like many of you have completely FAILED in keeping up with my book club reading--I am too consumed by all of these stories. Who knew this would all jump start by most post two children labido? I, personally, LOVE it and hope it never ends.

    Did I mention that I heart Beautiful Bastard--GQ Rob all the way. Off to dream beautiful dreams now.

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  32. How has fan fiction changed my life?

    Oh gessh! FF owns me!
    For starters I got an email account just to keep track of all the updates for the stories I'm following! (only a little embarrassed by this...only a little)

    I sometimes get more excited when I get a chapter update about a FF I'm kinda in love with, then an email from friends and fam. ooopies

    I caught a cold last week, I was excited! That meant 2 days in bed with nothing to do but read FF!

    I learned that I'm an angst whore!

    These top my list right now...
    I'll Be Your Lover Too by EdwardsBloodType
    The Ex Factor : Edward & Bella by AngelAtTwilight
    High Anxiety by EdwardsBloodType
    Poughkeepsie by Mrs.TheKing
    Scotch, Gin and The New Girl by jandco
    The Lost Boys by hwimsey
    In the Land of Milk & Honey by jesus.is.magic

    Also, any fic by ooohlalaaa - Shit she's gooood for the angst!

    Now type to check the ol' FF email account be for bed! Sweet sweet dreams!

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  33. like most of the bitches here (and I mean that in a nice sexy way) my laptop is my bff right now. WA broke my FF cherry back in early may. I'm even sporting a unicorn ring(!) to remind me that the best things in life are free.. hah! now I'm a follower of countless Twilight related FF! adding more amazing songs in my ipod from their sample playlists. I'm even considering getting a tattoo because of that sexy CW&IA! I just feel bad for my stack of books on my bedside table since I can't seem to follow through with them anymore. and like everyone else, I turned into a smut, perv, FF-addict -- who can't get enough of it, can't stay away from it long, and always craving for a fix (with rpattz on top) ;)

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  34. I too have become obsessed with this twi-porn, twi-smut. I'm not sure quite how it happened. I watched the movie in the spring, fell in lust with rpattz and went from blogs to the smut!
    The top of my list is The Office though I've seem to read all the porn involving the real Rob Pattz insead of Edward such as:
    Just this once
    Taking chances
    I love LA
    Opposites attract

    For Edward and Bella stuff:
    The submissive, wide awake, edward cullen aka the womanizer, alphabet weekends, the intern...etc....

    It has revved up our love like so that's a nice perk....not I have to get off this computer and get some sleep!!!!!ha

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  35. The first FF i read was The List by Laura Cullen...oh my fuckin god i am now hooked :)

    JJ and STY, u 2 make my day!

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  36. Hello, my name is SaritaPagita and I am an addict! I f-ing love fan fic and the stories you mention are my fave. I will be checking out Breathe Me next, so thanks for the recommendation.

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  37. I LOOOOOVE that we can all make recommendations and that we are all similarly addicted to TwiSmut - you wouldn't know it by half the crap I write here (or my utter obsession with the Twilight Saga) but I am a bit of a book snob - or I WAS - lol! - and I have NEVER read fanfic of any sort. Hell, I had no idea it even existed! Then again, last year at this time I had only a very vague idea that blogs existed and had only stumbled across a few random ones. Now that I REALLY think about it, it was about this time last year, I think, when JJ was bemoaning the success of "some stupid fucking vampire novels" and went to investigate. Happy Anniversary, dahling!!

    I love all you smutty gals and that all of this has had such a positive impact on our lives... Sure we may be less sleep and be more nuts than ever but I think we're all happier, too, and more, um, "fulfilled"... (and so are our SO's - lol!)

    : )

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  38. I love Twilighted.net. Unfortunately, my office firewall is now blocking it out. I haven't tumbled across anything so wicked on Fanfiction.net to cause the same thing to happen, but I'm up for a challenge.

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  39. One of the too many to list ways that twiporn has changed my life...

    I realized that DH and I have a PG rated sex life (not even PG-13) and that just ain't goin to fly no more. So...

    I organized a "field trip" with 4 girlfriends last Saturday to our local Adult Megaplex. We had the time of our lives and I spent 2 hours picking out lovely sex toys to test drive with the hubby.

    I haven't been in a sex shop in 20 years (or ever sober). I wandered around muttering "who knew?, it's just like a regular store and everyone seems so normal". Luckily one of our crew is familiar with all the sex shops on South IH-35 in Austin so she knew which ones to avoid.

    My recs:

    The Arrangement by manyafandom... Fucktabulous Edward, Bella, and Jasper threesome action. Full on double penetration scene that made my toes curl.

    Mr. Horrible by algonquinrt... This shot to my top 5 list after the first chapter. Absolutely hysterical and hot at the same time.

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  41. Oh man, you guys gave us a TON of links. Just know if we both disappear from Twitarded for a couple of days it's all your fault, lol.

    I love the fact that so many of you ladies are into fan fiction and how it's done wonders for your sex lives. I always feel like women get the shaft when it comes to, er, sexytime and taking control.

    And thanks to everyone who is writing this stuff because I've read quite a few that are just absolutely awesome!

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  42. Glad to be back in time for fic recs. Woot!

    Hope you guys got the latest batch of pins.

    xo
    LG

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  43. My boyfriend brought me a tnkerbell steering wheel cover for my car. When I saw it all I could think of was Alice,the little pixie bitch. Before I knew it I had puffy-painted "Pixie Bitch" into the design. He thought I was crazy. I don't even use the word "bitch" in RL. When he saw it I just hung mh head and mumbled, she's a character in a book I'm reading. (blush)
    btw I'm much older than this little story would have you believe. :(

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  44. Dear gawd the typos in my previous post--I had a little too much wine last night with my cousin. Sheesh!

    There are some new recs here and that makes me HAPPY! Will this whole Twi-obsession ever dwindle? It seem to be getting exponentially bigger for me as time goes on. I must admit when my obsession began almost two years ago I never dreamed it would lead to me reading fanfic smut related to a Young Adult novel about vampire/human love and that I would be so utterly fucking happy about it. Who knew? I wonder how Stephenie feels about all this? If she likes Letters to Rob she must be reading some smut wouldn't you think? I hope Rob is still reading the fanfic--I like the thought of that ;-)

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  45. I love me some Darkward. The nice just doesn't quite hit it as much. Clipped Wings is totally rockin' me right now, but here are some others you might enjoy!

    1. Inked...for those who love Edward tattooed and hot!

    2. Buried Among the Begonias...This is some serious shit! You will never hear the words "little girl" without getting hot and bothered EVER again!

    3. Tropic of Virgo

    4. The Office

    5. The Submissive/The Dominant.

    There are just way too many to list! JJ & STY...you guys rock my world and make me laugh my ass off daily. I freakin' love ya!

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  46. @Jen - I admit it - I had an ex-boyfriend who used to call me 'little girl' and it would always give me the shivers. lol. I think I've used that phrase once or twice in 15 Step!

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  47. It's because of Twitarded that I am now taking this fascination (not obsession) to a whole other level with fanficiton....oh my....I can't get enough! So, regarding the HR person firing you....she won't, because she is reading the stuff too! (because she is me!)

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  48. I am a fanfic newbie. Like many of you, WA was my first and I have been wondering where to find more good ones. THANK YOU LADIES! I have a feeling my books are about to be very neglected as well. And to the person that was wondering about Rob reading the fanfic... OME I almost can't stand the thought!! LOL

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  49. I'll admit, the Twilight Saga alone gave my sex life a nudge...then I discovered this blog where I was then pointed to fan fic. Now, Hubby's happy and I'm in a much better mood all the time! Multiple orgasmic sex will do that to a girl! (Too explicit? Nahhh, I know what you bitches are reading...that's nothing!)

    Anyhoo...my DH was after me to get off the computer and come to bed (I was in the middle of reviewing the list of all the new FF in this blog at the time.) I was pissed! How dare he interrupt my reading!? When I got to bed, I asked him how he's liked all the sex he's gotten in the last few months...and told him if he wanted it to keep up he'd BETTER LET ME READ!! I hope he got the point, cuz that's all he got last night! We'll see what happens later after some new reading *evil chuckle*

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  50. All of this reminds me of something that happened years ago. A friend of mine was shocked that I was okay with the porn mags my boyfriend kept in the bathroom cupboard. I thought it was harmless and I sometimes enjoyed it myself, but those things are definitely geared for men.

    Twi-smut/porn is for us girls and obvously the guys have benefited. By the way, I was up most of the night reading The Office. Must screw Mr. Passive soon. If only he wasn't off being passive somewhere... guess I'll just read another chapter for now. (Definitely GQ Robert in my head. Damn.)

    Thanks for the new addiction. I think.

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  51. "Buried Among the Begonias" by DurtyNelly OMG all I can say is sex has never been better then it is now... if only I could find a demon

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  52. @lily guillotine - yup, we got them - thanks so much!!! the "extras" are perfect, too! And i just noticed the "woot!" and the little vampy face you drew on the box this morning and I was cracking up!

    : )

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  53. Hello JJ and STY! I've been a lurker of yours for a while now, and haven't had the balls to post a comment, but this post did it (in more ways than one). I discovered FF a few weeks ago and have been a useless blob of quivering loins ever since. My DH is reaping the benefits with a look of intense confusion on his face, but he doesn't ask.

    I just wanted to mention the first FF that I "came" across - just in case you hadn't heard of it. It's called Mr. Horrible. Doesn't really have lemons running out of it's ears, but it is funny - so funny that I laughed out loud (which I don't usually do) and I thought of you two (because you guys have that effect on me too).
    http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4953962/1/Mr_Horrible
    Well, that's it in a nutshell. I'll be forever lurking :)

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  54. I never ever read porn before ,but Darkward makes me just shiver like hell. And The Sub, The Dom, The Office and Clipped wings are one of the best smutty FanFics! I guess I´ll reread them at some time when I´m again alone w/o MrV. Or should I read it aloud when MrV is besides?
    :-)

    WA was a class on it´s own, so is Breath Me.

    Glad that there are places where one can talk about this, it makes me feel so much better :-)

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  56. Loving Clipped Wings, Wide Awake & Buried Among a LOT. My computer has never seen so much freakin smut in it's life and I've never needed to change my undies so often! I am experiencing time vanishing before my eyes and epic lack of sleep but god it's worth it!!

    I have 7 tattoos and Clipped Wings is only giving me the urge for more, not to mention the damn constant horn! So much so that I'm actually considering that nipple piercing *blush* I want someone to slap me out of it...I think...though on second thoughts I might enjoy it *smirk* So Masen makes me hawt! Jeez...

    @ Fire Crotch - I blame you and love you all at once for posting that link in my comments!! *grin*

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  57. I've been feeling like a freak staying up until 2am every night to get my FF fix and then going to work blurry eyed, so THANK YOU for letting me know I'm not alone. I'm still kind of prude-y compared to some of you pros (said with lots of love), but I've been hanging around Twitarded awhile now and aspire to someday achieve your awesome level of perviness & wit (damn, you guys are funny!!).

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  58. I recommend a shit load of coffee, a good concealer and preferably a loud environment for staying awake during the day! X

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  59. OME!! I laughed so hard, I need to change my tampon. (TMI? I bet Darkward wouldn't think so.)

    I freaking love fanfics. It sounds ridiculous but I haven't completed one new book since I discovered fanfics. I've been reading. I've been writing. I've been tying up my S.O. ('The Submissive'). I've been jumping him before he can change out of his suit and tie ('The Office'). I've even considered buying tickets to London to hang out at seedy bars ('Just this once'). But mostly, I made a very raunchy list of RL lemons ('The List').
    I'm considering going back to school for creative writing. I laugh more. I cry more. Everything has changed. Everything.

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  60. Oh, I love my FF!! I swear I had never even heard of it before Twilight. I had heard about a few stories that "filled in" the fade to black scene in BD. That is where it all started...
    Now I am 100% addicted. It really is a problem...but I have no intentions on getting rid of this problem. My husband doesn't actually know what I am reading all night long, he actually thinks that I am just reading Twilight blogs for like 6 hours a night. Right now CW&IA is owning me - I can't even think about cupcakes or kittys without going straight to the gutter. but I also LOVE, The Office, Mr. Horrible and The Lost Boys (It has smut and a mystery!) Others that I have enjoyed are Deconstructing Dracula(they are not vampires in this story) and Breakfast at Tiffany's. Oh, and I really loved Tropic of Virgo. For straight up smut, you can't go wrong with A Life Extraordinary. The Bella Swan Diaries is pretty funny and smutty. OK, I spend way to much time reading this shit. I promised myself that I would re-read New Moon before November and I don't see that happening anytime soon!

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  61. Lets see...how has FF/Twiporn changed my life?

    - I no longer watch tv/read the paper - takes away from my twiporn time.
    - My DH has had more horny sex from me in the past 6 months than the last 10 years combined.
    - My mouth is even more foul than before. I find myself using words that I never used before (pussy, cock, panties, wet, etc....)
    - I can say the above words without blushing
    - I actually sustained a twiporn injury that required physical therapy. No -not there - pinched nerve in shoulder from hours upon hours in the same reading position. I did not have the balls to tell the doctor how I sustained that injury.
    - Bought a new toy simply because it was named "wallbanger."
    - I can relate anything to Twilight and Twiporn.

    So, ya, I kinda like FF. I think it may be more addictive than the actual series.

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  62. Aw yeah, FF! Excuse me while I disappear for awhile now, need to check out some of these...


    VW - hooloar?

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  63. Months ago I started with the one shot "He will never touch you like that" and BAM - Soaking panties! It became an obsession...and I've seen the sunrise on a school night a few times. Shudders!
    How did it change my life? Well after a few sunrises I decided i had to make a different deal with the TwiPorn devil. So i decided that for every hour I exercise I get 2 hours of Hot FF ! Now I share my FF addiction with my Gym addiction..and it all leads to feeling slinky and hot. And even though I'm single i know there is one lucky MotherFucker who gets me next!
    Oh and did you ever see on one of those HBO sex shows the contraption that has like the battery of a tractor with a Vampsicle at one end and it just does the piston motion...and you ride it hard.. Yep - when i saw that ..at the time..I thought - "Sick" NOW ...I WANT ONE !!!!

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  64. Note to self: Reading chapter 8 of The Office actually at the office, not such a good idea. Will have to slyly change out my chair with a vacant desk when no one's looking tomorrow. Shit... those girls can write.

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  65. Too funny. I feel such a kinship with those of you leading the same family-neglecting-sleep-deprived-secret-twismut-reading life that I am! My hubby has NO idea what I'm reading and how much time I actually spend on it. You mentioned so many of my favorite stories and can't believe I'm about to add even a few more to my favorites list!

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  66. I too have (and im currently in the middle of) A very all consuming Twi*porn affair. I have all but decided that there is not a real physical person that could live up to my wants and needs due to it now. ahahaha No seriously though, its bad.

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  67. Have to admit - it was a dark secret to read my first fanfic, and then when I found out there was Twismut it was all over. One of the fabulously talented authors suggested a published author, I went to the book store and it is all over. I have been on a smut binge for 6 weeks now.
    Emma Holly, Lora Leigh, Saskia Walker - I can't believe they sell this stuff in the same store as Winnie-the-Pooh!

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  68. Talk about real life imitating Twi-blogroll life! My real life is kicking me in the nuts as well and I'm really pissed off as it's making me miss my Twiporn. I just discovered fanfics and the first one I read was Wide Awake and have been having sex dreams ever since
    (SO is going to get so much action when he gets back, he is not going to believe it). Given that I'm supposed to be really writing my thesis and NOT reading porno, its like the fucking forbidden fruit or some shit like that. I feel I should re-read my recently written thesis drafts for the fear that I might have subconsciously written about my Twismut addiction in there.

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  69. I really have nuthin to say. I just thought I'd bring the comment count up to 69. Heh heh.

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  70. Damn you Twitarded for letting me know about Wide Awake. I just know that Someone at work is going to read over my shoulder and report my inappropriate workplace behavior. Besides that, every couple I see now look like Edward and Bella to me.

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  71. holy shit. i read this post a couple days ago and was like 'huh. i should read the one wide awake, since everyone is talking about it.' i stayed up until 7 am last night reading. woke up at one. did some half ass job searching (may i just say that discovering the FF is a really awful slash awesome development when it coincides with unemployment) and then resumed reading. i am so wrapped up in these characters i am emotionally eating over THEIR problems. fuck.

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  72. I live for twiporn. I finished Wide Awake a couple of days ago and found myself thinking about Bella and Edward all day the next day, hoping they were doing okay at college, etc. Talk about a brief psychotic episode! And the new chapter of The Office just about killed me today.

    Anyway, I haven't gotten around to it myself, but I keep thinking that someone has to write a twiporn spoof. I suggest the following irresistible title: "Bella Always Comes Twice."

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  73. what can i ssaid, i give me as a Bday present the Vempire Dildo, so yeah I´m happy, i love so so much more the fanfic i read it even in the midle of my colege classroom (i´m in mexico and most of my classmates don´t speak eng) so yeah i´m sick, yeah i love ropporn and yeah i got BIG PROBLEMS

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  74. I read Clipped Wings and Inked Armor SPECIFICALLY because you guys recommended it and I want so many fucking tattoo's now that I can't stand it. Something incredibly erotic about it now

    I also have to heavily ditto rec's to read Scotch, Gin and The New Girl. It's fucking fabulous. It was right up there with Wide Awake for me. Maybe 2nd fave of them all

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  75. you should try Edward Wallbanger by feathers_mmmm over at Twilighted. It's AU-Human but it rocks!

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  76. http://www.mediafire.com/?4yytzcmizhm
    here is the PDF version

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  77. Hey guys if you want a good story check out Luscious Lips, it's an Alice and Bella Fanfiction as well as a joint Edward and Jasper fanfic. I'm hooked and it's only three chapters in!

    http://www.fanfiction.net/s/7731003/1/Luscious_Lips

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  78. Well said..I am exactly looking for the same post that I have got at your blog, I am not sure if someone can let me know, is their any way to book Escorts Barcelona or may be one in Escorts Madrid , please help

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